Green blues

I slowly realized this is the era for second jobs and low pay! You can be part time and get laid off! So many of us want to live this comfortable lifestyle that we can’t afford but always wanted to live. We show off on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter but the reality is nothing like what everyone sees. You get home everyday and Pray: for health, groceries, car payments or even bus fare. It’s a problem. People say alll day, well just save, get rid if what’s not important or ask for help. Welp, I hate asking people for anything and having to now owe them on top of everything else, it’s hard to save when you’re living paycheck to paycheck and can’t even save money for things you need and everything I have for the most part is important. Not memorable, materialistic things but things I need so getting rid of anything is out the question.

You go to sleep stressed, smear your makeup or stain your pillow, wake up relieved only to walk around the next day with the financial woes that follow. Trying to keep it in the back of your head but there is always something that needs to be paid for at some point during the month. People will always have something to say: at some point in life everyone goes through a financial hardship of some sort, this too shall pass or everything will work out for the better. Words of encouragement are awesome but that’s honestly the last thing I want to hear when I’m dealing with something so stressful. Thanks though. It’s hard knowing you can’t pull your weight with even simple things because money is already counted for. Christmas is cheap, birthdays are selfish and any other date that was once important in between is no longer relevant.

It’s hard out here and you’re blessed if you’re making $400 a week. Many jobs cut hours like you don’t have to rely on that paycheck to live and they will make you beg for hours for a job you probably had for years. You have to literally bust your ass and show them you want the hours for them to even give you 30 hours a week. I have a $60 phone! No Iphone, Galaxy nothing or the new such and such and I’m fine with that. Been there, done that and they all do the same thing. My goals are bigger than that at the moment. This is the generation of getting off work at 11pm from an 8 hour shift to be at the next job in the AM by 6 or 7 trying to keep up with bills and other people.

We just had Thanksgiving and I’m thankful for everything in my life right now. But it’s just ironic to me how you see people post on social media how thankful they are but are up 4am the next day shopping on Black Friday looking for more…? These same retail stores have the same deals ALL year long but we make a big deal about it on that specific day? Stupid. People don’t pay attention. I guess working in retail, I would know. Now if it’s a NEED, then okay but it’s mainly WANTS to show off for company when they come over or to brag about having this, that and the third. Another stupid action by my fellow peers and Americans. I honestly have not been out on Black Friday in 8 years, I’m good.

Hopefully everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving and “Black Friday”!! Lol

Same difference!

Bi-sexual, Tri-sexual, Transgender, Homosexual, Lesbian, Queer, Judy, Asexual or Dike. What do they all have in common….HUMAN BEINGS. Period.

I remember in high school sitting at the lunch table and always starting a conversation about something! There were six of us that went to middle school together and it was an even split of three who grew up in church and three who did not but believed in God. So, being me and random as usual, I asked a question many were not really concerned about around that time: “would you disown your child if he or she came to you and said they were gay or liked the same sex”? Of course the three who grew up in church responses were “yes, that’s not in the Bible”, “that’s not how I’m going to raise my children so that shouldn’t be the case” and my favorite “I would have nothing to do with my child or their partner”. Hmm. Now me having never going to church every Sunday as a child or grew up reading the Bible, I still felt something in me say that was completely wrong! Why would disown a human being that did not ask to be here?! Made entirely no sense. I understand what’s in the Bible and what Christians believe and I know it’s wrong to put myself above God’s word but I can not view my child in a negative way because of their sexual preference.

Not many people were “out” at that time but somehow you just knew who they were before “gay” became the norm at high school’s, work or having their own neighborhoods. I still stand my ground on my child regardless. People don’t realize how that hurts or makes a person feel for just being themselves and 9/10 they can’t help it. It’s just like certain foods you would prefer over others, it’s what makes you happy right? I see this too often with people not being able to be who they are and be comfortable. When I say this, I guess I mean with family first and then some friends. They’re blood but will make you feel more of an outsider than a stranger on the street! This is supposed to be your comfort zone where if you can’t be yourself around anyone else, they are to welcome you with open arms, heart and mind. I can understand many fathers being disappointed not having the “manly” or “typical” son they dream of. Playing sports, the talk about building a family, the first girl they kiss or being there to watch the first born knowing his son was responsible for this beautiful creation. It’s the same for moms watching their daughters grow up dating the same sex. There may not be the mani and pedi day, make-up, meeting the man of her dreams or teaching her how to walk in high heels. But life goes on and he/she should not be treated any different as love is unconditional. What love isn’t, is universal. There wouldn’t be many transgender or gays being killed or harmed in any way because of their sexual preference. Is it that serious? Grant it, I know many who often don’t understand that everybody is not to be pushed up on or even approached by someone who prefers the same sex. Just because you do, does not mean they prefer it. Be careful. That still should not anger someone to the point of doing bodily harm. That is still someone’s child, mother, son, daughter or father you are taking away forever.

I love every gay friend I have, male or female, or relative and judge not. I feel same sex should be legal everywhere and they should have the same privileges as heterosexuals. Especially since this way of living has been around for ages now and proves to be going nowhere anytime soon. If someone wants to get a sex change to look like Beyonce then so be it! All the straight women who get a plethora of  different surgeries done to up their self- esteem or impress a man with money, why can’t they do the same to feel good about themselves and show off? The booty shots and injections, lip injections, hip injections, higher cheek bones and smaller foreheads are getting out of control but it’s looked as eye candy and supposedly makes a woman look better being built a certain way. Really? But a gay man is shunned upon for being gay first and foremost, wearing make-up, heels and getting the same surgeries done? I didn’t know “surgery” was just for certain people? Smh. Whatever. It goes both ways. Women stop doing the same things these gay men and women do to look “good” and feel good, then people will stop talking about lop-sided booties and breasts. It’s the same difference. We are ALL human with our personal insecurities and desire things we have always wanted in life. Male or female.

