The Nerve

Real quick, Ladies, maybe it’s me but have you noticed that a man’s expectations for us are different from what ours are for them? I know typical but I can’t with the comments they make about women like they walked out the door looking like they are ready for the Mercedes Benz fashion show in New York or they come to bed built like Tyson Beckford! Im confused. They have too many complaints for my liking. It’s either:

-whats up with your feet? (yours could use a pedicure or lift but okay)

-I like your complexion but being lighter or darker would have been better (talk to God about that one)

-I don’t like make-up (well I do)

-wearing bonnets/scarves to bed (Nigga I have to work in the A.M)

-certain colors on nails or toes (If I like it, let me be)

-the way we are built (Booty too flat, too skinny...whatever)

-the downplay of my natural sistas (everybody does not care for weave, heat, or perms..get over it)

-Her style of dress is not what every other female is wearing (I Am my own person and wear what I want, when I want and how)

I don’t understand it. Clearly that just shows her priorities are on what’s important and not the nonsense that isn’t because that’s what everyone else is doing. She just marches to the beat of a different drum. Anyway, lets go in for a minute on these men that always have something to say. The same dude looking at a female for how she is built almost always has that boney Wiz Khalifa body or fat albert, bone crusher type dude and package may be small. Yes, we still care about that fellas and since you can’t help how you’re built down there, shut up. How about the guys with the weird shaped heads….sometimes flat in the back, jacked up hairline, lumps all over the place or that unexplainable knot in the back of your head? That’s not cute buddy. How about rap and hip hop are not the only genres of music and love and respect being more important than fashion, how many different chicks you can get or how much money you have in the bank. A lot of men don’t wear what looks right on them or fits them properly but quick to put a female in her place about it. We pay attention to the way you guys do everything just like it’s done to us. But woman almost always get the short end of the stick!

I could go on but the point is made. Everybody has their flaws and certain ways they do things. Men (especially straight) should be the last to put women down and should do more uplifting. Maybe learning from their older counterparts could help. Older men compliment, they speak with just hello or good morning, and could care less what you look like in the home as long as in public you look good. Younger men are too picky and need to get a clue because if most of them strip, it ain’t a pretty sight and far worse than any female I know and don’t know! But carry on fellas ;)

A & B conversation

Conversations always seem to be taken in first, second and third person, never just first and second. Why? No real friends or loyalty. Well people also have a tendency to want either closure, clarity or convincing. Closure by just leaving the situation and individual alone, clarity to figure out how to handle the situation from someone elses point of view or convincing to even say anything at all. Still confused? So am I!! If this is your friend and you feel in your heart that something needs to be said and what needs to be said...then why ask ANYBODY else for their opinion. I honestly will ask to compare or just to vent out my feelings but never do what anybody tells me I should do. Wish everybody was like this but we know how that goes. But what happens if it was a private conversation? You know about your personal problems and you felt you have a good friend, why not talk about it and see what she thinks. Time goes by and everybody knows your business!! Really? So you go back to the source.

Scenario:

1. Susan: Hey girl, I wanted to run something by you when you got a chance about the other day. I didn’t bring it up because we were in the eyes and ears of other people and wanted to keep it private.
2. Sky: Sure girl, wassup?

    A. Well you remember when you said something about my family drama and personal issues to diane? I did not appreciate that and felt that was spoken between me and you. If I wanted diane to know, I would have told her myself but felt I could talk to you and figured you would keep it to yourself.

    B. Well I apologize about that. Figured everybody has issues and didn’t think it would a big deal because we all were friends.

1. Understandable but please don’t do that again. I know she has a big mouth sometimes and know I can’t go to her about everything!
2. I get it because I can be the same way. It won’t happen again!

Everything seems cool and it seems Sky understood until D, E and F heard multiple stories about what happened and how Sky REALLY felt. Come to find out:

-your family is crazy

-they do nothing for you

-you’re petty

-always have something going on or to complain about

-she didn’t think it was a big deal because everybody has family issues so why is yours sooo important to keep quiet about?

-your aunty such and such on welfare and wic, etc, etc...

