Black & white or men & women?

           The way we live is different, what we eat is different, and the attitudes we carry are different. Its not a surprise that the way we handle relationships are different. Statistically, black women are the race that are least likely to be married and have a family. We often have kids before committing seriously to someone therefore making it okay to be a baby mother and drag on the title girlfriend forever. Is it us or the men?
            I see soo many white men and women my age who share a mortgage, a child or two and are genuinely happy. Of course with the usual relationship/partner problems. So why can't my race get it together?? In my opinion it's the way the we are raised, the neighborhoods we come from (environment) and homes we come from. The men are taught to not seek anything serious, have fun, and "sow your oats" beforehand to get it out of your system before settling down with someone.  While doing so, they have relations or relationships where they drag them along, feed them dreams of the things they wish for and impregnate without a second thought because "it" feels too good to use protection. The women allow it.
            Women constantly hear the convos from girlfriends or family on the amount of time you 2 have been together and automatically assume you should give him a child. Why not right? Financially your not where you want to be, you have an apartment not your ideal home, and don't have the career just yet that your working towards. But yeah, throw a baby into the mix and you will live happily ever after. Their examples are their mothers, since fathers being absent are the norm, which takes me back to black women not being married or staying married. It starts somewhere. Fathers are at a minimum and the confidantes are their friends whom are most likely in the same boat.
             The women see their mothers being single parents and most see it as independence and that it's okay to raise a human being alone. They may see their mothers being submissive to a man, giving him everything to keep him around but receiving nothing in return. And it's okay with them. Some women even tell their daughters that's how you get and keep him around. To play the role of house wife without a ring or serious commitment from this man, and it's okay. It has to stop somewhere. One thing I can say is most white women generally keep their men or is it the man keeping them? There's no gray areas, it's either or. Either women do the above for a man with no committing or she lacks somewhere because she knows she deserves more and she's single. Most white women I know or see are single or have the latter...the home, husband, kid (s), and careers. So which do you think it is, black culture or just men and women in general? I could be wrong though, just my opinion.

Steretyping in the work place

If you don’t have a career, you just have a job. Of course it’s not a bad thing but you work towards eventually having a career at some point in your life. You want to wake up ready to get the day started and have fun while doing so. Most people’s typical day at work: struggling to get out of bed, rushing to get dressed to make it on-time, get there on-time but praying “Lord pleassseee let today go by fast” before walking into the office/store, laughing at your managers corny jokes, doing what you’re told, conversing with fellow employees about life, looking forward to taking lunch before anything else, conversing some more and finally clocking out for the day. The happiest part of most people’s day honestly! Sad but true.

So let’s talk about my typical day at work in the lovely world of retail. I work at the Gap as a Lead Merchandiser, started out in Banana Republic as a sales associate and then to stock. Now that’s out the way. I had my fair share of assholes, stuck ups, bougie, and the ones who just care about a paycheck but nothing like what I experience at this location. Now around my way, I constantly see the girls/women wearing big bags, scarves on their heads and boots since it’s cold out. In the summer it’s just flip flops or some chucks or something light for the feet. So when I see women dressed as such coming into the store, I treat them no different than anybody else that walks in. Mind you the majority that shops at this location are white men and women from the King of Prussia or Plymouth Meeting areas. Nothing is said to them or about them over the walkie as they shop and take a million items into the fitting room and aren’t monitored. A black girl with the descriptions listed above walks in: “watch the girl with the big black/red/silver/blue bag walking around in womens adults, she looks fishy”. My issue with that is EVERY AFRICAN AMERICAN DOES NOT STEAL and especially from the Gap! Are you serious? If I’m going to get locked up for something, it’s going to be something that’s getting me a ton of money in my pockets for my kids kids to be cool….not from stealing ANYTHING from Gap. It pisses me off and working as a manager with mainly white women, it’s automatically going to look like a black and white thing and Lord knows I don’t need that bs while still working there.

Now a while ago, the GM comes to me and mentions that we have to start watching the Gap fit clothing due to about fifty something items gone missing. Now, I’m not saying my people don’t work out but damn if they are spending almost $70 on a pair of workout pants unless they have a credit card with the company. If we spend that amount, it’s somewhere where the material and name is worth that amount of money on any given day. It could be income tax time claiming 5 kids, a bonus from work or your man just wanted to treat you to something special, it’s NEVER that deep. We sweat in it and after 7 - 8 uses, it’s done anyway. Crazy. Anyway, white women are the ones who mainly buy the Gap fit clothing at full price not blacks. Grant it, I seen the black girls come in and steal kids items on camera, not so much adults though….there is mosty adult items being stolen on a daily basis. You mean to tell me that’s nothing but African Americans?? Really? FOH. What’s pissing me off is I have to work with these people. We (management) all keep our stuff in the office. That makes me think they may feel I could be the same way since I’m black and may carry a big bag sometimes depending on what I’m wearing. Not cool. It’s funny because they will come to me with a straight face and say “oh she just looked suspicious” after they see my face when saying some of the dumb shit they say about blacks shopping in the store.