Platonic or naw??

Platonic: of, relating to, or having a close relationship in which there is no romance or sex.

If you haven’t already, you will always run into this kind of friendship. Nothing more or less than what it really is. You know almost everything about this person so it’s like relationship in a way, just not in THAT way. They always seem to be the go - to when issues with your partner or other friendships aren’t going so well. This is the first person you think of when something is good or bad to tell them and maybe get advice. Simple, right? When it’s years, eventually, depending on how often you talk, someone catches feelings. The waiting begins. Of course you guys date people, in and out of relationships, catch up here and there on the “daily news” of life. This person never speaks on their feelings and wants nothing but happiness for you. But deep down, they want you and secretly wait for your relationships to sour so they can have you in the way they’ve always wanted. But what happens when it’s not mutual?

Case in point. I’ve known him since 10th grade in high school but didn’t began hanging out until a few years after graduating from high school. He was with someone at that point and I never paid him any mind. I always thought it was cool having a close guy friend and him not be gay! I didn’t think that it would make me come to the decision of falling back. Why? Well, throughout the years and now, I have not EVER looked at him like I wanted him and that we’re just friends. He has attempted plenty of times before so how could I call this person “friend”? That was stupid Dannie but I have to laugh at it. Simply because It then was not platonic and the whole time this person was on the fence of what they really wanted. I know how he is and was in relationships...with that said, I’m good buddy. I, like many others, don’t want to ruin a friendship by “trying” anything other than what we’ve already tried, friendship. Period. It seems as if many lay back and give advice whether good or bad and wait for your man to mess up to sweep in and get what they want. He just got out of a relationship and I’m not trying to be anybody’s rebound. I don’t even want a rebound for self! It’s possible for men and women to strictly be friends but you always have the one that messes up for everybody...this would be him.

What I’m really confused about is when I asked him why, his answer was, “why not”...that’s it? No sparks, moons, stars?? Lol. Clearly we don’t need to do that move buddy. My question is, why do people feel they need to rebound with someone else to get over an ex? I have not ever looked back on wanting to be with an ex boyfriend! The answer is simple, do you after breaking up and before actually moving on. That’s it. Have your “phone buddy” when you get bored and take it one step at a time. The more you date, video chat, email, text and go out with other people, it’s going to make you miss that feeling of being in a secure relationship where you could do all of the above, with one person. Then you get nostalgic and miss/want what you had, your comfort zone. Whether this person was good for you or not, you then began to think of ways you two could figure out a better way of doing everything that went wrong. Who wants to got through all of that!!? I would rather wish them well, stay single-single, date when I’m completely ready and do the relationship thing when God wants me too. In between, when you stay busy and focus on bettering you mentally, spiritually and financially, your good. You won’t have time for the bullshit that comes along with these men. It’s actually a good feeling, freeing. So until next time, stop rebounding and looking for the “next best thing”, you lost it. Except it and move on.

My problem with those who receive Low Income Housing

I know many people in the city of Philadelphia alone who are on Low Income Housing (Section 8) and Welfare. It’s nothing wrong with getting the help needed to live because life can be very hard and harder on others. I don’t like the fact that many, especially women, abuse the system, take more than what they really need and leave nothing left for those who actually need the help with food and financial. On my way to work in the morning, I see the same things in my area. Women who drop their kids off to daycare or preschool and go back home to sleep and do nothing else. How do I know you may ask? Well if they had anything else to do, you would have on a uniform or work clothes of some kind instead of sweat pants, adidas flip flops and scarf on their heads. Of course with the exception of those who work at night and are single parents. What also kills me are the “drop off chicks”. Everybody knows at least one that drop their kids off to their parents or grand-parents and spend too much money on weave, shoes, makeup and nails but don’t have job the first. Welfare works wonders.

Anywho, the real reason I’m writing this blog post, the housing situation. It pisses me off to see or walk past Low Income Housing areas and to see it look like shit! Excuse the cussing but if you really needed the help with housing, you would figure people would act as such, right? They destroy the housing that’s provided and forget it can also be taken away. Or can it? I’m guessing not. Knowing someone that works for subsidized housing, they just go in, fix it up and make it nice, neat and clean for the next person to tear it up and move out. Same cycle. People don’t think nor do they care. Most of these houses or apartments are city owned and are just provided for women with kids and low income. Therefore, if you know you can not afford anywhere else to go/live and the city of whoever is willing to help...treat the housing as if you give a damn. I’ve been in a few to visit. The carpet is atrocious, front door is always open when the weather permits, kids running around everywhere and in and out the house, young men and women sit outside all day in the front smoking marijuana, trash is everywhere but in the can, more drinking, bodega and chinese spots than anything else in the area and loud mouth talking is the norm. Hey it could be worse and some places are but some are actually not that bad. Crazy because when gentrification occurs, they are upset now having to move in areas that are way worse than where they were or are put on a waiting list. Now crowding the local shelters. Not thinking that gentrification happens when the area gets too bad, homes and apartments are beyond run down with roaches and filth and the crime rate is out of control. After that, it’s a trickle down effect. From the homes it goes to the neighborhood rec centers, libraries and then business’.

