I'm Good Luv, Enjoy

No matter what was going on back in the day with our parents and grandparents, it seem to never be a doubt concerning marriage. I think that’s why they look at younger generations and ask when, what’s up, or what you waiting on. It’s mind blowing to them because they got married at young ages, had all their children or most with one man/woman and feel if it’s not done with a certain time frame, then you need to move on. They feel marriage is what makes a family whole and complete and simply spending the rest of your life with the one you love. That was simply the way to do things. Simple right? Wrong!! You know how many women my age have put out a deadline with or without her man knowing on the relationship because marriage is her goal and she wants nothing less? You know how many women will beg their man for marriage? Stick around and have all of his babies, cook, clean, wash clothes, and whatever the hell else just to prove that she is the marrying type? When are we women going to learn that if he is not fully committed, he will move how and when he wants too. Move on if it’s not what you want. Move on if he’s not willing to give you that commitment you ask for and have asked for since day one before anything serious. Move on if your not getting the time, attention, or proper love you need and deserve or if at one point you were getting this and it just stopped. Move on.

It will cause less heartbreak, less anger, less resentment, less loneliness and less bull. Trust me, you will get over it. Smoke something, have a cocktail with your girls, sleep, sex, exercise and learn to live your life without this person….you will be okay. I always wonder if women are scared of being comfortable then suddenly being alone? But is it better to be alone or to be with someone who has gotten comfortable? Think about it. Would you want to be with someone who is willing to ride WITH you and vice versa or with someone who wants you to ride out with them? As if selfishness isn’t already a human being issue. Do you want happiness, vacations, a family, love and peace in the household or do you want to be filled with resentment and anger for not following your gut instinct completely thinking that keeping this person around would work out? Prayer works wonders in this situation.

I feel many women have bad or unhealthy relationships/marriages due to thinking he only proposed because of how long we’ve been together. But it’s like a sympathy proposal: she’s been riding out with me for like 10 years, carried my children, stayed through tough times or when I was being a dog, take care of the household….that’s the least I could do is give her a ring. A ring...not commitment, lifelong companionship, a good man/husband, a family, beautiful wedding, wife and no longer girlfriend….a ring. The things I have heard men say are ridiculous and I feel bad for the women who deserve a good man and happiness and to get there have to endure all the nonsense first or at all before getting a proposal. Sad. I start to think, is it the parent/guardian or the woman just letting this man do whatever he wants with no boundaries or standards? Or both? Not saying women make it better because we can get in our way. Many began to think they aren’t worthy of being someone’s wife because no one asked, date all the wrong men and think your doomed to find anyone good instead of simply changing the men you bring into your life or simply waiting because you think you found the one but he makes you wait years upon years because it has to be on HIS time.

He’s just enjoying you! He doesn’t feel the need for commitment or marriage because he’s already getting the benefits. Maybe it’s just you as a person and woman to want a clean home so you don’t mind cleaning but he doesn’t. When you cook you make sure he eats as well knowing he never cooks for you. When at the store you call and see if he needs anything knowing he never does the same and “assumes” your good. Continue to be this person so God can give you exactly who you need and want. Now for him, I always personally want karma (LOL) it just feels good to be petty for once but also knowing that he knows what it feels like to be treated as such. Trust, it’s a lot women out here who are savages and could care less about a man’s feelings, she is out for self….let him run into one of those. To feel worthless, unappreciated, or disrespected and cry to their boys what she did and with who...hilarious! But on a serious note, I wish women would get more confident and know their worth. To leave when you see the red flags and not way after. There too many of us being abused and hurt. I wish men would respect more, be more mature in life and not just “enjoy” a woman. Do the opposite of what daddy did to your mother and do better by your woman and children.

“The mother controls the man’s heart and the father controls his actions.” - Iyanla Vanzant

Until next time...

Ignorant.

Ignorant: lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated.

