Recap of a book

The days I have off work, I love reading a good book. Especially like today when its rainy and a nice little breeze coming through the window. Chilling. I usually go for the love books with explicit sexual content (not on purpose) and of course mainly the action and drama that comes along with it. It’s entertaining to say the least. I love the fact that all of my electronic devices are google play and books to pick up where I left off on one device. Their free selection of books aren’t that bad either. Previous books I’ve read and enjoyed were Fifty Shades of Grey, The Coldest Winter Ever, Midnight, a few by Zane and Steven King. But out of all the drama and craziness, there is nothing like the book I’m reading now. I borrowed this from a cousin who is the queen of reading these types of books. It’s called The Ex Factor by Tu-Shonda Whitaker. It’s about 3 sisters from Brooklyn named Celeste, Imani, and Monica who have the same mother different fathers and live different lifestyles in a sense.

Celeste is the oldest who has 3 children (1 of her own and twins by her husband), married to a cop to whom is younger than she, and they live in Jersey. Over the years she has gained weight, no longer works and her husband, Shareif, is no longer attracted to her and she knows it. Long nights, he’s never home and knows he’s cheating...just not with who. Imani is the sister on welfare, lives in the projects in Brooklyn, has a son by someone she was with for 10 years but he can’t seem to stay out of prison or keep a job. She found out while he was away for 2 years, he had gotten someone else pregnant with their second child while she visited him in prison the days Imani didn’t go and also married her while he was in prison. Imani never knew this. Last but not least is Monica, the sister that pissed me off. Monica works at a hospital, single has no man, her own place, no kids and seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. Monica is having an affair with her sisters husband, Shareif, is now 4 months pregnant and keeping the baby! Really? Not saying this does not happen but I’m not checking out nobody elses man...he’s yours and let alone my sister’s man. Triflin. What made it worse was Celeste would confide in her sister about their marriage, she knowing that he’s cheating, and how she felt.

So this may not be a big deal to some but to me it is having 2 other sisters myself and not having a thought in mind of something like this happening. Of course the husband is telling Monica he wants to be with her and love her but doesn’t want anymore children...welp buddy should have thought about that before having unprotected sex with her. And it’s crazy because Monica doesn’t have a guilty bone in her body. She feels Celeste was always mean to her growing up and it’s her fault that she gotten fat and no longer keeps the interest of her husband. What type of s**t is that!?

How is a woman that desperate to have a man she is willing to take someone elses and rain on the other womans happiness? How are you that miserable to sit and dwell on the love and affection you see a man give his woman that you would want him specifically to do the same for you? The sad thing is the lengths that his woman would go through to keep his sorry ass. I’m not fighting nobody, you don’t deserve a cuss out, he doesn’t deserve tears and I will not be distraught. Honestly if it was that easy, no matter how long she was chasing him, you weren’t mine to begin with. Nobody should ever be able to come between you and your partner. Period. I hate when people say it was a mistake, they think with their “friend”, men can’t control their sexual desires or sex drives, and the infamous “men will be men” bull. And for the life of me don’t understand it. Anybody in their right mind will think about what they are losing and how they won’t EVER get that back, even if she takes you back. It won’t be the same. If this is not an immediate thought, you didn’t really care like you thought you have all that time.  

Hate.

Hate. Such a strong word and people use it in the wrong context. Men and women constantly use it to describe how someone feels about them. For example: to be jealous because of how they dress, the kind of car they have, them having their own spot, or because of the man or woman they have in their lives. You know the things you are supposed to have as an adult. Ridiculous. Honestly, if I’m going to feel that strongly about someone, it’s going to be something real. I will hate the person who murders a family member of mine and taking them from myself, their family and my own, the boyfriend who manipulates and abuses a friend of mine and lowers her self esteem, or the father that was never there but wants to be when I shine and do well for myself. Those are legit reasons for me to HATE someone.

There are people who feel material things are a reason to hate, lets think about what some go through on a regular basis. Homelessness is something we see on a daily basis. We have no idea why they are at that point in life but I hate seeing people sleeping on the streets and living underground by the sub or el. We can point the finger all day long but for those that are going through it, have a reason to hate the way they have to live. Shelters are available and I honestly feel they become too full and they have no choice but to make a home somewhere else. The woman who suffers physical abuse from her husband or lover has a reason to hate. Her children have a reason to hate her for not leaving and staying to be hurt. They see the pain shes dealing with and too young to help her. That girl who suffers sexual abuse has a reason to hate her abuser and anybody that never stopped him when she spoke up. People with single parents have a reason to hate their mothers or fathers for not being there. They watched day by day the struggle for food, gas to get to work, money for the bus or train, getting things for the home or trying to make time for themselves to be an adult outside of their children.