Wow! So much for having someone to talk to right? I have learned over the years and still learning actually that everybody is NOT a friend and change like the weather! They often fake the funk and put on these faces to know your business. Sky and Susan are no longer friends of course and thats when Sky really ran her mouth about Susans life and she felt. Smh. Crazy but women or females are just petty like that. Let bygones be bygones and just move on. No need for the extra stuff. How can you put down someone you considered a friend so bad that it ruins your friendship? And why would you want to? I have learned that A LOT of women carry insecurities and bring them into their relationships and not just with men. Sad thing is putting another “sister” and fellow woman down is the right thing to do when no longer cool?!? It seems that person is now beneath you and you have every right to say whatever you want. But when you guys were friends, you kept quiet and consistently expressed how you felt to others that had nothing to do with nothing...interesting. When the Susans come to you being real and honest, it’s never reciprocated and often fabricated when spoken about to others. You know who you are. Carry on.

3 Sides...

I always believed there were 3 sides to the way a woman thinks: heart, mind, and intuition.

Heart: She will follow and be loyal and would not think the people she cares about the most would hurt her. It will be hard making a decision about a relationship or family member because of what it symbolizes to others and what they mean to her. She knows this is what makes people stay in bad situations and regret wasted time. It will still be hard letting go.

Mind: This is when she begans to talk about her problems to everyone close to her. For reassurance or closure before actually making her decision. She constantly goes over and back and fourth about things even when its the truth. Big and small details. Speaking in second and third person to describe everyones action and reaction making sure she gets a truthful response from peers. Leaving out no details but still feeling as if it was all her fault. It will be hard letting go.

Intuition: She knows exactly whats going on. Will ask questions she knows the answers to, goes on social media, figure out passwords, and may even become "cool" with people she doesn't even like just to get answers. It's like feeding a crazy appetite. She pictures what it would be like without this person and how to deal day by day. Thinking of their actions and how they made her feel is the worst. She knows she deserves better. Letting go is a piece of cake;)

Recap of a book

The days I have off work, I love reading a good book. Especially like today when its rainy and a nice little breeze coming through the window. Chilling. I usually go for the love books with explicit sexual content (not on purpose) and of course mainly the action and drama that comes along with it. It’s entertaining to say the least. I love the fact that all of my electronic devices are google play and books to pick up where I left off on one device. Their free selection of books aren’t that bad either. Previous books I’ve read and enjoyed were Fifty Shades of Grey, The Coldest Winter Ever, Midnight, a few by Zane and Steven King. But out of all the drama and craziness, there is nothing like the book I’m reading now. I borrowed this from a cousin who is the queen of reading these types of books. It’s called The Ex Factor by Tu-Shonda Whitaker. It’s about 3 sisters from Brooklyn named Celeste, Imani, and Monica who have the same mother different fathers and live different lifestyles in a sense.

Celeste is the oldest who has 3 children (1 of her own and twins by her husband), married to a cop to whom is younger than she, and they live in Jersey. Over the years she has gained weight, no longer works and her husband, Shareif, is no longer attracted to her and she knows it. Long nights, he’s never home and knows he’s cheating...just not with who. Imani is the sister on welfare, lives in the projects in Brooklyn, has a son by someone she was with for 10 years but he can’t seem to stay out of prison or keep a job. She found out while he was away for 2 years, he had gotten someone else pregnant with their second child while she visited him in prison the days Imani didn’t go and also married her while he was in prison. Imani never knew this. Last but not least is Monica, the sister that pissed me off. Monica works at a hospital, single has no man, her own place, no kids and seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. Monica is having an affair with her sisters husband, Shareif, is now 4 months pregnant and keeping the baby! Really? Not saying this does not happen but I’m not checking out nobody elses man...he’s yours and let alone my sister’s man. Triflin. What made it worse was Celeste would confide in her sister about their marriage, she knowing that he’s cheating, and how she felt.

So this may not be a big deal to some but to me it is having 2 other sisters myself and not having a thought in mind of something like this happening. Of course the husband is telling Monica he wants to be with her and love her but doesn’t want anymore children...welp buddy should have thought about that before having unprotected sex with her. And it’s crazy because Monica doesn’t have a guilty bone in her body. She feels Celeste was always mean to her growing up and it’s her fault that she gotten fat and no longer keeps the interest of her husband. What type of s**t is that!?