These people are then forced to leave losing what they worked hard for and no longer being able to pay the rent that has now increased. It’s sad because the business has usually been at that location for years and the owner expected to stay longer. There are now WaWa’s, expansion of colleges/universities, 711’s, laundromats and newer homes that take over damn near leaving most people with low income homeless. All it takes is to think. If they would appreciate and take care of where they live, 8 times out of 10, gentrification would not happen because of triflin tenants. Many don’t foreshadow before making a decision or are even willing to save when having to work part-time to make their situation better. Most of the bills they have are already getting taken care of so what’s left could be in a savings account. Instead money is spent on frivolous things trying to show off what you don’t have on a daily basis. How are you competing with anyone in your neighborhood or building when everyone is in the same boat and situation? If they knew better, they would do better I guess.

People need to at least think of the children involved and wonder how their lives would turn out if they don’t leave  the projects or bad areas for low income to lead a better life and example for them. Staying stuck there creates more crime, poverty and all around bad decisions thus making the city gentrify for better. People don’t realize when they go to certain areas and it’s a mess and uncomfortable, usually PEOPLE living there are the creators of the madness. I know the city has their own rules and regulations but it’s not that bad to the point of wanting to destroy it and that’s where you lay your head. It creates tension and makes it harder for those who really need the help to receive it. Think.

Grandmother

Growing up, the first person most people encounter is their mother. They hold you, wipe your tears, knows about your first crush, and tells you everything is going to be okay. They are the first to be honest and can pick up on a bad boyfriend or girlfriend. The good mothers, can’t live without them. But then you have Grandmother. The best thing outside of a mother you can have in your life and anybody’s whose Grandmother is still living, is blessed. They spoil you and are beyond generous if you have children! The one thing I love the most is their wisdom. I love sitting and talking with a woman that has been on this earth longer than I have and can tell me my rights and wrongs especially when I feel or think everything is good.

They check you. Whether they're into church, drinking coffee on the porch in the morning retired, watching what goes on around the neighborhood or in the house crocheting, they will stop what they are doing to tell it like it is. They always have something to say that will make you think and help you grow. I have learned a lot over the years listening in on “grown people” conversations (yes being nosey, lol). About the dramas of relationships, friendships, family, how to tell when someone is not real with you, spotting jealousy in a female “friend”, when you’re being used and how to leave a bad situation. The first thing I learned about that was spotting the issue and then separating yourself emotionally.

Anyway, I love how I’m put in my place about “having it bad” and them telling me stories about how they grew up and what they had to endure. Definitely different from today and I love hearing about it. Different tips on what to put in my hair that I already have at home, the men from back in the day and they haven’t changed much(lol) or the pictures I see with the Vintage clothing we buy and wear now from boutiques. Nothing was short, boobs were not out, bikinis were high wasted to cover the stomach, heels were high but classy and hair was swooped, feathered, finger waved, or with a loose curl but always pretty. They are the voice of reason for the women who have sorry fathers, baby fathers, mothers and children. I know sooo many women who are grandmothers raising their child's children and still keep a smile on their faces knowing the child is out of harm's way and a bad situation. That goes to show when our parents are out of the picture or are down and out in some way, grandmothers step in and nurture any situation back to where it needs to be.

I feel that the way people are now, is because of grand-mom, mom mom or momma. When a man is raised with some sense and does the right thing by his woman and family, his grand -mother was around, when a woman treats herself with respect and men respect her, mom mom was there and taught her how to carry herself and when our parents stay together through thick and thin, teach good values and are there for their children, momma was in somebody’s ear and had something to do with it. So besides just respecting our parents and paying homage to them when we do well in life, there was someone there before our parents and with our parents teaching them how to live life. It was just passed down to us.

Food is never at a minimum and the first thing you go for is the stove or fridge to see what she cooked. Every birthday party, holiday, and any day in general is spent at her house when you want good conversation and laughs. Takes your mind off whatever is bothering you to learn something. The one thing I will always take with me is her saying: “That man (God) sits high and looks low. Watch how you treat people and know that God knows everything in your heart FIRST before acting out in the physical. Every dog has its day! People do things and tell others they felt bad or apologize for something but aren’t genuine about it. Their mouths say one thing but their heart said something else when it happened, that’s what he pays close attention to.” Now if that doesn’t make you act right, I don’t know what will!! With her not being my biological grandmother, she’s the closest thing to it at this point. I’ve been around her for about 3 years and she has gone out of her way on several different occasions to make sure I was okay. That’s why I do the same for her. Not too many do that especially when they aren’t blood. I love her as if she was my own and always will!