Instead of focusing on the petty reasons why we hate anything, lets always stop and think about what someone else is going through and the reasons why they have hate in their hearts. We have the opportunity to improve our lives and make them better but instead many look to others lives as confirmation that their not where they want to be. Why? It may not be in Gods plan for you to have what they or even close to it. I know things may get rough but thats life. You’re here to do whats in your heart, not follow and constantly evaluate the life of another. So lets stop HATING and focus on what you are here to do. Whether it’s to be a Cardiologists, Nurse, Paralegal, Communications major, helping people in other countries or being a stay at home mother….focus on your life and what you are here to do. Period. If we do this, we will be happy with self and the way things are going for self and have no time worrying about others and the lives they lead.

Random thought

This cold weather makes you appreciate the roof over your head, the heat you have in your home, the blankets, bed, furniture, and hot water. There's so many people out there that don't have that and are just getting by the best way they can. My heart goes out to those who don't have much or anything at all and the people that everyday help those who can't help themselves. Many of us take these things for granted and feel we are "obligated" to have even the smallest things in life. Forgetting that at any moment they can be taken by house fire, water damage, burglary or lose of income. Everyday I wake up and thank God for any and everything/everybody I have in my life and pray for them for good health and to live their full longevity on this earth. Simply saying THANK YOU and showing your appreciation is all you need.

You. Me. She. Him.

You. Sucker for love. You appreciate any love coming in your direction and value the person giving. The face behind this is a beautiful individual. Caring, loving, respectful, loyal, hard working and honest. You love life. You’re all about family, friends, good laughs and fun. Who wouldn't? You have great people in your life who have your back and love you dearly. You have this motivation about life and know you’re destined for greatness no matter what or how long it may take. You have this same motivation with your relationships as well. You want someone who has the same drive as you and loves and appreciates you for who you are. Always making Saturday plans being that Sunday is game day no matter the sport. The greeting when seeing or leaving one another, the smile she has that lets you know it’s love, the taking to friends and the impromptu importance she shows you when you’re in need. You wanted someone like this your entire life and she’s finally yours...so did you actually find what you were looking for or do you want more?

Me. Logic over love. Warm hearted but zero tolerance for lies and bullshit, hardworking, cool with certain family members of his and watchful eye on certain friends. What? Just looking out for him and feel years have nothing on hate, lies, and being phony. I love him but will put love on hold for the wrong person and make it harder for the next person. Continuous cycle I guess. I can laugh and joke all day but feel those traits are brought out with certain people. Not everyone sees it. Have very few surrounding me and have always been that way. I feel the less drama the better. Hard to figure out at times, complex even but good to those who are good to me. My true friends see me as goofy and open while outsiders simply see me as cold. I make time for my relationship and always makes plans for us to do something fun. Is this controlling behavior or just a good girlfriend being...good?

She. Breath of fresh air. Everything you were looking for and more. Could see you having a life with her and a good one at that. The femininity she has with her emotions are too good to be true and not seen often by most women. She doesn't have many people around her but is loved by many. Kind hearted, open, she doesn't judge you and her feelings toward you are mutual. Good feeling. It’s like your home away from home kind of thing. When there’s no one left to talk to, she’s there. She loves and respects everyone in your life from the ones who take up most of your time to the ones you only see once a year. Thinks with her heart and knows no other way...so did you find her yet or are you still looking?

Him. The mans man. Work, God first then family. Awesome provider but sometimes does not stop to smell the roses. The weekend is his time because he feels he’s done enough Monday through Friday. But is that really enough? Very subtle when it comes to his emotions...is he upset, stressed, just thinking, being funny, being serious. Difficult to deal with at times but you guys always laugh it off and move on. He makes you feel good even with very little time spent. Foot rubs aren’t a problem, back rubs, bubble baths, and nice dinners. Communication is not key with this guy though. Work seems to always be at the top of the list then family then his man such and such. Can we talk about our life, our future, plan the next vacation maybe? You often have to question many of his motives for life in general and if you are even in the future plans...are your needs really met? Is this where you really belong?