There were a few customers who came to me about shopping at another location because they feel uneasy, were not helped, watched or followed a bit too much. I told them to do the survey and complain. And you know who’s mostly doing this...the GM. White woman in her 40’s or so who was probably raised in Plymouth Meeting and doesn’t know any better except from how we’re depicted on tv or on the news, you know, the usual bs. It’s to the point where these two black muslim women came in on the kids side and were looking around and I was asked, by her Miss GM, to watch them because they look “fishy”. How ignorant!! Does she not know that’s their religion? I wanted to say “bitch, you watch them! You getting on my nerves with the constant stupidity you display on a regular towards African Americans like they are the only ones in here stealing! If you paid the fuck attention to EVERYBODY and not just certain people, then you would know what race buys what items and the shit that goes missing most of the time. Fucking idiot.” BUT I still need a paycheck… to a certain extent, a bitch about to quit or get fired, whichever comes first at this point. Then there’s me, the black girl that just came in from another location, that doesn’t have a voice because she’s not in with the “work clique”, whos work and work ethic is constantly criticized about what could be done differently and with them failing to realize where they lack with my training, whom travels the furthest to be there and is looked at in a weird way when she’s not in the mood or displays attitude because she’s physically and mentally drained from a bullshit “job”.

So with that said, my typical day at work: FORCING myself to get up in the morning no matter the time, getting to work depending on traffic 5- 10 minutes before clocking in, rushing to grab coffee, going to the bathroom throughout the day checking indeed (lol), I may have shipment which needs to be opened by 9am after starting at about 6:30 am, watching the frowning faces of whatever manager is opening that day due to every box or item not being opened when they want it too, taking out boxes for trash with other associates, start giving jobs to the shipment team BUT that being stopped by another manager and them jumping in and telling the team what THEY want them to work on instead, go on break damn near running out the door without a coat on to rant to a listening ear about whatever just happened that morning, go back with an attitude towards management of course and buss it up with everybody else instead, say nothing on the walkie about clocking out and just clean up my mess, no convo at the door about future plans for the following day or about their kids or neighbors because I don’t give two shits. Home I go until the following day. Yup, sounds about right. Of course it wasn’t always like this. Feel free to email me about an opening somewhere😂😂 The search continues...

Mommy Dearest

“She felt I was too young for him and didn’t like me for whatever reason” - single mother with a sweet personality

“Honestly, I can’t put a finger on what the problem was with them” - cool college student with double major in Business

“Constantly minding our business” - married with 3 children & have been together since kids

“Her family wanted her to be someone within her race”- man working 2 jobs and taking care of home

“She felt I was too old for him” - single girl working 2 jobs

“She felt I wanted her husband even though I was with her son”

As a child, when you fell and got a boo boo or were teased by the little girl or boy that likes you at school that day, you would go home and tell a parent. Usually little girls their father and boys their mother. Into adulthood it’s the same scenario but just a tad different. There’s issues with work, a girlfriend or homey, roommate, or last but not least your relationship. You tend to gravitate towards your parents because they raised you, are older and wiser. Usually. But what happens when your the person of interest?

You do everything you should...be kind, considerate at cookouts, meet and greet the rest of the family and chit chat with the brother or sister(s) when you can. You know how to get in good graces to a certain extent since you feel you’ll be around for a little bit. That may even just be you as a person. Why not, right? With all of the scenarios listed above, you would think at some point that she would get the hint and just mind her damn business but oh no, she’s “mother” and “mother” knows best. If that’s the case, then how is it that these mothers are always single? Divorced a time or 2? And I realize they also lack on friendships outside of family. As a woman who has dealt with this twice and seen other woman go through it, that seems to always be the case.

So there’s my answer! They have nothing and no one else to rely on but their children and feel anything they go through and anyone they deal with, is always a concern of theirs. I personally feel if their child does not come to them or ask for help in any way with their relationships, it’s none of their concern. Let go and let the child live his/her life without butting in. I keep hearing that mothers want the “perfect” person for their child but my question is, if their dad was “so perfect” and they’re an expert on picking the perfect person for their children….why aren’t you with their father?? Or any man for that matter? Bye girl. Clearly they are the issue!