She was talking about something as usual! lol

Date Night

It starts with a text or phone call. Dinner, movies, comedy show, bong fire on the beach with your favorite alcoholic beverage as good music plays in the background. The weather permits it. It could be an all day thing with boo, babe, or whatever cute name to spend QT. Either way, it’s always has a good ending at the end of the night. Especially if its done right. He has to be genuine, loving, willing and anxious. And in that order. Without thinking twice, he has you on his mind when he wants to do something special for his lady. Genuine. Two hours before going out, you began to get ready. Picking the outfit, right makeup, lipstick, lotion if legs will be out, perfume, and of course shoes. Something sexy but comfortable. At dinner, he's attentive. Flirting with you and he already has you. Complimenting you on the smell of choice, how your eye shadow matches perfectly with your skin tone, your smile, the way your back is arched in the heels you carefully picked and of the course the dress that gets attention. Loving. Good conversation, laughs, reminiscing, future plans and work are the topics. You sip your wine and him his cocktail. Gazing into his eyes, you have one question: Why me? How handsome he looks in his suit and you’re thinking about the aftermath of reaching home to the setup you prepared. More wine, massage oil, candles, white rose petals leading from the front door to the bedroom, bathroom, on the bed and the waterfall waiting between your legs that's ready to fall. She's been marinating for him. Your one and only who can do what he does to create the flow. Only thing on your mind is tearing his ass up when yall get home! His lips in all the right and wrong places, his strong hands giving you a tingle when he caresses the top of your booty and gently pulls your hair. He's thinking the same. Of course, he's a man. The sexy walk you have in heels and the sway your body creates. No panty lines so either you have g-string or none at all. The less, the better. The way your skin feels when it touches his and knowing what to do with your hands and when. You know how to please him and make him feel good. You get pleasure out of it. Willing. Closing out the night, it seems forever getting back to the car. You say your hellos and goodbyes to people you may know briefly. You then began going over the music you may dance too in the heels a couple of inches taller than what you have on. Should they be black, nude, red or straight stripper? Decisions, decisions. You already laid out the lace cut-out everywhere snap on the shoulders one piece from Fredericks of Hollywood on the bed. Very sexy might I add and he will love it. High French cut on Miss Miss, g-string that exaggerates the curve of the booty and see through to get him harder than a brick. Two candles in the bedroom that gives the right amount of lighting and the relaxing mango smell that lingers in the air that takes your mind off where you actually are at the moment. Chair in the middle of the floor for ample room to dance around and grind when necessary. The last thing you will do to conclude the night before...you know. The new bubble bath you just purchased from The Body Shop smells of melon and cucumber. Your plan after the massage you have planned in another bedroom for even more relaxation and a better turn on. While giving him his massage, the water will run to get things ready for you guys to soak and sip. This is where he will remain for a few until you change and set the music for your dance. You’re comfortable in your skin and he brings that out of you. Him knowing you have something up your sleeve on the way home makes him horney. He remembers the last time at the random but beautiful hotel, after a day at the beach with friends, with the martini glass jacuzzi and city night-life view from the 15th floor. Those were the only lights used that night. Anxious. Being the gentlemen he is, he opens your door while holding your hand and escorts you in the home you two share. Pretty sure you know the ending;)

*California Dreaming*

Just existing and doing for others and not self at some point is the life of many. They have sick parents, grandparents, children, or too afraid to try something different. Outside the norm even. You figure where your family is, is where your supposed to be because it’s home. Well home can be anywhere your heart desires honestly. So with that said, I’m California dreaming!

Yes, it seems typical but I’m not going to be an actress, singer, or whatever, just something different and having family out there is also not a bad thing. My aunt has been out there since the 80’s so I’m quite sure anything I need to know, she has all the info. I ran into a girlfriend of mine awhile back and she felt the same way. It’s crazy because we’re both broken up, want something different and where the the weather isn’t bad and both applying for management roles at our jobs where we can transfer...why not? We have no major responsibilities and can go wherever we want, whenever. At least this is a start. A friend of mine asked “why all the way over there?” or “what is out there that you can’t get here?” I don’t know but I’m willing to find out at this point, Philadelphia is a drag and I need new scenery...asap. I will miss my family and friends but hopeful about my future there and people I will meet along the way. Starting over and it’s going to feel good! The best part about it is I love the beach! And if you know anything about California, beaches are never at a minimum. So where we shall live…

So my cousin says LA because that’s where she is so it’s an option so I can be closer to them. We have many options though such as Long Beach, Redondo Beach, LA, Torrance, San Diego, San Francisco and Culver city...hmmm decisions, decisions. Cali is super expensive! So it would be something within our budget but God has not put us this far to just leave us high and dry so I’m quite sure we will find something nice and affordable (Lord willing lol). We have been meeting up and looking, comparing notes, thinking about the drive...yes, driving smh (40 hours!), shipping our belongings, buying furniture once we get there, hopefully a near by dog park for the pup and access to a train for work due to the crazy traffic they have there. Whew! It’s a lot but we are getting there. I found a website that has cheap moving for belongings but have to look further into it to make sure it’s legit. If not, UPS it is and I’m willing to put out the money for whats mine.

The weather is amazing year round! I hate the winter so why deal with it? I dread it every time it comes close to October. Thinking about the snow, ice, and freezing rain. In the cities listed above, the annual temperatures are between 46* and 88*...not bad. Of course they’ve had their colder weather in the past reaching 30* and hotter weather reaching 100* but that’s normal for Philadelphia in the winter during the day or colder. No biggie. I Am more nervous about brush fires, earthquakes, tornadoes (maybe) and mudslides I’ve heard about. From people I’ve talked to here, I’ve heard “well what about the crime and all the bad things that happen there?” Well what about the crime that happens everywhere in every city and country around the world? It’s going to happen regardless of where you live! You get over it and continue to live life, period. I feel that’s one of the excuses of many. Worried about all the wrong things and not what’s going to be good about the situation. Time for me to live and not just exist. Do what I want and live where I want without thinking things will go awry. Just prayer (asking for guidance, strength), support from family and friends and confidence will get me through. Anyway I’m staying positive and keeping God first throughout all of this. When we leave and on the road, I will post pictures of our journey there and even after;) Hopefully you will enjoy them and feel free to comment! Until then, to more writing!!

Dannie

Daydreaming...

You wake up in the morning to get ready for work. A little yawn, stretch and patter on the face to get yourself going. It’s dawn and the sun is peeking through clouds colored in light orange, blues and grey. The city skyline right below. You feel good, thankful. Funny because you’ve never been a morning person! Your home is beautiful and shows the success story you have created for yourself, family and bank account. Floor to ceiling windows, long flowy drapes that accent the color and decor, nicely finished wood flooring, marble this, stone that and about 3,200 square feet of what you worked to the bone for. You remember having your “stagnant” period in life. Where you felt at a stand still, nothing was going your way, and often wondered what God was up to for you and your life. There is his and hers in the garage and every little gadget your heart desires because you’ve earned it. Every now and then you think back to working for people you didn’t like or that didn’t like you, jobs that didn’t pay well and living pay-check to pay-check just to get by. Barely having money for gas, the bus, transit running when it wanted and people being funny with their vehicles. Hey, they had a right to I guess. You think on being around the corner from the papi store, chinese or hoagie spot and could get a water ice from the truck when he came around. Hearing Mr. Softee a block away and boys riding dirt bikes to have something to do or show off.