I sometimes personally feel life is better when you’re ignorant to people and your surroundings. It sounds stupid but when we know what goes on in the world or neighborhood...anxiety, stress and worry set in something terrible! I love to read blogs, books, the news etc and like to now stay in the know but at one point in my life, that was not the case. I felt better walking outside at night not knowing there was an actual rapist on the loose but knew they existed. I felt comfortable drinking and getting on the sub to go home instead of a taxi without having to think of my throat being slit for no reason or thrown in somebody's trunk and gone missing. People are crazy and it's sad that I can and will no longer go back to that. Now mind you, I'm not saying that was the smartest mindset but I didn't really feel the need to be afraid. I always felt God got me and what's meant to be, will be. I just went with the flow.

Now these days, shhiiiiittttt, I’m not stepping out the house without a military blade and pepper spray! And that's the least. If I could carry a gun all day, I would with no problem! I see everyday someone missing, some pervert caught watching kids at a playground or school, uber drivers trying it, people in your own neighborhood killing with no problem and conversing with you like nothing ever happened. If I get in an Uber I try to send somebody my location and get a good look at this person while entering the car. I don't walk down dark blocks and if I have too to get in the house, I walk in the middle of the street. No matter if I'm coming from the car or Uber. I'm more aware and at one point even downloaded this app that shows you the felons in your area, how long they served, when they got out, full facial picture of this person, what they did, the whole nine. But with all of that comes anxiety and stress for me smh. Trying to be cautious, aware and safe takes too much! But I would rather do that than to have to put effort into fighting for my life. I feel as women, we have to educate ourselves more on the physical aspect of protecting ourselves and pass this onto our daughters. We laugh and joke about what would do if somebody put their hands on us or about cutting somebody but if most men grab a woman with intent on hurting her, that’s it. No getting out of that unless this woman is wonder woman or miraculously stronger than this man.

Growing up without a father never bothered me. I had my mother, aunts, uncles (Rest In Paradise Uncle Rob & Uncle Gregory) and older cousins so if and when I needed anything: advice about relationships, learning to cook a certain dish, help with homework or learning how to take care of myself as a woman, I simply asked them. Women have always been the backbones and strength behind us from the beginning so what would I need a man for? What can he teach me that she can not? Welp, you grow into an adult and learn mighty quickly what those things are. It's mostly lessons, mental and emotional support that a father can bring to their children. If myself and my mother had tension or beef, we needed that man to intervene inside the household to keep the peace and balance from all the estrogen lol! But on a serious note I realized what I missed out on by seeing friends with their fathers and just having that very first relationship that's more important than any relationship you will ever have in life with the first MAN in your life. It means something and molds you differently to prepare you for the other most important MAN, your husband.

As a child, you’re told to eat your veggies, drink more water especially in the summer and don’t be up all night on the phone knowing you have school in the morning. But we all know that was never the case! We stayed up on 3 way calls talking about something that happened in school that day, drank juice, ate water ice and a Reese cup tasted better than spinach. The grown you kicks in with working 8-10 hours a day, getting 5-6 hours of sleep and you still have those same eating habits forgetting the fact that your body and mental is taking a toll. I always hear people say they take vitamins so I’m good. Wrong. It's too many African Americans who have diabetes and high blood pressure but are extremely overweight. And it's sad cause in the black community if you are thin, lost weight or just taking care of yourself due to having either or, your too skinny, you eat rabbit food or you need a burger….like that's not what got us in this situation to begin with! I personally decided not to eat to beef or pork and I'm working on my sugar intake at the moment to get that under control considering I'm a huge milk chocolate fan. I watch what I cook with, how much butter I tend to use, salt and what kind of salt I use and just better decisions overall. I tried absolutely no meat but gotta take baby steps lol, not all the way there yet. We don't see the damage it could do until we are older with bad knees, heart problems, back issues or aneurysm from stress. Do better and take care: mind and body.

Ignorance is bliss and I see what they always meant by this.

Black People VS. Niggas

I love my black people. They’re friendly to their neighbors, do their job and go home to their families, they exude positivity and most importantly uplift other blacks/African Americans.

I can’t stand Niggas. Disrespectful, nasty attitudes, negative from sun up to sun down, hate seeing another “nigga” or black folk doing well and minding their business and feel like somebody owes them something.