“I think there is someone out there that better suits you, that is not the girl for you”

“I don’t like her attitude”

“She’s too outspoken and strong-willed, you need someone more submissive”

The one thing that kills me is the gap wedged between a man’s mother and the mother of his child creating unnecessary tension and a child stuck in the middle. The child has no clue of what’s going on and loves each person unconditionally but eventually will see what’s going on. Nine times out of ten, his mother is most likely the problem. I know a lot of women who aren’t angels but don’t disrespect until disrespected, won’t show ignorance and will throw on their big girl panties and become single mothers before dealing with a man and his mother. It happens all the time and sometimes too often these days. It started with the same things listed above: they dated, she became a girlfriend, a child was brought into the picture and yet his mother still never respected the girlfriend, and he allowed it. Sometimes even if he doesn’t, mother knows best right. She feels she has the ability to be an accountant, therapist, chef, laundry attendant, housekeeper or dog walker. All just to be there and around to run a life besides her own.

When it comes to that mother and son relationship, that’s another level of bs that not even my enemy should deal with. Momma’s boy problems and they are quick to brush off that notion. Every woman at some point experiences this kind of man no matter the age or how long he hides it. If not, then you are very lucky and I give you a standing ovation! There are many mothers that feel that is the man in their life...weird, very. I understand he takes out the trash, helps her if she’s sick, clean the kitchen etc...you know the things he’s supposed to if he’s still living there in the house… Anyway, some of things I’ve dealt with. Date night turning into a selfish session of “woe is me” because someone made her mad or a grocery store run that’s all of a sudden a dire need. Speaking negatively about me to others to have everyone look at me like I’m the problem and she’s the victim. Supposedly I was disrespectful when I barely said anything to her for THAT reason alone or I had a nasty attitude. But hey what you give is what you get right? One thing I didn’t do was “bow down” to her. Yes you’re older than me and an adult...but so am I and if my own mother doesn’t speak to me or treat me a certain way, nobody else’s mother will. Period.

Back to what I was trying to say earlier. At some point you will begin to realize that your mother or even father is jeopardizing your relationships. Friends will then be the “go-to” which is not always a good thing because they are still in the learning process of life just like you. So what could you REALLY learn from them except maybe what not to do? Thus creating the circle of bullshit we deal with in relationships due to getting advice from people who can’t even fix their own problems. You need that wisdom from someone who has been there done that and can be real with you. Not necessarily telling you what you should be done. So with allll of that said, I wish everyone the best in situations like this going forward as it’s not an easy “problem” to have. Guess we have to be more careful to whom we become involved with and to whom we create bundles of joy!!

Green blues

I slowly realized this is the era for second jobs and low pay! You can be part time and get laid off! So many of us want to live this comfortable lifestyle that we can’t afford but always wanted to live. We show off on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter but the reality is nothing like what everyone sees. You get home everyday and Pray: for health, groceries, car payments or even bus fare. It’s a problem. People say alll day, well just save, get rid if what’s not important or ask for help. Welp, I hate asking people for anything and having to now owe them on top of everything else, it’s hard to save when you’re living paycheck to paycheck and can’t even save money for things you need and everything I have for the most part is important. Not memorable, materialistic things but things I need so getting rid of anything is out the question.

You go to sleep stressed, smear your makeup or stain your pillow, wake up relieved only to walk around the next day with the financial woes that follow. Trying to keep it in the back of your head but there is always something that needs to be paid for at some point during the month. People will always have something to say: at some point in life everyone goes through a financial hardship of some sort, this too shall pass or everything will work out for the better. Words of encouragement are awesome but that’s honestly the last thing I want to hear when I’m dealing with something so stressful. Thanks though. It’s hard knowing you can’t pull your weight with even simple things because money is already counted for. Christmas is cheap, birthdays are selfish and any other date that was once important in between is no longer relevant.

It’s hard out here and you’re blessed if you’re making $400 a week. Many jobs cut hours like you don’t have to rely on that paycheck to live and they will make you beg for hours for a job you probably had for years. You have to literally bust your ass and show them you want the hours for them to even give you 30 hours a week. I have a $60 phone! No Iphone, Galaxy nothing or the new such and such and I’m fine with that. Been there, done that and they all do the same thing. My goals are bigger than that at the moment. This is the generation of getting off work at 11pm from an 8 hour shift to be at the next job in the AM by 6 or 7 trying to keep up with bills and other people.

We just had Thanksgiving and I’m thankful for everything in my life right now. But it’s just ironic to me how you see people post on social media how thankful they are but are up 4am the next day shopping on Black Friday looking for more…? These same retail stores have the same deals ALL year long but we make a big deal about it on that specific day? Stupid. People don’t pay attention. I guess working in retail, I would know. Now if it’s a NEED, then okay but it’s mainly WANTS to show off for company when they come over or to brag about having this, that and the third. Another stupid action by my fellow peers and Americans. I honestly have not been out on Black Friday in 8 years, I’m good.