How is a woman that desperate to have a man she is willing to take someone elses and rain on the other womans happiness? How are you that miserable to sit and dwell on the love and affection you see a man give his woman that you would want him specifically to do the same for you? The sad thing is the lengths that his woman would go through to keep his sorry ass. I’m not fighting nobody, you don’t deserve a cuss out, he doesn’t deserve tears and I will not be distraught. Honestly if it was that easy, no matter how long she was chasing him, you weren’t mine to begin with. Nobody should ever be able to come between you and your partner. Period. I hate when people say it was a mistake, they think with their “friend”, men can’t control their sexual desires or sex drives, and the infamous “men will be men” bull. And for the life of me don’t understand it. Anybody in their right mind will think about what they are losing and how they won’t EVER get that back, even if she takes you back. It won’t be the same. If this is not an immediate thought, you didn’t really care like you thought you have all that time.  

Hate.

Hate. Such a strong word and people use it in the wrong context. Men and women constantly use it to describe how someone feels about them. For example: to be jealous because of how they dress, the kind of car they have, them having their own spot, or because of the man or woman they have in their lives. You know the things you are supposed to have as an adult. Ridiculous. Honestly, if I’m going to feel that strongly about someone, it’s going to be something real. I will hate the person who murders a family member of mine and taking them from myself, their family and my own, the boyfriend who manipulates and abuses a friend of mine and lowers her self esteem, or the father that was never there but wants to be when I shine and do well for myself. Those are legit reasons for me to HATE someone.

There are people who feel material things are a reason to hate, lets think about what some go through on a regular basis. Homelessness is something we see on a daily basis. We have no idea why they are at that point in life but I hate seeing people sleeping on the streets and living underground by the sub or el. We can point the finger all day long but for those that are going through it, have a reason to hate the way they have to live. Shelters are available and I honestly feel they become too full and they have no choice but to make a home somewhere else. The woman who suffers physical abuse from her husband or lover has a reason to hate. Her children have a reason to hate her for not leaving and staying to be hurt. They see the pain shes dealing with and too young to help her. That girl who suffers sexual abuse has a reason to hate her abuser and anybody that never stopped him when she spoke up. People with single parents have a reason to hate their mothers or fathers for not being there. They watched day by day the struggle for food, gas to get to work, money for the bus or train, getting things for the home or trying to make time for themselves to be an adult outside of their children.

Instead of focusing on the petty reasons why we hate anything, lets always stop and think about what someone else is going through and the reasons why they have hate in their hearts. We have the opportunity to improve our lives and make them better but instead many look to others lives as confirmation that their not where they want to be. Why? It may not be in Gods plan for you to have what they or even close to it. I know things may get rough but thats life. You’re here to do whats in your heart, not follow and constantly evaluate the life of another. So lets stop HATING and focus on what you are here to do. Whether it’s to be a Cardiologists, Nurse, Paralegal, Communications major, helping people in other countries or being a stay at home mother….focus on your life and what you are here to do. Period. If we do this, we will be happy with self and the way things are going for self and have no time worrying about others and the lives they lead.

Random thought

This cold weather makes you appreciate the roof over your head, the heat you have in your home, the blankets, bed, furniture, and hot water. There's so many people out there that don't have that and are just getting by the best way they can. My heart goes out to those who don't have much or anything at all and the people that everyday help those who can't help themselves. Many of us take these things for granted and feel we are "obligated" to have even the smallest things in life. Forgetting that at any moment they can be taken by house fire, water damage, burglary or lose of income. Everyday I wake up and thank God for any and everything/everybody I have in my life and pray for them for good health and to live their full longevity on this earth. Simply saying THANK YOU and showing your appreciation is all you need.

You. Me. She. Him.

You. Sucker for love. You appreciate any love coming in your direction and value the person giving. The face behind this is a beautiful individual. Caring, loving, respectful, loyal, hard working and honest. You love life. You’re all about family, friends, good laughs and fun. Who wouldn't? You have great people in your life who have your back and love you dearly. You have this motivation about life and know you’re destined for greatness no matter what or how long it may take. You have this same motivation with your relationships as well. You want someone who has the same drive as you and loves and appreciates you for who you are. Always making Saturday plans being that Sunday is game day no matter the sport. The greeting when seeing or leaving one another, the smile she has that lets you know it’s love, the taking to friends and the impromptu importance she shows you when you’re in need. You wanted someone like this your entire life and she’s finally yours...so did you actually find what you were looking for or do you want more?