Niggas. The ones who live around the way. They may work during the day full-time, take care of their kids or spouses and own their homes on the block. Thing is “nigga” is something inside of them and like the color of their skin, won’t go anywhere. They carry this with them and it’s not a good thing because they don’t know how to turn it off. They absolutely hate to see another black person doing their thing especially if it’s a neighbor. The petty will never end and even if you mind your business, they will always have something bad to say or find something. Niggas are lazy giving all other races the impression that we don’t want anything, aren’t about anything and will never amount to anything or anyone. You can walk into a corner store and be called a bitch by a nigga all because you didn’t want to give him the time of day or number. You could have been polite as ever and smiled, he still calls you a bitch and goes home at night to the room in his mothers or grandmothers house. Niggas make you feel like punching somebody in the throat. How is it that, myself - a black woman, can’t walk past another black woman and give a compliment or say good morning and get nothing from another sistah in return? Or get the stank look “ like why is she speaking to me” type of thing. Girl! You aren’t that cute  and it’s not that deep but I’ll let you have it lol. Crazy!

Black people. Like a breath of fresh air! Now, I’m not saying they don’t have their issues but it ain’t that deep to them. They live life like everyone else with careers, thriving business’ and worked for what they have. They speak with respect toward everyone and especially other blacks. They always want better or more and look for ways to better their situation. Conducting themselves with respect in public whether at work or just out and about is the norm for them. They grew above they counterparts and decided on something better instead of the constant negativity, fighting, and drama. They own their homes, raise their children and speak to their neighbors...no petty involved. Block parties, supporting the local black business’, and the old heads on the block that will check your child for doing something they weren’t supposed too. But it’s all love! Grand-parents being able to have the “open door” policy (lol) so you could see what mom mom such and such was cooking, hear a good story from her childhood or learn a lesson on anything about life. Seeing your neighbor from the next block upgrade their vehicle from an early 2000 something to the latest year and congratulate them for working hard with a handshake and a smile.

I had a customer come into the branch sometime last week, older black guy, very positive even though he had barely anything in his account, still had a smile on his face. Told me he was taking out his last for his daughter who needed something for college! He asked me how I was doing and how my day was going, vice versa all while I’m doing his transaction. He made the comment that he liked my customer service and it’s sad that when he goes into other establishments whether black owned or just working there, he doesn’t get that same positive customer service. I told him that I noticed the same thing and that we have to do better and become more of a unit like other races. They can all support one another, live in the same neighborhoods and do great things with no bad blood. Niggas, can not. I feel once we start with liking one another, then supporting one another, can actually work with one another and show more love, we may be okay. Until then we will keep killing one another, showing anger and better yet, showing black children that our behavior is okay and acceptable. It’s not. Sometimes I wish I could snap my fingers and everything could be different everywhere, not just certain areas. Kids could play outside and not have to worry about the violence around the corner. There would be way more programs available for children and the elderly to show people actually cared about them. Blacks would have more business’ around the way other than a barber shop, beauty salon, day care center or water ice stand. To give our people more variety so they won’t have to shop from the chinese, white, papi or african’s.

Until next time….

Female Work Place Behavior

                                                                                                             

You go to work to...work, get the job done. You don’t nor should you have to deal with drama, attitudes or other employees minding your business about what you speak to your manager about! Yes, that part. I’m currently working for a bank, not a good one but money is money and a paycheck is needed. I’m currently working on other things outside of work because working for someone else for too much longer might get me a case. Anywho, I like to get along with people and learned from experience not to speak with the employee concerning a work related issue you have. Management is always better. Why? To keep the bullshit to a minimum, be professional and keep petty at bay. No matter how they feel about it! They don’t own or run the place so me speaking to a manager/boss to me is showing I’m not for it, in my opinion. It cuts out the middleman, the he say, she say and keeps things professional.