Hopefully everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving and “Black Friday”!! Lol

Same difference!

Bi-sexual, Tri-sexual, Transgender, Homosexual, Lesbian, Queer, Judy, Asexual or Dike. What do they all have in common….HUMAN BEINGS. Period.

I remember in high school sitting at the lunch table and always starting a conversation about something! There were six of us that went to middle school together and it was an even split of three who grew up in church and three who did not but believed in God. So, being me and random as usual, I asked a question many were not really concerned about around that time: “would you disown your child if he or she came to you and said they were gay or liked the same sex”? Of course the three who grew up in church responses were “yes, that’s not in the Bible”, “that’s not how I’m going to raise my children so that shouldn’t be the case” and my favorite “I would have nothing to do with my child or their partner”. Hmm. Now me having never going to church every Sunday as a child or grew up reading the Bible, I still felt something in me say that was completely wrong! Why would disown a human being that did not ask to be here?! Made entirely no sense. I understand what’s in the Bible and what Christians believe and I know it’s wrong to put myself above God’s word but I can not view my child in a negative way because of their sexual preference.

Not many people were “out” at that time but somehow you just knew who they were before “gay” became the norm at high school’s, work or having their own neighborhoods. I still stand my ground on my child regardless. People don’t realize how that hurts or makes a person feel for just being themselves and 9/10 they can’t help it. It’s just like certain foods you would prefer over others, it’s what makes you happy right? I see this too often with people not being able to be who they are and be comfortable. When I say this, I guess I mean with family first and then some friends. They’re blood but will make you feel more of an outsider than a stranger on the street! This is supposed to be your comfort zone where if you can’t be yourself around anyone else, they are to welcome you with open arms, heart and mind. I can understand many fathers being disappointed not having the “manly” or “typical” son they dream of. Playing sports, the talk about building a family, the first girl they kiss or being there to watch the first born knowing his son was responsible for this beautiful creation. It’s the same for moms watching their daughters grow up dating the same sex. There may not be the mani and pedi day, make-up, meeting the man of her dreams or teaching her how to walk in high heels. But life goes on and he/she should not be treated any different as love is unconditional. What love isn’t, is universal. There wouldn’t be many transgender or gays being killed or harmed in any way because of their sexual preference. Is it that serious? Grant it, I know many who often don’t understand that everybody is not to be pushed up on or even approached by someone who prefers the same sex. Just because you do, does not mean they prefer it. Be careful. That still should not anger someone to the point of doing bodily harm. That is still someone’s child, mother, son, daughter or father you are taking away forever.

I love every gay friend I have, male or female, or relative and judge not. I feel same sex should be legal everywhere and they should have the same privileges as heterosexuals. Especially since this way of living has been around for ages now and proves to be going nowhere anytime soon. If someone wants to get a sex change to look like Beyonce then so be it! All the straight women who get a plethora of  different surgeries done to up their self- esteem or impress a man with money, why can’t they do the same to feel good about themselves and show off? The booty shots and injections, lip injections, hip injections, higher cheek bones and smaller foreheads are getting out of control but it’s looked as eye candy and supposedly makes a woman look better being built a certain way. Really? But a gay man is shunned upon for being gay first and foremost, wearing make-up, heels and getting the same surgeries done? I didn’t know “surgery” was just for certain people? Smh. Whatever. It goes both ways. Women stop doing the same things these gay men and women do to look “good” and feel good, then people will stop talking about lop-sided booties and breasts. It’s the same difference. We are ALL human with our personal insecurities and desire things we have always wanted in life. Male or female.

Platonic or naw??

Platonic: of, relating to, or having a close relationship in which there is no romance or sex.

If you haven’t already, you will always run into this kind of friendship. Nothing more or less than what it really is. You know almost everything about this person so it’s like relationship in a way, just not in THAT way. They always seem to be the go - to when issues with your partner or other friendships aren’t going so well. This is the first person you think of when something is good or bad to tell them and maybe get advice. Simple, right? When it’s years, eventually, depending on how often you talk, someone catches feelings. The waiting begins. Of course you guys date people, in and out of relationships, catch up here and there on the “daily news” of life. This person never speaks on their feelings and wants nothing but happiness for you. But deep down, they want you and secretly wait for your relationships to sour so they can have you in the way they’ve always wanted. But what happens when it’s not mutual?