What makes us constantly question ourselves when it comes to love and relationships? No matter how good things are going, there is always going to be that point we began to wonder: Is this person for me? Is He or She a better match for my future plans? Am I not good enough to spend quality time with? Why is work life so much more important than our love life? Instead of seeing what’s real and in plain sight, we ignore the important aspects and give too much attention to our negative thoughts. Instead of praying together, we complain to our single friends giving false accusations because we did not communicate to our partners about how we feel. Sometimes we are even taken to another place and usually with someone else (He or She) and imagine what we could have instead of appreciating or improving what we already have. It takes time but getting into a daily mental routine will eventually improve your thinking in a positive direction. At any moment I could have “Him” if I wanted or he could have “She” but will that really make things better? The grass is not always greener on the other side. Love yours.

Women and hygiene

I can not for the life of me understand why a woman would not want to take good care of herself?!? These are almost always the women walking around claiming they’re “bad” because of the attention the backside and thighs creates. I know people have their different living situations and it’s tough but you make it work. You can’t walk around talking about how “bad” you are with B.O. It’s not cute to dress to impress but smell terrible. Of course we all have our sweaty moments and moments where we don't feel like washing our hair or derriere...but only when staying in the house. Especially during the summer months!

Lets keep it real, a lot of women, even when grown, don’t even know when to change their tampons, pads and pantyliners. To keep it fresh, there’s all sorts of powders, vaginal washes, hot water, soap, cotton underwear in the world to keep it clean and fresh down there. I also see a lot of women who don’t believe in shaving their underarms but will wear a sleeveless top or go out partying? And my daily commute, I see this too often. The one thing that really kills me is when I’m talking to another woman and her hair stanks! Yes stanks. Especially when they walk by you and you get the wind after they walk by... Like it smells like dirty pillow cases and old grease or something. That belief that dirt makes the hair grow thing went out the window a long time ago and we should be washing our hair at least every 2 weeks with a perm and every week when natural to keep it conditioned. Who doesn’t like for their scalp/hair to feel clean and free?

Now the curling iron smell is one all women can relate to but that dirty hair smell is one of a kind and can create a headache. Whether your natural, permed, blonde or brunette, ladies, should keep it washed. A couple of other things that kills me is a past due weave and the rest of the hair being permed but seems they forgot the edges and back of the neck... You know when their hair is pulled up in a really cute bun and the neck is nappy as all hell and doesn’t look like they ever attempted to comb or brush it? Yes, I do not understand that but if it works for you, do you. The past due weave is something I don’t quite understand...at all. With a weave you have to plan ahead. If you know in a few weeks that when that weave needs to be replaced and you won’t have the money or at least half, don’t do it or just buy a wig or something until further notice or a $7 perm. It will save you money. I’ve always heard older women say “you can always tell when a woman has no man” or “what your hair smells like is what she smells like down there” and this is indeed true! Any man in his right mind that loves and cares about his woman, will not walk around with her looking pitiful or will tell her she needs a different feminine wash or something.

Now with the face being the first thing seen when looking at you, your lips are being looked at when communicating. Ash, dryness, chap, powdery-look whatever can be taken care of with chapstick, lip gloss or lipstick. Vaseline works well also. Like I stated in the beginning, nobody is perfect and will have their days but these things shouldn’t be an everyday occurrence when being a woman. Sorry to have offended anyone but needed to get that off my chest.

To better hygiene!

Bad management

You call out of work for whatever reason and your manager gives you b.s about them now not having enough coverage, how you’re going to be behind on work and all deadlines for the week will not be met. Never asking: “are you okay? Is your mom out of the hospital? How is little sammie doing with his cold/fever/flu?” Really? At that moment I could give not one but two shits about numbers needing to be made or work that will not be done if all if the above is going on!

