Monday, May 2, 2016

That "Habit" of a woman

Women have a habit of being weak in certain areas and aspects of their life. Even the strongest woman has her weaknesses and downfalls. The number one and two reasons being their child/children and a man. Family is always important and God is always important but for some reason, many women bow down to their children and a man (husband, fiance’ or spouse) above all else. It usually starts with looks and then how he makes you feel. They will then put families to the back burner and will “squeeze” in friends when they feel like it. Amazing isn’t it? Most of the time it’s not even the sex, it’s just having someone there in your corner that you feel or know is better than any other man you have ran into in the past. It may be a new experience for you and you won’t want to let go. I feel men see this, take it and run with it. They will run you into the ground if you let them and will move on and not care about your feelings in the long run. So then all of the family and friends you pushed away for this person no longer care for the dramatics of your relationship and will turn a blind eye to it. Why? Because of you.
Many men get comfortable and I have numerous of stories from the women in my life, old and young, in the dealings with the “man pretender” is what I call them. He may exude certain material or physical things to the eye that make him a man without knowing him but let time go by and you could be surprised of the person he really is. My favorite story I’ve heard thus far in my life is the friend living with her man pretender. He, to me, was a mommas boy in disguise. He spent more time there than anywhere else. How would I know you ask? Because I was at their house more than he was. She was telling me from the beginning how communication was something he was not good at so I’m guessing he felt talking to his mom was better. Or somebody else. Fast forward to last year, he took himself to the hospital one evening. He just recently got promoted to a senior management position at his company. He was already a manager before then but decided he wanted more money I guess. So he applied, interviewed in a different department and got the job. There was already enough stress with the previous position that he would bring home to her. Not his friends, family or co-workers, her.
Of course with that being my friend, it pissed me off but I can only say but so much and do nothing. It’s her life and I let her vent and handle the situation how she see fit. Anyway, after coming back from the hospital, he decided to communicate...yes, communicate about what was going on with him. It was then that he told her it was stress and he felt he needed to eliminate some of it from his life. He meant her. I felt bad. She never cried to me but I know she had to at some point. Every time I spoke with her, she was always out getting something they needed for the house or dog. Whether it was a rug, food, new dishes, bathroom items or cleaning stuff, she cared about the roof over their head and wanted nothing more than to make sure they had what was needed. He allowed her stay there until she got on her feet and was able to get her own or find a roommate. He could care less about where she went because he was solely thinking of himself. Not looking at what he has done to her in any way. But why would he when he constantly played victim? He never listened to her and did what he wanted, his friends were more important, his family always had needs and between those things, he never made time for home. Considering she was working herself, she cleaned, cooked, took care of the dog and when asked when he was going to help, he had every excuse in the world. Work was more important and I guess because he worked, he was tired...but wouldn’t she be as well? Even after all of that, she was willing to stay and work it out.
She grew tired of his excuses, the laziness, everybody else getting the attention she wanted, feeling worthless, small, like she wasn’t good enough and physically tired from playing Martha Stewart once she got home from work. She worked like a dog and I can barely reach her most times. Her motivation though for finally leaving was sad once we sat down and talked after it was all done. It was to the point of them going to pick up food from places and not sitting down to eat but would hear him tell stories of when him and his friends have. She told me while she was still living there that he treated her worse than when they were together. Knowing she needed to save money to leave, he pestered her and bugged her about money for a bill. Considering he made way more than her, knew where she worked and how often, and simply forgetting the fact he told her to leave without warning. That’s never been a man in my book. He talked to her like she was dirt and treated her as such as well. The arguing had gotten worse, he would do all kinds of things to be smart towards her, he began dealing with someone else, and for some reason they still slept in the same bed. Well from what I know it was her bed.
I asked her why she wouldn’t just leave and try to stay with someone until she gets on her feet? She tried but nobody had the room for her and paying for storage every month until she moved was a bit much. She would go for a ride to parks, coffee shops or friends house’s once she got off work to eliminate the amount of time she spent there. To ease tension. Guess that’s why I didn’t hear from her as much. In moments like that, being alone, a long walk somewhere and liquor are the best remedies. She’s married now and I couldn’t be happier for her. It’s now hilarious how often he reaches out, tells her about his relationship, showing off in a way but really it’s to let her know he’s changed. Basically saying how he does better as a man and wants to share that with her. It’s too late. She’s just being the bigger person about everything and letting him know that she’s happier without him. In his mind, he never thought she would move on after moving out let alone get married. I actually liked them as a couple but you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
This "habit" most have is an on-going daily thing. Most women love so hard that they will take being treated like dirt to keep this person around and fear being lonely. Stupidity, to a certain extent, yes but love, or the lack thereof, is the most powerful thing there is. But I honestly feel they forget there are plenty of men in this world who will do much better as the man in their life. Instead of thinking like that, they hold onto someone who doesn’t like them, cares less about their well-being and once tired of them, will throw them away like trash. No concerns for her feelings or self-esteem. They don't want to put in the work a relationship takes and feel the woman should do everything in her power to keep him happy and not the other way around. Many men are the reason women are who they are and it starts with our fathers figures. You can’t pick who your fathers are but you can pick the man you want in your life. Choose wisely.