Case in point. I’ve known him since 10th grade in high school but didn’t began hanging out until a few years after graduating from high school. He was with someone at that point and I never paid him any mind. I always thought it was cool having a close guy friend and him not be gay! I didn’t think that it would make me come to the decision of falling back. Why? Well, throughout the years and now, I have not EVER looked at him like I wanted him and that we’re just friends. He has attempted plenty of times before so how could I call this person “friend”? That was stupid Dannie but I have to laugh at it. Simply because It then was not platonic and the whole time this person was on the fence of what they really wanted. I know how he is and was in relationships...with that said, I’m good buddy. I, like many others, don’t want to ruin a friendship by “trying” anything other than what we’ve already tried, friendship. Period. It seems as if many lay back and give advice whether good or bad and wait for your man to mess up to sweep in and get what they want. He just got out of a relationship and I’m not trying to be anybody’s rebound. I don’t even want a rebound for self! It’s possible for men and women to strictly be friends but you always have the one that messes up for everybody...this would be him.

What I’m really confused about is when I asked him why, his answer was, “why not”...that’s it? No sparks, moons, stars?? Lol. Clearly we don’t need to do that move buddy. My question is, why do people feel they need to rebound with someone else to get over an ex? I have not ever looked back on wanting to be with an ex boyfriend! The answer is simple, do you after breaking up and before actually moving on. That’s it. Have your “phone buddy” when you get bored and take it one step at a time. The more you date, video chat, email, text and go out with other people, it’s going to make you miss that feeling of being in a secure relationship where you could do all of the above, with one person. Then you get nostalgic and miss/want what you had, your comfort zone. Whether this person was good for you or not, you then began to think of ways you two could figure out a better way of doing everything that went wrong. Who wants to got through all of that!!? I would rather wish them well, stay single-single, date when I’m completely ready and do the relationship thing when God wants me too. In between, when you stay busy and focus on bettering you mentally, spiritually and financially, your good. You won’t have time for the bullshit that comes along with these men. It’s actually a good feeling, freeing. So until next time, stop rebounding and looking for the “next best thing”, you lost it. Except it and move on.

My problem with those who receive Low Income Housing

I know many people in the city of Philadelphia alone who are on Low Income Housing (Section 8) and Welfare. It’s nothing wrong with getting the help needed to live because life can be very hard and harder on others. I don’t like the fact that many, especially women, abuse the system, take more than what they really need and leave nothing left for those who actually need the help with food and financial. On my way to work in the morning, I see the same things in my area. Women who drop their kids off to daycare or preschool and go back home to sleep and do nothing else. How do I know you may ask? Well if they had anything else to do, you would have on a uniform or work clothes of some kind instead of sweat pants, adidas flip flops and scarf on their heads. Of course with the exception of those who work at night and are single parents. What also kills me are the “drop off chicks”. Everybody knows at least one that drop their kids off to their parents or grand-parents and spend too much money on weave, shoes, makeup and nails but don’t have job the first. Welfare works wonders.

Anywho, the real reason I’m writing this blog post, the housing situation. It pisses me off to see or walk past Low Income Housing areas and to see it look like shit! Excuse the cussing but if you really needed the help with housing, you would figure people would act as such, right? They destroy the housing that’s provided and forget it can also be taken away. Or can it? I’m guessing not. Knowing someone that works for subsidized housing, they just go in, fix it up and make it nice, neat and clean for the next person to tear it up and move out. Same cycle. People don’t think nor do they care. Most of these houses or apartments are city owned and are just provided for women with kids and low income. Therefore, if you know you can not afford anywhere else to go/live and the city of whoever is willing to help...treat the housing as if you give a damn. I’ve been in a few to visit. The carpet is atrocious, front door is always open when the weather permits, kids running around everywhere and in and out the house, young men and women sit outside all day in the front smoking marijuana, trash is everywhere but in the can, more drinking, bodega and chinese spots than anything else in the area and loud mouth talking is the norm. Hey it could be worse and some places are but some are actually not that bad. Crazy because when gentrification occurs, they are upset now having to move in areas that are way worse than where they were or are put on a waiting list. Now crowding the local shelters. Not thinking that gentrification happens when the area gets too bad, homes and apartments are beyond run down with roaches and filth and the crime rate is out of control. After that, it’s a trickle down effect. From the homes it goes to the neighborhood rec centers, libraries and then business’.

These people are then forced to leave losing what they worked hard for and no longer being able to pay the rent that has now increased. It’s sad because the business has usually been at that location for years and the owner expected to stay longer. There are now WaWa’s, expansion of colleges/universities, 711’s, laundromats and newer homes that take over damn near leaving most people with low income homeless. All it takes is to think. If they would appreciate and take care of where they live, 8 times out of 10, gentrification would not happen because of triflin tenants. Many don’t foreshadow before making a decision or are even willing to save when having to work part-time to make their situation better. Most of the bills they have are already getting taken care of so what’s left could be in a savings account. Instead money is spent on frivolous things trying to show off what you don’t have on a daily basis. How are you competing with anyone in your neighborhood or building when everyone is in the same boat and situation? If they knew better, they would do better I guess.