We have all ran into that asshole manager or managers/GM’s or supervisors throughout the duration of our careers thus far. Trust there will be more. What is it about “titles” that make an individual act in an “assholish” way to the point where they are disliked, employees call out like it’s no tomorrow, they are on every job website possible in between meetings and barely do any work while there. I understand business is business but people are just people as well. I will have times where I will be late, sick/flu, kid issues or just lacking the energy to go to a job I dislike. Hey, we all go that route at least 5 days out the year whether you like your job or not. I personally feel that if it’s something you love to do for a living, no need to be rude, smile, be a good example, embody the companies expectations and your employees will do the same. Period. You took the position, play your part. If you did not, then maybe turning it down would have been your best bet. You give asshole, you get asshole. If many people were not afraid of losing their jobs due to bills, needing to eat or gas money etc, there would be millions of people out of work or really considering going into business for themselves no matter the cost.

What is it about companies that consistently give the wrong people positions that require more than what they are willing to give? They mostly just want the raise, vacation days, benefits such as health and dental, the authority to do whatever they want and sadly nothing at all. My job alone, managers sit in the office on a daily basis for hours at a time. They come out, throw around a few orders and sometimes even try to have convo with you as you’re doing the task without guidance but want things to be done by a certain time…? How about reaching out to me on a different level. Ask how the position is going, if I would like or consider moving somewhere more comfortable, ask me my strong and weak points and assist me with working on them and see if I’m just doing okay overall considering that will affect my performance.

Many managers believe they are smarter than you because of their role but in ALL actuality, YOU are the dumb one. Especially if you don’t have your own company/business. You have a career you don’t like working with peers that are in the same boat as you and your miserable. You then began to take this out on your employees, even the ones that bust their asses on a regular basis forcing them to look elsewhere taking their skills with them. The same ones they learned from you or the company in general but will now be more advanced and professional especially after working with you. They may even make more money than you without having to have your position or wait as long before getting there. Last but not least, word of mouth. There is always that person with that second job, the student or the parent that has grown children. Their children are probably looking for jobs but you tell them to avoid a specific company or maybe even career if it’s that bad. With all of the social media, there is always those people complaining about work, the environment, that manager that irks the last nerve by noon, how management operates and corporate not caring.

In conclusion, to all of the asshole managers out there that are condescending, ignorant to human issues, only see dollar signs and care about the well being of self and for their bank account I give you TWO MIDDLE FINGERS AND EVERY CURSE WORD IN THE ENGLISH DICTIONARY. You make good employees lives a living miserable hell at work and with the economy the way it is and people having a hard time finding a job period, you know to a certain extent that you can get away with it. This too shall pass and I hope that you have everything you deserve coming your way very soon. Many people can agree and we are just sitting back and waiting.

P.s may you not prosper and all of your employees quit without notice. (LOL)

My small bucket list

My “Bucket” List...thus far

• Travel around the world. So typical but it’s rare that many get to do this in their life.
• Sex on the beach with black sand. Lol I know, a bit much but it’s rare to see a beach with black sand. With my husband of course and while the sun sets.
• To play the piano fluently. The piano is my favorite instrument. Took a class in high school but didn’t last long enough.
• Learn another language. The language of choice is Italian. I want to speak and write it.
• Build my home from the ground up. I would love to say “I helped do this” on the entire home from the inside out. All modern amenities, walk in shower, marble floors and my own room to read, listen to music, tune out the world and collect my thoughts. Something to tell my children some day.
• To ride a motorcycle. I love bikes and cars but scared to death to ride one because of the terrible accidents I hear about. I want to stop girling, get on and just go. Ride all the way on the e-way with no destination. Purple and black to be exact.
• A road trip. Possibly to Los Angeles, stay for a week and drive back. A lot, yes but if with the right people, it will be worth it. Plenty of pictures, laughs, frequent stops, sightseeing, and fun.
• Learn to swim. I know, I know. I just have not ever been a water person and anything above my head is off limits. And I'm not very tall! But if I want to do this, I have to face my fear of this and go for it. Weird that I would do jet skiing but only because my body is not actually in the water the entire time.
• An awesome body at 60. Lol funny yes but recently seen so many pictures of older women with bodies better than chicks my age. Clearly we are doing something wrong. Overall just want to be healthy and it shows.
• Snowmobiling. I hate traveling in the snow for work but if I was on vaca or it was a snow day during the school year, I was out in the snow. So snow activities, if not too cold, is up my alley.
• Very big natural hair. Transitioned into natural almost 3 years ago and so far has been the longest process but better than perms. My ideal hair is very big sexy hair so that when I rod it up, it has a nice wave to it. Still getting used to the every week shampoo or co-wash, deep conditioner process but it’s well worth it. When I’m old and grey, I want to wear my hair like this also.