Me. Logic over love. Warm hearted but zero tolerance for lies and bullshit, hardworking, cool with certain family members of his and watchful eye on certain friends. What? Just looking out for him and feel years have nothing on hate, lies, and being phony. I love him but will put love on hold for the wrong person and make it harder for the next person. Continuous cycle I guess. I can laugh and joke all day but feel those traits are brought out with certain people. Not everyone sees it. Have very few surrounding me and have always been that way. I feel the less drama the better. Hard to figure out at times, complex even but good to those who are good to me. My true friends see me as goofy and open while outsiders simply see me as cold. I make time for my relationship and always makes plans for us to do something fun. Is this controlling behavior or just a good girlfriend being...good?

She. Breath of fresh air. Everything you were looking for and more. Could see you having a life with her and a good one at that. The femininity she has with her emotions are too good to be true and not seen often by most women. She doesn't have many people around her but is loved by many. Kind hearted, open, she doesn't judge you and her feelings toward you are mutual. Good feeling. It’s like your home away from home kind of thing. When there’s no one left to talk to, she’s there. She loves and respects everyone in your life from the ones who take up most of your time to the ones you only see once a year. Thinks with her heart and knows no other way...so did you find her yet or are you still looking?

Him. The mans man. Work, God first then family. Awesome provider but sometimes does not stop to smell the roses. The weekend is his time because he feels he’s done enough Monday through Friday. But is that really enough? Very subtle when it comes to his emotions...is he upset, stressed, just thinking, being funny, being serious. Difficult to deal with at times but you guys always laugh it off and move on. He makes you feel good even with very little time spent. Foot rubs aren’t a problem, back rubs, bubble baths, and nice dinners. Communication is not key with this guy though. Work seems to always be at the top of the list then family then his man such and such. Can we talk about our life, our future, plan the next vacation maybe? You often have to question many of his motives for life in general and if you are even in the future plans...are your needs really met? Is this where you really belong?

What makes us constantly question ourselves when it comes to love and relationships? No matter how good things are going, there is always going to be that point we began to wonder: Is this person for me? Is He or She a better match for my future plans? Am I not good enough to spend quality time with? Why is work life so much more important than our love life? Instead of seeing what’s real and in plain sight, we ignore the important aspects and give too much attention to our negative thoughts. Instead of praying together, we complain to our single friends giving false accusations because we did not communicate to our partners about how we feel. Sometimes we are even taken to another place and usually with someone else (He or She) and imagine what we could have instead of appreciating or improving what we already have. It takes time but getting into a daily mental routine will eventually improve your thinking in a positive direction. At any moment I could have “Him” if I wanted or he could have “She” but will that really make things better? The grass is not always greener on the other side. Love yours.

Women and hygiene

I can not for the life of me understand why a woman would not want to take good care of herself?!? These are almost always the women walking around claiming they’re “bad” because of the attention the backside and thighs creates. I know people have their different living situations and it’s tough but you make it work. You can’t walk around talking about how “bad” you are with B.O. It’s not cute to dress to impress but smell terrible. Of course we all have our sweaty moments and moments where we don't feel like washing our hair or derriere...but only when staying in the house. Especially during the summer months!

Lets keep it real, a lot of women, even when grown, don’t even know when to change their tampons, pads and pantyliners. To keep it fresh, there’s all sorts of powders, vaginal washes, hot water, soap, cotton underwear in the world to keep it clean and fresh down there. I also see a lot of women who don’t believe in shaving their underarms but will wear a sleeveless top or go out partying? And my daily commute, I see this too often. The one thing that really kills me is when I’m talking to another woman and her hair stanks! Yes stanks. Especially when they walk by you and you get the wind after they walk by... Like it smells like dirty pillow cases and old grease or something. That belief that dirt makes the hair grow thing went out the window a long time ago and we should be washing our hair at least every 2 weeks with a perm and every week when natural to keep it conditioned. Who doesn’t like for their scalp/hair to feel clean and free?

Now the curling iron smell is one all women can relate to but that dirty hair smell is one of a kind and can create a headache. Whether your natural, permed, blonde or brunette, ladies, should keep it washed. A couple of other things that kills me is a past due weave and the rest of the hair being permed but seems they forgot the edges and back of the neck... You know when their hair is pulled up in a really cute bun and the neck is nappy as all hell and doesn’t look like they ever attempted to comb or brush it? Yes, I do not understand that but if it works for you, do you. The past due weave is something I don’t quite understand...at all. With a weave you have to plan ahead. If you know in a few weeks that when that weave needs to be replaced and you won’t have the money or at least half, don’t do it or just buy a wig or something until further notice or a $7 perm. It will save you money. I’ve always heard older women say “you can always tell when a woman has no man” or “what your hair smells like is what she smells like down there” and this is indeed true! Any man in his right mind that loves and cares about his woman, will not walk around with her looking pitiful or will tell her she needs a different feminine wash or something.