People need to at least think of the children involved and wonder how their lives would turn out if they don’t leave  the projects or bad areas for low income to lead a better life and example for them. Staying stuck there creates more crime, poverty and all around bad decisions thus making the city gentrify for better. People don’t realize when they go to certain areas and it’s a mess and uncomfortable, usually PEOPLE living there are the creators of the madness. I know the city has their own rules and regulations but it’s not that bad to the point of wanting to destroy it and that’s where you lay your head. It creates tension and makes it harder for those who really need the help to receive it. Think.

Grandmother

Growing up, the first person most people encounter is their mother. They hold you, wipe your tears, knows about your first crush, and tells you everything is going to be okay. They are the first to be honest and can pick up on a bad boyfriend or girlfriend. The good mothers, can’t live without them. But then you have Grandmother. The best thing outside of a mother you can have in your life and anybody’s whose Grandmother is still living, is blessed. They spoil you and are beyond generous if you have children! The one thing I love the most is their wisdom. I love sitting and talking with a woman that has been on this earth longer than I have and can tell me my rights and wrongs especially when I feel or think everything is good.

They check you. Whether they're into church, drinking coffee on the porch in the morning retired, watching what goes on around the neighborhood or in the house crocheting, they will stop what they are doing to tell it like it is. They always have something to say that will make you think and help you grow. I have learned a lot over the years listening in on “grown people” conversations (yes being nosey, lol). About the dramas of relationships, friendships, family, how to tell when someone is not real with you, spotting jealousy in a female “friend”, when you’re being used and how to leave a bad situation. The first thing I learned about that was spotting the issue and then separating yourself emotionally.

Anyway, I love how I’m put in my place about “having it bad” and them telling me stories about how they grew up and what they had to endure. Definitely different from today and I love hearing about it. Different tips on what to put in my hair that I already have at home, the men from back in the day and they haven’t changed much(lol) or the pictures I see with the Vintage clothing we buy and wear now from boutiques. Nothing was short, boobs were not out, bikinis were high wasted to cover the stomach, heels were high but classy and hair was swooped, feathered, finger waved, or with a loose curl but always pretty. They are the voice of reason for the women who have sorry fathers, baby fathers, mothers and children. I know sooo many women who are grandmothers raising their child's children and still keep a smile on their faces knowing the child is out of harm's way and a bad situation. That goes to show when our parents are out of the picture or are down and out in some way, grandmothers step in and nurture any situation back to where it needs to be.

I feel that the way people are now, is because of grand-mom, mom mom or momma. When a man is raised with some sense and does the right thing by his woman and family, his grand -mother was around, when a woman treats herself with respect and men respect her, mom mom was there and taught her how to carry herself and when our parents stay together through thick and thin, teach good values and are there for their children, momma was in somebody’s ear and had something to do with it. So besides just respecting our parents and paying homage to them when we do well in life, there was someone there before our parents and with our parents teaching them how to live life. It was just passed down to us.

Food is never at a minimum and the first thing you go for is the stove or fridge to see what she cooked. Every birthday party, holiday, and any day in general is spent at her house when you want good conversation and laughs. Takes your mind off whatever is bothering you to learn something. The one thing I will always take with me is her saying: “That man (God) sits high and looks low. Watch how you treat people and know that God knows everything in your heart FIRST before acting out in the physical. Every dog has its day! People do things and tell others they felt bad or apologize for something but aren’t genuine about it. Their mouths say one thing but their heart said something else when it happened, that’s what he pays close attention to.” Now if that doesn’t make you act right, I don’t know what will!! With her not being my biological grandmother, she’s the closest thing to it at this point. I’ve been around her for about 3 years and she has gone out of her way on several different occasions to make sure I was okay. That’s why I do the same for her. Not too many do that especially when they aren’t blood. I love her as if she was my own and always will!