I’m pretty simple and it’s not much but would love to have the opportunity to do all or any of these at some point. Focusing on the negative and the just getting by mentality you miss the little things in life that make you or will either make you happy.  

Robin

Life without my mother, like my brother she was there first

Almost killed a nigga when I thought about that damn hearse

Like mama why yu playin hurt?

I thought that she was sleepin

Then I played her favorite song

3 minutes long

It ain't work

Feelin so hurt inside

This pain I feel can't be described

Please Someone look me in my eyes n tell me this is life

Imagine losing ya only child n ya wife

Shit ain't right

Prolly take back all the bad in ya life

For ya wife

N ya only child who's the main reason behind yo smile

We should really lift the dead up

Dey ain't the ones to be afraid of

It's the ones alive who betray us

Happens to everyone

Guess I gotta keep my head up 😔💔

This was something my lil cousin wrote about how he felt after his mother passed, my cousin. She left us Monday September 22, 2014. I will never forget my aunt crying on my voicemail letting me know what happened or reading the text my sister sent letting me know she passed. It was approximately 3 or 4 something that morning when it happened and I'm just glad she wasn't alone when she went. Of course my family did what any family would do, we gathered at her house that morning and reminisced about when they were younger and who she was as a person.  That was literally the longest car ride I had to take. My aunt is dear to me and seeing her cry so much made the day even worse. She is the tough aunty. The one that will get drunk and curse everybody out from the newborn to the grown with no problem. Lol. But she was always honest and true to how she felt about you. This is how you know theres nothing like pain and being hurt. It's crazy how family mostly only get together when things like this happen but it felt good to support one another.

Robin was definitely my aunt's child. Could be sweet as pie but would fight you in a heart beat. Lol. She was a breath of fresh air and when we didn't want to be home on the weekend and just wanted something to do, we would all go to her house and stay. She allowed us to stay up all hours of the night, always cooked, and let us eat whatever we wanted. A childs dream! She had a lot of pride. Did not walk out the house without her hair done, always had her nails done, wasn’t a make-up chick but was girly in her own right. Robin always a had a funny story to tell! Constantly making fun of my aunt and uncle, her sisters, my sisters and myself or her kids. If you needed anything and she had it, you had it. I remember her playing one of her favorite songs, Anything by Jaheim featuring Next over and over again lol. She would play the hell out of a song until you knew every word, verse, hook and bridge. Typical Aries, she spoke her mind and could care less about how anyone felt. Period.

She now has a new granddaughter that was born almost a month after her passing. She will never get to meet the person we all knew and loved or to be spoiled by her the way she spoiled her two eldest grands. I will never forget her laying there, gone, as we waited for her body to be taken. I literally sat by myself in her kitchen and watched as they brought her body down wrapped up as that was the last time I seen her physically. The most depressing part was my aunt staying in my cousins bedroom and watched from the window as they took her middle child away. That same day she was cremated. I will always and forever miss my cousin and yes it gets easier over-time but this is still the hard part. I guess she is the reason I have not wrote anything for awhile on here. My mind was consumed with other things.

R.I.P I love you.

The ways and drama with Women

There will always be that point in life you will have to realize who your true friends are and the family that actually act like blood. Especially with women. Somebody always feels some type of way about something another has done, cliques began to form, and backbiting is never at a minimum. Chicks are not upfront about much but have no problem discussing another woman. So therefore, you have no problem discussing me either with this person your talking about to me….see how that works. One minute you guys are tight. That's your right hand, ya'll go shopping together, she’s in your home, around your man, other friends, your family or whatever but yet this is the main one who will make you feel like shit at the drop of a dime. When I say this, I mean by being petty over little things when you thought she was more mature, will argue you down or fight you for a man that's not even hers, will discuss your life to people you don’t even know and yet somehow it always gets back to you or to someone you know and they have to be the ones to tell you how she really feels.