Snapping out of it to let your dogs outside to use the bathroom before you shower and you remember your first apartment. It had a back yard but was shared between your building and the next one over. Barely any privacy when wanting to get some air but it was what it was and you dealt with it. You didn’t have a dog at the time but wanted one. When you finally got one, he still didn’t have a backyard but he was taken on long walks and to parks to get air and play. Now you have all the space in the world for them to run around all day if they wanted. The roommate you shared a space with was the “you don’t know somebody until you live with them” kind of thing. Triflin. She had a problem with amnesia and instead of paying rent on time, she would rather go on shopping trips with a dude that would lay up in our apartment all day while we work? All a memory now.

The times when you worked 2 jobs are in the past. Getting home between 11 & 11:30 pm and have to get right back up at 6am to do the second job and repeat. Not to mention doing so while I was a student! Tiring. Now, you have one job and trips and vacations are the norm throughout the year. You feel you don’t work because it’s something you LOVE and it comes natural and easy to you. Getting up in the morning is so peaceful and you’re actually more relaxed than you’ve ever been. Unless you stayed up toooo late but who hasn’t done that.

You have a great support system behind you starting with the snoring body still in bed. Hey at least somebody is getting some sleep. He’s been there for you even when you were down and still figuring things out. Even times when you couldn’t buy dinner for the two of you to eat that night. Times were rough, frustrating and hard but he never gave up on you knowing you were trying and doing your best to make ends meet. He got frustrated pulling the weight but understood how you felt dealing with it all as he’s had financial struggles of his own and barely getting by. He’s the absolute best man to have!! You began getting teary eyed thinking about it. He could have left and been with someone who was well off and wasn’t struggling or left you high and dry without a care in the world about your well being. He stayed and if you struggled, yall struggled together and made things happen. That’s love and loyalty. So of course on your wedding day, you cried like a baby and was just grateful for this person God has blessed you with and will continue too. He’s now successful in his own right and no matter what makes you a priority. Vice versa. Even his momma has to wait her turn for time on occasion lol but she respects and understands the bond you two have. Boundaries are never crossed.

You then realize what time it is! After you’ve let the dogs in, gave them food and water, had your coffee or tea, showered and kissed your man until later on, on the sleepy lips...time to start the day!

To prosperity, love and dreams coming true.

Generation Nigga

Scenario: The woman takes her time. Goes about things the old fashioned way: phone conversations until 2am, dinner here, lunch date there and a walk or two with your favorite tea or coffee when the weather allows it. No sex, kissing, fondling or spooning. Guy has yet to see her house and she refuses to go to his until she’s ready. They like one another and could see things going further. Then out the blue things change. He begins to call less and her woman's intuition kicks in.

Typical situation for my generation and the ones behind me. Of course it’s way worse than this but I can keep it light for now. The boys today, yes boys, do no chasing, no letting her know how he feels, no flowers, hand holding, cute goodmorning texts or random calls throughout the day to let her know you’re thinking of her. They do none of what makes a woman feel like their woman or half ass it and at some point, it stops. Instead it’s send me a pic, him sending dick pics or chest pics, calls after 10pm to be there at 11:30pm, “chillen” is and has always been the “thing” to do and there is always a friend of his floating around anytime you get together. What are we in high school? They have a tendency to think that because they come over to chill or vice versa, that they were getting some…? I don’t know who told you buddy but you played yourself lol.

They don’t want to look “nutty” by doing things that makes their lady happy. Too worried about what friends would say about the new and hopefully improved them. A woman can do that to you, so why not allow it and try something different? Changing your style, attitude towards certain things, be there for your kids, support family if they haven’t before and just becoming a better man. I still see this, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not how our uncles, grandfathers and fathers were. Is it because the woman’s morals have changed? Have the men gotten worse with disrespect and “wife” the women they feel are real women when they aren’t? Are women just sick of being mistreated, taken for granted, ignored and not made a priority and decide to play like the men? Once a good girl had gone bad, it’s hard to get her back once she becomes accustomed to this. Men fail to realize, you treat her like a queen, she will treat you like a king, period. So if you come home and dinner isn’t cooked for the house but she’s eating chinese food, bed not made but she’s cozy on the couch or was close with your family at some point but suddenly barely goes around anymore to prevent the relationship and family trip conversations. That means she basically has reached that point of no return. Even small things such as conversation about her day or yours, taking longer to clean the house, stops buying what you need and worries about self and is clearly emotionally withdrawn….it’s a problem.

Sorry to have offend any dude reading but when I said boys, I don’t just mean you having a full time job, facial hair, kids, your own place and a car. Those things do not make you a man! And I constantly see this all the time. These dudes disrespect the mother of their children and too often in front of the child setting an example and creating a cycle of future abuse and disrespect. Both physical, verbal, and mental. The word Bitch gets thrown around like it’s appropriate for every female to be disrespected either because she doesn’t want to talk to you, give her number, dismisses the idea of sex with you without commitment or even knowing you. She’s a whore because you know her number of sex partners but it’s okay for you to sleep with a woman that lives on every corner or different sections of the city throughout the week? Many of these “men” allow good women to become single after years of dragging her along. Courting stops and they become comfortable, you can’t compete with a strong women so you feel yelling and hollering is the proper way of communicating, excuses for time, and often boast to hide the truth. Playing games to get your way and picking irrelevant arguments when your woman approaches you about being in the wrong.