She was talking about something as usual! lol

Date Night

It starts with a text or phone call. Dinner, movies, comedy show, bong fire on the beach with your favorite alcoholic beverage as good music plays in the background. The weather permits it. It could be an all day thing with boo, babe, or whatever cute name to spend QT. Either way, it’s always has a good ending at the end of the night. Especially if its done right. He has to be genuine, loving, willing and anxious. And in that order. Without thinking twice, he has you on his mind when he wants to do something special for his lady. Genuine. Two hours before going out, you began to get ready. Picking the outfit, right makeup, lipstick, lotion if legs will be out, perfume, and of course shoes. Something sexy but comfortable. At dinner, he's attentive. Flirting with you and he already has you. Complimenting you on the smell of choice, how your eye shadow matches perfectly with your skin tone, your smile, the way your back is arched in the heels you carefully picked and of the course the dress that gets attention. Loving. Good conversation, laughs, reminiscing, future plans and work are the topics. You sip your wine and him his cocktail. Gazing into his eyes, you have one question: Why me? How handsome he looks in his suit and you’re thinking about the aftermath of reaching home to the setup you prepared. More wine, massage oil, candles, white rose petals leading from the front door to the bedroom, bathroom, on the bed and the waterfall waiting between your legs that's ready to fall. She's been marinating for him. Your one and only who can do what he does to create the flow. Only thing on your mind is tearing his ass up when yall get home! His lips in all the right and wrong places, his strong hands giving you a tingle when he caresses the top of your booty and gently pulls your hair. He's thinking the same. Of course, he's a man. The sexy walk you have in heels and the sway your body creates. No panty lines so either you have g-string or none at all. The less, the better. The way your skin feels when it touches his and knowing what to do with your hands and when. You know how to please him and make him feel good. You get pleasure out of it. Willing. Closing out the night, it seems forever getting back to the car. You say your hellos and goodbyes to people you may know briefly. You then began going over the music you may dance too in the heels a couple of inches taller than what you have on. Should they be black, nude, red or straight stripper? Decisions, decisions. You already laid out the lace cut-out everywhere snap on the shoulders one piece from Fredericks of Hollywood on the bed. Very sexy might I add and he will love it. High French cut on Miss Miss, g-string that exaggerates the curve of the booty and see through to get him harder than a brick. Two candles in the bedroom that gives the right amount of lighting and the relaxing mango smell that lingers in the air that takes your mind off where you actually are at the moment. Chair in the middle of the floor for ample room to dance around and grind when necessary. The last thing you will do to conclude the night before...you know. The new bubble bath you just purchased from The Body Shop smells of melon and cucumber. Your plan after the massage you have planned in another bedroom for even more relaxation and a better turn on. While giving him his massage, the water will run to get things ready for you guys to soak and sip. This is where he will remain for a few until you change and set the music for your dance. You’re comfortable in your skin and he brings that out of you. Him knowing you have something up your sleeve on the way home makes him horney. He remembers the last time at the random but beautiful hotel, after a day at the beach with friends, with the martini glass jacuzzi and city night-life view from the 15th floor. Those were the only lights used that night. Anxious. Being the gentlemen he is, he opens your door while holding your hand and escorts you in the home you two share. Pretty sure you know the ending;)

*California Dreaming*

Just existing and doing for others and not self at some point is the life of many. They have sick parents, grandparents, children, or too afraid to try something different. Outside the norm even. You figure where your family is, is where your supposed to be because it’s home. Well home can be anywhere your heart desires honestly. So with that said, I’m California dreaming!

Yes, it seems typical but I’m not going to be an actress, singer, or whatever, just something different and having family out there is also not a bad thing. My aunt has been out there since the 80’s so I’m quite sure anything I need to know, she has all the info. I ran into a girlfriend of mine awhile back and she felt the same way. It’s crazy because we’re both broken up, want something different and where the the weather isn’t bad and both applying for management roles at our jobs where we can transfer...why not? We have no major responsibilities and can go wherever we want, whenever. At least this is a start. A friend of mine asked “why all the way over there?” or “what is out there that you can’t get here?” I don’t know but I’m willing to find out at this point, Philadelphia is a drag and I need new scenery...asap. I will miss my family and friends but hopeful about my future there and people I will meet along the way. Starting over and it’s going to feel good! The best part about it is I love the beach! And if you know anything about California, beaches are never at a minimum. So where we shall live…

So my cousin says LA because that’s where she is so it’s an option so I can be closer to them. We have many options though such as Long Beach, Redondo Beach, LA, Torrance, San Diego, San Francisco and Culver city...hmmm decisions, decisions. Cali is super expensive! So it would be something within our budget but God has not put us this far to just leave us high and dry so I’m quite sure we will find something nice and affordable (Lord willing lol). We have been meeting up and looking, comparing notes, thinking about the drive...yes, driving smh (40 hours!), shipping our belongings, buying furniture once we get there, hopefully a near by dog park for the pup and access to a train for work due to the crazy traffic they have there. Whew! It’s a lot but we are getting there. I found a website that has cheap moving for belongings but have to look further into it to make sure it’s legit. If not, UPS it is and I’m willing to put out the money for whats mine.

