Monday, January 25, 2016

Mommy Dearest

She felt I was too young for him and didn’t like me for whatever reason” - single mother with a sweet personality
“Honestly, I can’t put a finger on what the problem was with them” - cool college student with double major in Business
“Constantly minding our business” - married with 3 children & have been together since kids
“Her family wanted her to be someone within her race”- man working 2 jobs and taking care of home
“She felt I was too old for him” - single girl working 2 jobs
“She felt I wanted her husband even though I was with her son”

As a child, when you fell and got a boo boo or were teased by the little girl or boy that likes you at school that day, you would go home and tell a parent. Usually little girls their father and boys their mother. Into adulthood it’s the same scenario but just a tad different. There’s issues with work, a girlfriend or homey, roommate, or last but not least your relationship. You tend to gravitate towards your parents because they raised you, are older and wiser. Usually. But what happens when your the person of interest?
You do everything you should...be kind, considerate at cookouts, meet and greet the rest of the family and chit chat with the brother or sister(s) when you can. You know how to get in good graces to a certain extent since you feel you’ll be around for a little bit. That may even just be you as a person. Why not, right? With all of the scenarios listed above, you would think at some point that she would get the hint and just mind her damn business but oh no, she’s “mother” and “mother” knows best. If that’s the case, then how is it that these mothers are always single? Divorced a time or 2? And I realize they also lack on friendships outside of family. As a woman who has dealt with this twice and seen other woman go through it, that seems to always be the case.
So there’s my answer! They have nothing and no one else to rely on but their children and feel anything they go through and anyone they deal with, is always a concern of theirs. I personally feel if their child does not come to them or ask for help in any way with their relationships, it’s none of their concern. Let go and let the child live his/her life without butting in. I keep hearing that mothers want the “perfect” person for their child but my question is, if their dad was “so perfect” and they’re an expert on picking the perfect person for their children….why aren’t you with their father?? Or any man for that matter? Bye girl. Clearly they are the issue!

“I think there is someone out there that better suits you, that is not the girl for you”
“I don’t like her attitude”
“She’s too outspoken and strong-willed, you need someone more submissive”

The one thing that kills me is the gap wedged between a man’s mother and the mother of his child creating unnecessary tension and a child stuck in the middle. The child has no clue of what’s going on and loves each person unconditionally but eventually will see what’s going on. Nine times out of ten, his mother is most likely the problem. I know a lot of women who aren’t angels but don’t disrespect until disrespected, won’t show ignorance and will throw on their big girl panties and become single mothers before dealing with a man and his mother. It happens all the time and sometimes too often these days. It started with the same things listed above: they dated, she became a girlfriend, a child was brought into the picture and yet his mother still never respected the girlfriend, and he allowed it. Sometimes even if he doesn’t, mother knows best right. She feels she has the ability to be an accountant, therapist, chef, laundry attendant, housekeeper or dog walker. All just to be there and around to run a life besides her own.

When it comes to that mother and son relationship, that’s another level of bs that not even my enemy should deal with. Momma’s boy problems and they are quick to brush off that notion. Every woman at some point experiences this kind of man no matter the age or how long he hides it. If not, then you are very lucky and I give you a standing ovation! There are many mothers that feel that is the man in their life...weird, very. I understand he takes out the trash, helps her if she’s sick, clean the kitchen etc...you know the things he’s supposed to if he’s still living there in the house… Anyway, some of things I’ve dealt with. Date night turning into a selfish session of “woe is me” because someone made her mad or a grocery store run that’s all of a sudden a dire need. Speaking negatively about me to others to have everyone look at me like I’m the problem and she’s the victim. Supposedly I was disrespectful when I barely said anything to her for THAT reason alone or I had a nasty attitude. But hey what you give is what you get right? One thing I didn’t do was “bow down” to her. Yes you’re older than me and an adult...but so am I and if my own mother doesn’t speak to me or treat me a certain way, nobody else’s mother will. Period.
Back to what I was trying to say earlier. At some point you will begin to realize that your mother or even father is jeopardizing your relationships. Friends will then be the “go-to” which is not always a good thing because they are still in the learning process of life just like you. So what could you REALLY learn from them except maybe what not to do? Thus creating the circle of bullshit we deal with in relationships due to getting advice from people who can’t even fix their own problems. You need that wisdom from someone who has been there done that and can be real with you. Not necessarily telling you what you should be done. So with allll of that said, I wish everyone the best in situations like this going forward as it’s not an easy “problem” to have. Guess we have to be more careful to whom we become involved with and to whom we create bundles of joy!!