Now with the face being the first thing seen when looking at you, your lips are being looked at when communicating. Ash, dryness, chap, powdery-look whatever can be taken care of with chapstick, lip gloss or lipstick. Vaseline works well also. Like I stated in the beginning, nobody is perfect and will have their days but these things shouldn’t be an everyday occurrence when being a woman. Sorry to have offended anyone but needed to get that off my chest.

To better hygiene!

Bad management

You call out of work for whatever reason and your manager gives you b.s about them now not having enough coverage, how you’re going to be behind on work and all deadlines for the week will not be met. Never asking: “are you okay? Is your mom out of the hospital? How is little sammie doing with his cold/fever/flu?” Really? At that moment I could give not one but two shits about numbers needing to be made or work that will not be done if all if the above is going on!

We have all ran into that asshole manager or managers/GM’s or supervisors throughout the duration of our careers thus far. Trust there will be more. What is it about “titles” that make an individual act in an “assholish” way to the point where they are disliked, employees call out like it’s no tomorrow, they are on every job website possible in between meetings and barely do any work while there. I understand business is business but people are just people as well. I will have times where I will be late, sick/flu, kid issues or just lacking the energy to go to a job I dislike. Hey, we all go that route at least 5 days out the year whether you like your job or not. I personally feel that if it’s something you love to do for a living, no need to be rude, smile, be a good example, embody the companies expectations and your employees will do the same. Period. You took the position, play your part. If you did not, then maybe turning it down would have been your best bet. You give asshole, you get asshole. If many people were not afraid of losing their jobs due to bills, needing to eat or gas money etc, there would be millions of people out of work or really considering going into business for themselves no matter the cost.

What is it about companies that consistently give the wrong people positions that require more than what they are willing to give? They mostly just want the raise, vacation days, benefits such as health and dental, the authority to do whatever they want and sadly nothing at all. My job alone, managers sit in the office on a daily basis for hours at a time. They come out, throw around a few orders and sometimes even try to have convo with you as you’re doing the task without guidance but want things to be done by a certain time…? How about reaching out to me on a different level. Ask how the position is going, if I would like or consider moving somewhere more comfortable, ask me my strong and weak points and assist me with working on them and see if I’m just doing okay overall considering that will affect my performance.

Many managers believe they are smarter than you because of their role but in ALL actuality, YOU are the dumb one. Especially if you don’t have your own company/business. You have a career you don’t like working with peers that are in the same boat as you and your miserable. You then began to take this out on your employees, even the ones that bust their asses on a regular basis forcing them to look elsewhere taking their skills with them. The same ones they learned from you or the company in general but will now be more advanced and professional especially after working with you. They may even make more money than you without having to have your position or wait as long before getting there. Last but not least, word of mouth. There is always that person with that second job, the student or the parent that has grown children. Their children are probably looking for jobs but you tell them to avoid a specific company or maybe even career if it’s that bad. With all of the social media, there is always those people complaining about work, the environment, that manager that irks the last nerve by noon, how management operates and corporate not caring.

In conclusion, to all of the asshole managers out there that are condescending, ignorant to human issues, only see dollar signs and care about the well being of self and for their bank account I give you TWO MIDDLE FINGERS AND EVERY CURSE WORD IN THE ENGLISH DICTIONARY. You make good employees lives a living miserable hell at work and with the economy the way it is and people having a hard time finding a job period, you know to a certain extent that you can get away with it. This too shall pass and I hope that you have everything you deserve coming your way very soon. Many people can agree and we are just sitting back and waiting.

P.s may you not prosper and all of your employees quit without notice. (LOL)