But with all that said, what do men do? They lie about their feelings to protect yours instead of having a grown and mature conversation about where things are. They make you feel like there is someone better when it should never be a comparison or competition between you and another woman, that statement should never touch his lips if he loves and cares about you in any way! When they see things are beginning to go awry in the relationship, they began having other outlets to prevent from being alone after it’s over. Not realizing it’s pulling their time away from you, loyalty is lost and anybody having too much private time away from their partner is never a good thing. A lot of them act as if they have a masters in Psychology as they tend to use reverse often. You have a sit down with them about a wrong or feeling or whatever and they either go tick for tack or use the exact same scenario against you in a negative way when it wasn’t meant to come off that way.Thus making you feel worse than you did before the conversation, but why? They have an off switch and take heed when they want to, not because it’s beneficial to the relationship. I feel the problem is a lot of these “men” are raised by women. Mothers have a tendency to baby their sons. Grant it, he is the only man in their life besides a husband or significant other. Not always a bad thing but many men I run into have attitudes of girls I wouldn’t even hang out with. Some actually step up and become the man of the household and carry it with them into adulthood but no luck for the rest. A woman can not raise a man, only a man can do that. Think this is why I’m good on the children at this point…

Ladies just keep in mind that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before getting your prince;) Have patience!

To healthier and happier relationships soon enough and praying for longevity for those who found love!!

Something to remember

I was on google plus awhile back. I like to read the quotes and keep up on what’s going on in other places. The one thing I love the most is reading the “words of wisdom” that I probably have not heard before. Yes I have aunts, uncles and older cousins but sometimes certain aspects of life or different ways of seeing things are not broken down by the people you see on a daily. I found this, loved it and actually learning to live by these things. I feel it’s mistakes that people make everyday without notice or see it and don’t want to change.

*You’re in charge of your own happiness. Let me repeat that again: you’re in charge of your own happiness. Do not put happiness in someone else, do not put your happiness in something else, and do not feel the need to search for happiness out there when it’s right here inside of you.

*You will make friends and you will lose friends, and then there will be some friends that will latch onto you and wither your soul. Toxic relationships are bad, for you and for the other person. Leave. Drop the friendship and go. Do not feel guilty that you cannot please them, do not feel like you are too weak to handle them, and please do not look back and regret what you did- if anything, regret that you did not end things sooner. 

*Do not ever feel the need to tell someone things about yourself if you don’t want to, even if they start to guilt you. Do not ever feel hurt knowing there are people out there that know your deepest secrets but are no longer in your life, simply be more cautious the next time.

*Do not look back and say “I wish I had told you how I really felt”. Do it. Tell everyone your true and unabashed feelings, tell them how much you appreciate their existence or even tell them how they’ve hurt you. Learn to communicate your feelings, even if they are not returned to you with the same force.

*If you can see the type of person you want to be, do not delay in becoming that. If you want to be the girl that wears skirts even though you’ve worn pants your whole life or the girl that speaks up against what is wrong even though your whole life you’ve been quiet and let things pass by, do not be afraid to break out of the shell you have created for yourself.

*Be optimistic. It might be hard when you’re surrounded by pessimistic people all day and when life seems to unraveling before your eyes, but have a little hope. Know that things do get better. know that you will be fine. Don’t listen to that voice that makes you start to doubt yourself, you will make it to better days.

*You’re going to have some really high expectations in life, and people are constantly going to fall short of it and let you down. But just because someone isn’t perfect in the way you want them to be, doesn’t mean they aren’t great in their own manner.

*There isn’t a movie ending to real life events. Sometimes you won’t get closure, sometimes things won’t get resolved, and sometimes you won’t get to control how things play out or even how you’re left feeling in the end. But you’ve got to learn to just let things go and keep moving forward. You’ve got a whole new adventure waiting out there for you, and things are going to work out, one way or the other.

There you have it, hopefully this changes someone’s perspective on their life. To better thinking and living!

To reproduce or not to reproduce...

I’m quite sure I’m not the only female without children who constantly gets that famous question, “when are you having children?” ...Why? Are you planning on helping me take care of him/her?? It’s annoying but I guess I understand where they are coming from. I’m 28 years OLD, the clock is ticking...matter of fact, I don’t know where they are coming from! I’m 28, no kids, not married, and if it’s in Gods hands for me to have children, it will be done when he wants it to be done. Period. No rush and I want to be some kind of careful with whom I give this gift too. Leave it alone. I want to travel or at least live in another city or two and just enjoy life without having a major responsibility outside of bills. Kids hold people back for years from doing what they want to do. I like having the chance to go and do whatever I want without looking or begging for a babysitter. I like my alone and personal time whenever I want. I understand they bring about a great level of joy, happiness and a great deal of being more grateful for what you have. I’m just not at that point in my life. I’m definitely not taking a jab at the women my age who do have children, it’s just I see too many women my age who are single mothers that bothers me.

I honestly see a lot of women who actually don’t need kids and I feel bad for the child involved. Even worst is, that is all that child knows by seeing the behavior that is displayed around them. Smoking with their parents and posting bags of weed on Social Networks at 15, parents disrespect outside the home so the kids then bring it inside the home back to the parent, not conducting themselves in a mature way outside the home (all the fighting videos on Youtube) or not finishing high school and be okay with it. Too much! Around my neighborhood it’s not too bad but was walking my dog one beautiful afternoon and seen this girl twerking in front of this baby boy...like hard too! Girl, that is not cute what so ever and they get mad when these boys bring home the women that’s out of pocket, ghetto, ratchet or whatever else. They then grow up to believe that’s a “woman” and how she is supposed to conduct herself. I don’t get it but okay.