So last week, now I got over it at this point because she’s miserable, a coworker tried it. Twice. I get paid for travel time to and from so I leave earlier than the other two girls. I’m called a floater and any other floater that would be there, would leave early as well. She’s one of those employees that feel since she has children, nobody else’s time outside of work matters but her’s. Sorry but that was your decision to have children sweety and you have to work 40 hours unless you put otherwise on your application like the rest of those who do not have children! That’s just common sense but clearly it’s never that common. I’m not in the business of explaining myself to “employees” or co-workers so nothing was said. My silence was everything in my opinion and in so many ways my face as well. Anyway, she felt some kind of way about me leaving earlier than them and felt she needed to address this with the branch manager….who by the way is NOT my manager, just that branches manager. The float team has their own management that we go to and she knows this. Again, common sense. What she fails to realize is, that’s her home branch and I don’t have one….I’m there to help and help out only so if I don’t stay all day….it’s justifiable and again none of her business.

                                                   

The issue is why is that any of your concern when you’re a teller just like me, don’t have another name besides teller like myself and the manager wants to get rid of you? If anything, due to them being one employee down on maternity leave, be grateful that the company is actually sending someone there to help when there could only be two tellers instead of three. I’m just saying. Before that, the second thing that was done was her calling herself checking me!....who, bitch? I walked away due to not wanting to argue and just being professional. Now many would say that’s a punk move, I would have checked that hoe, etc but as you get older you realize people’s actions have nothing to do with you and it’s your reaction that is everything. So I kept it pushing and let her be great lol. Why indulge in someone else’s clear unhappiness about their life? It was all over me turning on the air for a bit when it’s cold outside….but it was 88 degrees back there behind the teller line. Felt real Carribean! Anybody that has ever worked in banking knows it gets hot behind the glass when you have counter to ceiling plexiglass. She acted as if nobody else was working back there with her and she was at home. She was on lunch break, came back and immediately started with the dumb shit and the way she said it was a tad disrespectful. I ignored it and cut the air off when I felt like it of course. It got way too hot again so I shut down my station and walked off. She came off wrong and stated she wasn’t ready to help the next customer and I can’t just walk away like that until I make sure she was ready etc. Like who the fuck was she? The next customer would just have to wait but I don’t deal with heat too well so it was either walk off or the situation goes left and very unprofessional. By that time, the door closed and I walked to the back to breathe. Mind you, this heffa is planning her wedding….why so mad boo? Makes me wonder if everything at home is okay like she leading on to be. It could be the job also but not too many people like their jobs at all but you just keep moving on until you find what you’re looking for. Now in my mind, that’s somebody that wants to control you or feel they have more pull than they actually do. Have several, please and thank you.

                                                    

A most recent incident is her just being absolutely smart for no reason. I sit all the way at the end of the line towards the wall by the ATM next to her goofy ass. So knowing I have to walk by, she leaves her chair sitting out in the walkway, if I have a work related question concerning an account, I get ignored (lol) or it’s the simple huffing and puffing she does for no reason when I’m in a good mood speaking with a customer about life. She’ll play videos all loud on her phone with customers in the lobby or walk off and take phone calls, etc. The list goes on! BUT, to keep it cute, I don’t say one word to the child cause clearly she has some things to work out. I simply told my manager and I won’t be returning to this location once I leave. Mind you this girl is like 33 going on 15 with 3 kids… Age ain’t nothing but a number.

I wrote this and told this long story about petty betty (lol) to make a point about “women” in the workplace. Especially when it’s your OWN race in the workplace. You figured there should be more respect because we are one in the same first and foremost and that’s a WOMAN in a professional environment. We are already looked down on as not being smarter than men, get paid less sometimes and aren’t looked at as good leaders and managers due to getting “emotionally involved” and not being simply logical. Stop the dumb shit, simply do your job and go home to your families. Simple.  There’s no need in being friends, talking about personal at home situations, being unprofessional due to a chip on your shoulder, being petty, gossip, and worrying about the next. We can be cordial, we can lift one another up, motivate one another to do better as women and congratulate when a goal is accomplished! Whether it’s a simple calm down on the chocolate goal or finally wrapping up that business account you’ve worked so hard for and looking forward to that bonus. We don’t do enough of that and in the new year, need to make this our everyday goal. It use to kill me to feel obligated in playing another female who came off the wrong way towards me for no reason. Now, when around this person, I smile and be happy. Fuck em. What they eat don’t make me shit and that’s their PERSONAL problem that they must pray about and find the solution too. Now that’s the true definition of New Year, New Work Professional ME!

Toodles!!