My small bucket list

My “Bucket” List...thus far

• Travel around the world. So typical but it’s rare that many get to do this in their life.
• Sex on the beach with black sand. Lol I know, a bit much but it’s rare to see a beach with black sand. With my husband of course and while the sun sets.
• To play the piano fluently. The piano is my favorite instrument. Took a class in high school but didn’t last long enough.
• Learn another language. The language of choice is Italian. I want to speak and write it.
• Build my home from the ground up. I would love to say “I helped do this” on the entire home from the inside out. All modern amenities, walk in shower, marble floors and my own room to read, listen to music, tune out the world and collect my thoughts. Something to tell my children some day.
• To ride a motorcycle. I love bikes and cars but scared to death to ride one because of the terrible accidents I hear about. I want to stop girling, get on and just go. Ride all the way on the e-way with no destination. Purple and black to be exact.
• A road trip. Possibly to Los Angeles, stay for a week and drive back. A lot, yes but if with the right people, it will be worth it. Plenty of pictures, laughs, frequent stops, sightseeing, and fun.
• Learn to swim. I know, I know. I just have not ever been a water person and anything above my head is off limits. And I'm not very tall! But if I want to do this, I have to face my fear of this and go for it. Weird that I would do jet skiing but only because my body is not actually in the water the entire time.
• An awesome body at 60. Lol funny yes but recently seen so many pictures of older women with bodies better than chicks my age. Clearly we are doing something wrong. Overall just want to be healthy and it shows.
• Snowmobiling. I hate traveling in the snow for work but if I was on vaca or it was a snow day during the school year, I was out in the snow. So snow activities, if not too cold, is up my alley.
• Very big natural hair. Transitioned into natural almost 3 years ago and so far has been the longest process but better than perms. My ideal hair is very big sexy hair so that when I rod it up, it has a nice wave to it. Still getting used to the every week shampoo or co-wash, deep conditioner process but it’s well worth it. When I’m old and grey, I want to wear my hair like this also.

I’m pretty simple and it’s not much but would love to have the opportunity to do all or any of these at some point. Focusing on the negative and the just getting by mentality you miss the little things in life that make you or will either make you happy.  

Robin

Life without my mother, like my brother she was there first

Almost killed a nigga when I thought about that damn hearse

Like mama why yu playin hurt?

I thought that she was sleepin

Then I played her favorite song

3 minutes long

It ain't work

Feelin so hurt inside

This pain I feel can't be described

Please Someone look me in my eyes n tell me this is life

Imagine losing ya only child n ya wife

Shit ain't right

Prolly take back all the bad in ya life

For ya wife

N ya only child who's the main reason behind yo smile

We should really lift the dead up

Dey ain't the ones to be afraid of

It's the ones alive who betray us

Happens to everyone

Guess I gotta keep my head up 😔💔

This was something my lil cousin wrote about how he felt after his mother passed, my cousin. She left us Monday September 22, 2014. I will never forget my aunt crying on my voicemail letting me know what happened or reading the text my sister sent letting me know she passed. It was approximately 3 or 4 something that morning when it happened and I'm just glad she wasn't alone when she went. Of course my family did what any family would do, we gathered at her house that morning and reminisced about when they were younger and who she was as a person.  That was literally the longest car ride I had to take. My aunt is dear to me and seeing her cry so much made the day even worse. She is the tough aunty. The one that will get drunk and curse everybody out from the newborn to the grown with no problem. Lol. But she was always honest and true to how she felt about you. This is how you know theres nothing like pain and being hurt. It's crazy how family mostly only get together when things like this happen but it felt good to support one another.

Robin was definitely my aunt's child. Could be sweet as pie but would fight you in a heart beat. Lol. She was a breath of fresh air and when we didn't want to be home on the weekend and just wanted something to do, we would all go to her house and stay. She allowed us to stay up all hours of the night, always cooked, and let us eat whatever we wanted. A childs dream! She had a lot of pride. Did not walk out the house without her hair done, always had her nails done, wasn’t a make-up chick but was girly in her own right. Robin always a had a funny story to tell! Constantly making fun of my aunt and uncle, her sisters, my sisters and myself or her kids. If you needed anything and she had it, you had it. I remember her playing one of her favorite songs, Anything by Jaheim featuring Next over and over again lol. She would play the hell out of a song until you knew every word, verse, hook and bridge. Typical Aries, she spoke her mind and could care less about how anyone felt. Period.

She now has a new granddaughter that was born almost a month after her passing. She will never get to meet the person we all knew and loved or to be spoiled by her the way she spoiled her two eldest grands. I will never forget her laying there, gone, as we waited for her body to be taken. I literally sat by myself in her kitchen and watched as they brought her body down wrapped up as that was the last time I seen her physically. The most depressing part was my aunt staying in my cousins bedroom and watched from the window as they took her middle child away. That same day she was cremated. I will always and forever miss my cousin and yes it gets easier over-time but this is still the hard part. I guess she is the reason I have not wrote anything for awhile on here. My mind was consumed with other things.

R.I.P I love you.