For me, It’s too much of a responsibility I’m not ready for nor have the patience for honestly. I’m also scared of running into someone who is an unfit father figure. You know the guy who pops up out of nowhere when not expecting it and seems like the man of your dreams, whatever that may be, does everything right but wands up fucking you over with bullshit you tried to stay away from...I’m good. I want to be a great mom and be able to give my child everything they want and need without me having to utter the words, “Can I”, “Can you help me with”, or “Are you able to” with nobody at any given time. I don’t want to work 2 and 3 jobs to make sure we are good because the father of my child wants to be a pure dickhead! That’s not the life I want. I see too many of my fellow peers going through it God willing and pushing on as if the world is not on their shoulders. I’m quite sure I will be the same way when up against a wall, but why bother to be? That’s why I would rather take my time and be married first. My wife and kids sounds so much and feels so much better than my baby-mom and kids. There are so many good men out here whom get over-looked because yes, we women, have a certain type we like and it’s not always going to be the tech geek, guy who became a surgeon after high school, the business man or the real estate tycoon. They don’t live in the areas where a lot of women I know, including myself, come from. So what’s left is the around the way “nigga”, hustlers, guy pursuing the “rap” career, the semi good guy with the throwed off ex- girl who won’t leave him alone, or the guy who has a good 8 to 5 job with benefits and health insurance that feels he’s doing better than anybody in the neighborhood...but still live there...to show off I guess?...yeah. Cornball. Anyway, of course somewhere in the mix is the guy looking to get out and working on it but women don’t want that. Why? Who knows, stupidity I guess and I was one of them lol! Sad to admit but I’m older now and a lot wiser. Women want someone already established and get everything they want from him they can’t get for themselves. Anyway, I guess it’s up to God and he brings people in your life for a reason and season sometimes, I’m just saying I don’t the pop up baby father in conclusion. I know some awesome women and wish them nothing but the best in their journeys to raising their children. In the mean time...

To someday having a great sperm donor! This picture is so idyllic!!

I remember way back when...

(Singing) “Back in the day when I was young I’m not a kid anymore but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again”- Ahmad - Back in the day

Wow!! So how about the two phones to the left?! I only had the one in the middle and the one on the right. Was an 80’s baby so that phone to the far left was before me! My bad old heads lol. But I remember playing snake on the middle phone and the noise the buttons would make while dialing out! Annoying but as long as I can keep in touch with somebody is all my mom cared about. Minute phones were the worst so a 10 minute maximum was required or that bad boy would cut right off on you. Technology was never as important as it is now. People have to have the Iphones and Samsungs and just simply fit in with everybody else. I personally like Blackberry but call me old school, that’s fine;) Selfies and Social Media is the everyday norm and if you don’t have either one of those accounts (Instagram, facebook, twitter, snapchat), people frown at you like, why? I’m sorry but there is more to life than living behind a phone, tablet or computer! Unless I’m writing of course. Our day by day in the summer or after school was Double Dutch or Rope, Hop-Scotch, Board Games (Monopoly), Barbie or some type of Figurine, Nintendo or Sega. Water gun or balloon fights, tag, knock knock zoom zoom (the neighbors hated us for this). Not everybody did this but we stayed busy. We ripped and ran up and down the block but never the “streets” until we were of age, like 16 at least. That’s no better but now they start at 12 but I guess the parents just keep getting younger and younger so theres your answer. I grew up around “old school” type of adults. When grown folks are talking, drinking, smoking...you go on about your business and don’t dare sit in their face unless you want to get popped. Don’t run your mouth about what goes on in the household, you get off the phone at a certain at a certain age, you stay upstairs when grown people are downstairs unless told to come down and/or when the street lights came on, you come in or when your name is yelled. You speak to everybody when they either walk in your house or vice versa, you were a child and they did not have to break their neck to speak to you first. Anyway, we didn’t gossip about such and such Brazilian weave (we still had box braids and barrettes and ballies), kids, lifestyle or worried about what people thought when you walked out the door. Mainly because our parents or older sibling dressed us.

Cartoons and the newest Disney movies kept us up at night and even past our bedtimes. It got us up in the morning also while eating breakfast and getting ready for school. My favorite was Beauty and the Beast, The Land Before Time (oldie) and Pocahontas. There were many more but you get the point. Having a day at the pool and a cookout with family and friends was pure fun! Not worried about how your body looks at 11 years old and it was a family environment. Nobody twerking and being put on Youtube and posting everyday life occurrences on Social Media to prove you have a life….we get it. Some things should be for your man’s eyes and remain personal for family only. I would listen to Q 102...yes I listen to anything appealing to the ear and power 99. I hate the radio now but it changes with the times so I’m used to it at this point.

I remember going to my cousin’s houses (Germantown, West or Southwest) in the summers because I hated Norristown!! And still do! Did anything to leave for the weekends. Anyway, but we would always find something to do and always found other girls to hang out with around the way. Of course the catty girly things would happen and we would get mad for a second but nothing too crazy. Nobody was worried about weed, $700 weave, or boys for the most part. They all got pregnant before me but we were old enough when they started having kids. We would have pizza nights and stay up watching scary movies or music videos when they became popular on Pop up Video, Bet or Mtv. I would be scared to death staying in Germantown because my cousins dad had a million big ass dogs! They would rarely come in the house though, just being a punk I guess. When not around each other, we would be on the phone for hours talking about nothing important but just to keep in touch with one another. We would always make up dances (we loved to dance, especially reggae) and just laugh at the smallest things. I still do honestly (lol), just goofy like that sometimes.