Side note: I have not ever been a product of my environment so speaking a certain way, carrying myself a certain way, the kind of men I chose to deal with, and the way I viewed things was different than theirs (family, friend) so I was judged. I didn’t have a baby father to sit and discuss, a man who was locked up, I could care less about my old dudes new girlfriend or how she looked, I never cared about another chicks man, and never went to another girls house because we were dealing with the same guy...he was dismissed right after. It’s not my fault that I just made better decisions with my life since I’m the one living it but people would make it seem as if you look down on them. Sounds like a personal issue. I don’t speak or associate with everybody “around the way” due to drama and the lack of patience I have for it so that makes me uptight, ignorant, or stuck up. I guess. My solution: fuck em. Many women experience this everyday and feel they have to explain themselves on who they are as an individual. A good, chill, laid back woman can’t just be this with certain neighbor’hoods’ in urban areas. She has to be the “typical” with every issue under the sun and everybody has to know her business or know who she is to have something to talk about. Now that I’m done with that…

With many female family members, it’s a lot worse and you’re better off being around people off the street! Since they have the tendency to know more of your business through auntie such and such, your mother, and cousin crystal, they will use that against you in a heart beat. They judge faster and will side with their neighbor before you and the neighbor don’t even like them. They will make you feel like the worst person in the world if you can’t help them with something financially forgetting or not caring that you have a household and other bills of your own to maintain. And lets not forget about the fact of them talking about you like a dog. I can see this from someone that doesn’t know you but not blood. I’ve heard many female family members from my own and others say how they don’t mess with another female family member for no absolute reason at all. Like not even have spoken, converse, or spent any time but because of how she carries herself, has her own, and doing okay if not good, she think she the shit? Well maybe she is if thats the case. Everybody has issues but deal with them differently than others. Know this and the world would be better place.

Over the years, I have made my mistakes and would have considered myself and still do consider myself a work in progress. I’ve become distant from people who I was tight with and never made amends and not because I didn’t care but because I did not notice it being done at first. I at some point seen a change in them towards me so I acted instead of inquiring. But did these people say anything, no. So who was really in the wrong? I was the reacher at one point. I would reach out and see how people are doing, how their parents were etc and often did not receive that in return. But it’s funny because people will tell you how they feel about you without saying anything. As stated earlier. I would try and make plans with a friend and things never worked out but there was always a million pictures with them out with other people or friends. I was the excuse maker like “maybe it’s our jobs or just plain scheduling conflicts”. Lol yeah, think I made my point. Anyway, I would, as many others view themselves, as a good person and friend but have been used, walked on often, and ignored so a wall has been put up. Being quiet, nice, and passive aggressive was the main reason I was taken advantage of. Has it made me another person, no but definitely made me stronger, more outspoken, and made me develop a more nonchalant attitude than I have before. Not all good things but it worked out for the best for myself. Take it or leave it. A lot of women don’t realize they make you who you are and will be the main person talking about the person you turned out to be and how you’ve changed. Funny right. Us women nine times out of ten don’t know how to just be. It does not always have to be drama or something going on to communicate with one another and be good. Of course not speaking on every single woman in the world but you get my point.

Side "piece" and the dilemma

At one point this was just something temporary, to have someone different outside of your man/woman. It was exhilarating and gave you a rush to even get attention from someone else in that way. The way they touch you, smile at you, make you feel you can be yourself good or bad and makes you forget about the headaches going on in life. Many people would say it made their relationships last longer or made it better. Maybe you realized you weren’t ready to settle down and were just used to dating but didn’t want to let them go. Maybe the sex is better, you guys have more in common, or maybe this is the person you run to when your partner is tripping or just getting on your nerves. You could be the side piece’s side piece, it could be insecurity issues, or maybe you’re looking for more of what you’re not getting. What happens if the side piece catches feelings? What happens if you do?

The funny thing about most “side relationships” is the person doing the cheating treats this person better than their “main”...yeah I have always been confused about that. If that’s the case then move on and stay with the side piece and live happily ever after. Of course this rarely happens because the one doing the cheating, wants their cake and eat it too. To be free spirits without the consequences. The cheater will make all the time in the world for their side piece without knowing it and leave the one at home on hold constantly wondering. I know you can’t help to whom you fall for but to a certain extent it makes me wonder, where is the respect for your relationship? For this person as an individual? Why do people insist on leading others on after this person’s emotions and heart are involved? Is this for excitement?