The weather is amazing year round! I hate the winter so why deal with it? I dread it every time it comes close to October. Thinking about the snow, ice, and freezing rain. In the cities listed above, the annual temperatures are between 46* and 88*...not bad. Of course they’ve had their colder weather in the past reaching 30* and hotter weather reaching 100* but that’s normal for Philadelphia in the winter during the day or colder. No biggie. I Am more nervous about brush fires, earthquakes, tornadoes (maybe) and mudslides I’ve heard about. From people I’ve talked to here, I’ve heard “well what about the crime and all the bad things that happen there?” Well what about the crime that happens everywhere in every city and country around the world? It’s going to happen regardless of where you live! You get over it and continue to live life, period. I feel that’s one of the excuses of many. Worried about all the wrong things and not what’s going to be good about the situation. Time for me to live and not just exist. Do what I want and live where I want without thinking things will go awry. Just prayer (asking for guidance, strength), support from family and friends and confidence will get me through. Anyway I’m staying positive and keeping God first throughout all of this. When we leave and on the road, I will post pictures of our journey there and even after;) Hopefully you will enjoy them and feel free to comment! Until then, to more writing!!

Dannie

Daydreaming...

You wake up in the morning to get ready for work. A little yawn, stretch and patter on the face to get yourself going. It’s dawn and the sun is peeking through clouds colored in light orange, blues and grey. The city skyline right below. You feel good, thankful. Funny because you’ve never been a morning person! Your home is beautiful and shows the success story you have created for yourself, family and bank account. Floor to ceiling windows, long flowy drapes that accent the color and decor, nicely finished wood flooring, marble this, stone that and about 3,200 square feet of what you worked to the bone for. You remember having your “stagnant” period in life. Where you felt at a stand still, nothing was going your way, and often wondered what God was up to for you and your life. There is his and hers in the garage and every little gadget your heart desires because you’ve earned it. Every now and then you think back to working for people you didn’t like or that didn’t like you, jobs that didn’t pay well and living pay-check to pay-check just to get by. Barely having money for gas, the bus, transit running when it wanted and people being funny with their vehicles. Hey, they had a right to I guess. You think on being around the corner from the papi store, chinese or hoagie spot and could get a water ice from the truck when he came around. Hearing Mr. Softee a block away and boys riding dirt bikes to have something to do or show off.

Snapping out of it to let your dogs outside to use the bathroom before you shower and you remember your first apartment. It had a back yard but was shared between your building and the next one over. Barely any privacy when wanting to get some air but it was what it was and you dealt with it. You didn’t have a dog at the time but wanted one. When you finally got one, he still didn’t have a backyard but he was taken on long walks and to parks to get air and play. Now you have all the space in the world for them to run around all day if they wanted. The roommate you shared a space with was the “you don’t know somebody until you live with them” kind of thing. Triflin. She had a problem with amnesia and instead of paying rent on time, she would rather go on shopping trips with a dude that would lay up in our apartment all day while we work? All a memory now.

The times when you worked 2 jobs are in the past. Getting home between 11 & 11:30 pm and have to get right back up at 6am to do the second job and repeat. Not to mention doing so while I was a student! Tiring. Now, you have one job and trips and vacations are the norm throughout the year. You feel you don’t work because it’s something you LOVE and it comes natural and easy to you. Getting up in the morning is so peaceful and you’re actually more relaxed than you’ve ever been. Unless you stayed up toooo late but who hasn’t done that.

You have a great support system behind you starting with the snoring body still in bed. Hey at least somebody is getting some sleep. He’s been there for you even when you were down and still figuring things out. Even times when you couldn’t buy dinner for the two of you to eat that night. Times were rough, frustrating and hard but he never gave up on you knowing you were trying and doing your best to make ends meet. He got frustrated pulling the weight but understood how you felt dealing with it all as he’s had financial struggles of his own and barely getting by. He’s the absolute best man to have!! You began getting teary eyed thinking about it. He could have left and been with someone who was well off and wasn’t struggling or left you high and dry without a care in the world about your well being. He stayed and if you struggled, yall struggled together and made things happen. That’s love and loyalty. So of course on your wedding day, you cried like a baby and was just grateful for this person God has blessed you with and will continue too. He’s now successful in his own right and no matter what makes you a priority. Vice versa. Even his momma has to wait her turn for time on occasion lol but she respects and understands the bond you two have. Boundaries are never crossed.

You then realize what time it is! After you’ve let the dogs in, gave them food and water, had your coffee or tea, showered and kissed your man until later on, on the sleepy lips...time to start the day!

To prosperity, love and dreams coming true.