Your very first relationship, kiss, sex, or bff was special. Awkward lol but special because nobody knew what they were doing unless he/she was older than you. No pressure was put on me by friends or the guy and I always did what I wanted when I wanted anyway so he respected that. Yall would sit and talk on the steps or phone for hours, mainly because he was not allowed inside so you had no choice. Momma/Poppa/grandma did not play that! Saying I love you for the first time actually meant something even if you didn’t know what love was. Just the feeling alone was good and comforting and yet very simple. Courting lasted a lot longer and you guys liked one another and that’s all that mattered. The bff was most likely just like you in a lot of ways and honestly this is the type of person you will not ever run into again. Over the years either you change or they change but you always say to yourself, “I miss that person and how were as friends. What happened?”

Things were just simple and to the point. If only we could go back and relive certain time periods…

Dannie.

The Nerve

Real quick, Ladies, maybe it’s me but have you noticed that a man’s expectations for us are different from what ours are for them? I know typical but I can’t with the comments they make about women like they walked out the door looking like they are ready for the Mercedes Benz fashion show in New York or they come to bed built like Tyson Beckford! Im confused. They have too many complaints for my liking. It’s either:

-whats up with your feet? (yours could use a pedicure or lift but okay)

-I like your complexion but being lighter or darker would have been better (talk to God about that one)

-I don’t like make-up (well I do)

-wearing bonnets/scarves to bed (Nigga I have to work in the A.M)

-certain colors on nails or toes (If I like it, let me be)

-the way we are built (Booty too flat, too skinny...whatever)

-the downplay of my natural sistas (everybody does not care for weave, heat, or perms..get over it)

-Her style of dress is not what every other female is wearing (I Am my own person and wear what I want, when I want and how)

I don’t understand it. Clearly that just shows her priorities are on what’s important and not the nonsense that isn’t because that’s what everyone else is doing. She just marches to the beat of a different drum. Anyway, lets go in for a minute on these men that always have something to say. The same dude looking at a female for how she is built almost always has that boney Wiz Khalifa body or fat albert, bone crusher type dude and package may be small. Yes, we still care about that fellas and since you can’t help how you’re built down there, shut up. How about the guys with the weird shaped heads….sometimes flat in the back, jacked up hairline, lumps all over the place or that unexplainable knot in the back of your head? That’s not cute buddy. How about rap and hip hop are not the only genres of music and love and respect being more important than fashion, how many different chicks you can get or how much money you have in the bank. A lot of men don’t wear what looks right on them or fits them properly but quick to put a female in her place about it. We pay attention to the way you guys do everything just like it’s done to us. But woman almost always get the short end of the stick!

I could go on but the point is made. Everybody has their flaws and certain ways they do things. Men (especially straight) should be the last to put women down and should do more uplifting. Maybe learning from their older counterparts could help. Older men compliment, they speak with just hello or good morning, and could care less what you look like in the home as long as in public you look good. Younger men are too picky and need to get a clue because if most of them strip, it ain’t a pretty sight and far worse than any female I know and don’t know! But carry on fellas ;)

A & B conversation

Conversations always seem to be taken in first, second and third person, never just first and second. Why? No real friends or loyalty. Well people also have a tendency to want either closure, clarity or convincing. Closure by just leaving the situation and individual alone, clarity to figure out how to handle the situation from someone elses point of view or convincing to even say anything at all. Still confused? So am I!! If this is your friend and you feel in your heart that something needs to be said and what needs to be said...then why ask ANYBODY else for their opinion. I honestly will ask to compare or just to vent out my feelings but never do what anybody tells me I should do. Wish everybody was like this but we know how that goes. But what happens if it was a private conversation? You know about your personal problems and you felt you have a good friend, why not talk about it and see what she thinks. Time goes by and everybody knows your business!! Really? So you go back to the source.

Scenario:

1. Susan: Hey girl, I wanted to run something by you when you got a chance about the other day. I didn’t bring it up because we were in the eyes and ears of other people and wanted to keep it private.
2. Sky: Sure girl, wassup?

    A. Well you remember when you said something about my family drama and personal issues to diane? I did not appreciate that and felt that was spoken between me and you. If I wanted diane to know, I would have told her myself but felt I could talk to you and figured you would keep it to yourself.

    B. Well I apologize about that. Figured everybody has issues and didn’t think it would a big deal because we all were friends.

1. Understandable but please don’t do that again. I know she has a big mouth sometimes and know I can’t go to her about everything!
2. I get it because I can be the same way. It won’t happen again!

Everything seems cool and it seems Sky understood until D, E and F heard multiple stories about what happened and how Sky REALLY felt. Come to find out:

-your family is crazy

-they do nothing for you

-you’re petty

-always have something going on or to complain about

-she didn’t think it was a big deal because everybody has family issues so why is yours sooo important to keep quiet about?

-your aunty such and such on welfare and wic, etc, etc...

Wow! So much for having someone to talk to right? I have learned over the years and still learning actually that everybody is NOT a friend and change like the weather! They often fake the funk and put on these faces to know your business. Sky and Susan are no longer friends of course and thats when Sky really ran her mouth about Susans life and she felt. Smh. Crazy but women or females are just petty like that. Let bygones be bygones and just move on. No need for the extra stuff. How can you put down someone you considered a friend so bad that it ruins your friendship? And why would you want to? I have learned that A LOT of women carry insecurities and bring them into their relationships and not just with men. Sad thing is putting another “sister” and fellow woman down is the right thing to do when no longer cool?!? It seems that person is now beneath you and you have every right to say whatever you want. But when you guys were friends, you kept quiet and consistently expressed how you felt to others that had nothing to do with nothing...interesting. When the Susans come to you being real and honest, it’s never reciprocated and often fabricated when spoken about to others. You know who you are. Carry on.