Sunday, November 30, 2014

My small bucket list

My “Bucket” List...thus far

  • Travel around the world. So typical but it’s rare that many get to do this in their life.
  • Sex on the beach with black sand. Lol I know, a bit much but it’s rare to see a beach with black sand. With my husband of course and while the sun sets.
  • To play the piano fluently. The piano is my favorite instrument. Took a class in high school but didn’t last long enough.
  • Learn another language. The language of choice is Italian. I want to speak and write it.
  • Build my home from the ground up. I would love to say “I helped do this” on the entire home from the inside out. All modern amenities, walk in shower, marble floors and my own room to read, listen to music, tune out the world and collect my thoughts. Something to tell my children some day.
  • To ride a motorcycle. I love bikes and cars but scared to death to ride one because of the terrible accidents I hear about. I want to stop girling, get on and just go. Ride all the way on the e-way with no destination. Purple and black to be exact.
  • A road trip. Possibly to Los Angeles, stay for a week and drive back. A lot, yes but if with the right people, it will be worth it. Plenty of pictures, laughs, frequent stops, sightseeing, and fun.
  • Learn to swim. I know, I know. I just have not ever been a water person and anything above my head is off limits. And I'm not very tall! But if I want to do this, I have to face my fear of this and go for it. Weird that I would do jet skiing but only because my body is not actually in the water the entire time.
  • An awesome body at 60. Lol funny yes but recently seen so many pictures of older women with bodies better than chicks my age. Clearly we are doing something wrong. Overall just want to be healthy and it shows.
  • Snowmobiling. I hate traveling in the snow for work but if I was on vaca or it was a snow day during the school year, I was out in the snow. So snow activities, if not too cold, is up my alley.
  • Very big natural hair. Transitioned into natural almost 3 years ago and so far has been the longest process but better than perms. My ideal hair is very big sexy hair so that when I rod it up, it has a nice wave to it. Still getting used to the every week shampoo or co-wash, deep conditioner process but it’s well worth it. When I’m old and grey, I want to wear my hair like this also.

I’m pretty simple and it’s not much but would love to have the opportunity to do all or any of these at some point. Focusing on the negative and the just getting by mentality you miss the little things in life that make you or will either make you happy.  

Friday, November 28, 2014


Life without my mother, like my brother she was there first
Almost killed a nigga when I thought about that damn hearse
Like mama why yu playin hurt?
I thought that she was sleepin
Then I played her favorite song
3 minutes long
It ain't work
Feelin so hurt inside
This pain I feel can't be described
Please Someone look me in my eyes n tell me this is life
Imagine losing ya only child n ya wife
Shit ain't right
Prolly take back all the bad in ya life
For ya wife
N ya only child who's the main reason behind yo smile
We should really lift the dead up
Dey ain't the ones to be afraid of
It's the ones alive who betray us
Happens to everyone
Guess I gotta keep my head up 😔💔

This was something my lil cousin wrote about how he felt after his mother passed, my cousin. She left us Monday September 22, 2014. I will never forget my aunt crying on my voicemail letting me know what happened or reading the text my sister sent letting me know she passed. It was approximately 3 or 4 something that morning when it happened and I'm just glad she wasn't alone when she went. Of course my family did what any family would do, we gathered at her house that morning and reminisced about when they were younger and who she was as a person.  That was literally the longest car ride I had to take. My aunt is dear to me and seeing her cry so much made the day even worse. She is the tough aunty. The one that will get drunk and curse everybody out from the newborn to the grown with no problem. Lol. But she was always honest and true to how she felt about you. This is how you know theres nothing like pain and being hurt. It's crazy how family mostly only get together when things like this happen but it felt good to support one another.
Robin was definitely my aunt's child. Could be sweet as pie but would fight you in a heart beat. Lol. She was a breath of fresh air and when we didn't want to be home on the weekend and just wanted something to do, we would all go to her house and stay. She allowed us to stay up all hours of the night, always cooked, and let us eat whatever we wanted. A childs dream! She had a lot of pride. Did not walk out the house without her hair done, always had her nails done, wasn’t a make-up chick but was girly in her own right. Robin always a had a funny story to tell! Constantly making fun of my aunt and uncle, her sisters, my sisters and myself or her kids. If you needed anything and she had it, you had it. I remember her playing one of her favorite songs, Anything by Jaheim featuring Next over and over again lol. She would play the hell out of a song until you knew every word, verse, hook and bridge. Typical Aries, she spoke her mind and could care less about how anyone felt. Period.
She now has a new granddaughter that was born almost a month after her passing. She will never get to meet the person we all knew and loved or to be spoiled by her the way she spoiled her two eldest grands. I will never forget her laying there, gone, as we waited for her body to be taken. I literally sat by myself in her kitchen and watched as they brought her body down wrapped up as that was the last time I seen her physically. The most depressing part was my aunt staying in my cousins bedroom and watched from the window as they took her middle child away. That same day she was cremated. I will always and forever miss my cousin and yes it gets easier over-time but this is still the hard part. I guess she is the reason I have not wrote anything for awhile on here. My mind was consumed with other things.

R.I.P I love you.