It’s funny and yet sad because with the women who are successful in life, lower their standards or “dumb” themselves down to be with a man. Usually a guy feels that since home is taken care of: bills paid, mortgage paid, suburban living, nice home, she has a car, sex whenever he wants it and sometimes how, they may have children together, and she gets whatever she wants, that its okay for him have other women…..or woman...a.k.a ”The side chick”. So I have wondered many times how these “type” of chicks feel knowing this. Of course they don’t feel bad because they wouldn’t continue to deal with him or even look twice if they knew he was taken or cared. But then the question at hand is who is the one actually lowering her standards? The side chick or the main? Or both? Honestly I say both.

In all actually, as far as personality, people show their true colors not too long after you meet them. When it becomes serious, some may show this side up to a year. At that point its up to you to decide if you want to deal or keep it moving. With that said, the main chick about 90% of the time knows what kind of man she is dealing with from the gate. Whether he's a flirt, all around cheater and with anything in a skirt, a gentlemen, all around asshole, selfish etc. You just know. Women don’t have women's intuition for no reason. So sometimes the main chick at one point was the side chick. He may not have had other women he was dealing with but everything else under the sun could have been his priority and not her. Just so happens he got comfortable with the main chick and decided it was not enough and went looking for more of what he thought he was missing.

The side piece has a woman's intuition as well but rarely uses it. She usually waits in the background playing her role. She notices him coming around when he’s horny and the main is out with friends or on vaca. She may know that things won’t work out in her favor every time she wants to see and be around this person. Instead of getting out of a hurtful situation, they stay for the benefits that come with it. She doesn’t have to deal with the emotional attachment, scheduled phone calls and texts, he has no authority over her meaning she can date whomever and whenever, no commitment and she is still taken care of financially (to an extent) and sexually. Sounds like a deal right? I guess but at some point, she is going to want more and want the luxuries the main chick is granted with on a regular basis depending on how long she’s been around. The kids, calling and texting whenever something good or bad happens, quality time, sharing a home, PDA, money for her own business, different cars and driving his, knowing the fam and close friends, cookouts, and double dates. But most of all his heart. These things will make anybody without a love of their own envious. May not seem like a lot but in her eyes and heart, she’s not getting that and will want that eventually. Then what? She makes herself known in some way and many cause rift and confusion in the life and relationships of the one they want leaving him with an ultimatum. Why do people still get involved in these situations is beyond me but to each its own.

Love letter to Love

Thank you. You have allowed people to be happy and actually feel it. Allowed people to have that emotional attachment that will make them do anything for the ones they adore. Gave those who have done wrong a second chance to have you in their lives and to feel you in every bone and not just the heart or smile. You have the ability for distance to never be an issue because you’re in heart and mind. Bringing children into the world and to actually have those that feel you inside and out before giving themselves away inside and out. True adoration are the grandparents who never seem to age and even after they raise their children, raise their grandchildren giving nothing but wisdom and all of you. Bringing families together for Sunday dinner or just a Tuesday night movie discussing life and goals. Giving hope to the men and women who feel you have failed them early on in life and allowing them to open their minds and hearts again to you.

You are powerful and almost like a drug, addictive even. Once people get a taste of you, they look for you again and again until being fully satisfied. You’re the reason people date and they have all kinds of apps/websites such as Tinder and eharmony for those looking for you. To feel the warmth you bring, a glow that never fades and knowing you have someone with you every step of the way. Bragging on social media of new babies, new partners, new homes or cars is the norm when wanting to show off the things they have the most adoration for. Pictures say a thousand words. Creating a strong bond between friends that lasts a lifetime through ups and downs, kids, marriages and relationships. People have the tendency to trust when you are around. They gain faith, hope often, wish more, trust God and learn to rely on self when not able to rely on others. The biggest problems many people have going through life.

I have personally learned to adore me more over the years whether good or bad. My mood swings (hey not my fault), loving nature, willingness to help those who need it, accepting people for who they are, my silliness around those that know me best, my randomness, conversation about anything, willingness to learn, love those who love me, straight forward, quiet, and often in my own world. That's just me. People will try to bring you down about the person you are because you’re not the person they want you to be or expect you to be. That's fine but I’m good on that. I have learned to adore those around me more. Friends, Family and my love and dismiss those who are not for me. You have confirmed to me awhile back that it was okay to adore ME enough to let them go and move on with life. That I will find happiness elsewhere and have.

So to love, I appreciate you and I’m sure other do as well. Keep being you and giving people a reason be themselves, to smile and to use you unconditionally.