The ways and drama with Women

There will always be that point in life you will have to realize who your true friends are and the family that actually act like blood. Especially with women. Somebody always feels some type of way about something another has done, cliques began to form, and backbiting is never at a minimum. Chicks are not upfront about much but have no problem discussing another woman. So therefore, you have no problem discussing me either with this person your talking about to me….see how that works. One minute you guys are tight. That's your right hand, ya'll go shopping together, she’s in your home, around your man, other friends, your family or whatever but yet this is the main one who will make you feel like shit at the drop of a dime. When I say this, I mean by being petty over little things when you thought she was more mature, will argue you down or fight you for a man that's not even hers, will discuss your life to people you don’t even know and yet somehow it always gets back to you or to someone you know and they have to be the ones to tell you how she really feels.

Side note: I have not ever been a product of my environment so speaking a certain way, carrying myself a certain way, the kind of men I chose to deal with, and the way I viewed things was different than theirs (family, friend) so I was judged. I didn’t have a baby father to sit and discuss, a man who was locked up, I could care less about my old dudes new girlfriend or how she looked, I never cared about another chicks man, and never went to another girls house because we were dealing with the same guy...he was dismissed right after. It’s not my fault that I just made better decisions with my life since I’m the one living it but people would make it seem as if you look down on them. Sounds like a personal issue. I don’t speak or associate with everybody “around the way” due to drama and the lack of patience I have for it so that makes me uptight, ignorant, or stuck up. I guess. My solution: fuck em. Many women experience this everyday and feel they have to explain themselves on who they are as an individual. A good, chill, laid back woman can’t just be this with certain neighbor’hoods’ in urban areas. She has to be the “typical” with every issue under the sun and everybody has to know her business or know who she is to have something to talk about. Now that I’m done with that…

With many female family members, it’s a lot worse and you’re better off being around people off the street! Since they have the tendency to know more of your business through auntie such and such, your mother, and cousin crystal, they will use that against you in a heart beat. They judge faster and will side with their neighbor before you and the neighbor don’t even like them. They will make you feel like the worst person in the world if you can’t help them with something financially forgetting or not caring that you have a household and other bills of your own to maintain. And lets not forget about the fact of them talking about you like a dog. I can see this from someone that doesn’t know you but not blood. I’ve heard many female family members from my own and others say how they don’t mess with another female family member for no absolute reason at all. Like not even have spoken, converse, or spent any time but because of how she carries herself, has her own, and doing okay if not good, she think she the shit? Well maybe she is if thats the case. Everybody has issues but deal with them differently than others. Know this and the world would be better place.

Over the years, I have made my mistakes and would have considered myself and still do consider myself a work in progress. I’ve become distant from people who I was tight with and never made amends and not because I didn’t care but because I did not notice it being done at first. I at some point seen a change in them towards me so I acted instead of inquiring. But did these people say anything, no. So who was really in the wrong? I was the reacher at one point. I would reach out and see how people are doing, how their parents were etc and often did not receive that in return. But it’s funny because people will tell you how they feel about you without saying anything. As stated earlier. I would try and make plans with a friend and things never worked out but there was always a million pictures with them out with other people or friends. I was the excuse maker like “maybe it’s our jobs or just plain scheduling conflicts”. Lol yeah, think I made my point. Anyway, I would, as many others view themselves, as a good person and friend but have been used, walked on often, and ignored so a wall has been put up. Being quiet, nice, and passive aggressive was the main reason I was taken advantage of. Has it made me another person, no but definitely made me stronger, more outspoken, and made me develop a more nonchalant attitude than I have before. Not all good things but it worked out for the best for myself. Take it or leave it. A lot of women don’t realize they make you who you are and will be the main person talking about the person you turned out to be and how you’ve changed. Funny right. Us women nine times out of ten don’t know how to just be. It does not always have to be drama or something going on to communicate with one another and be good. Of course not speaking on every single woman in the world but you get my point.

Side "piece" and the dilemma

At one point this was just something temporary, to have someone different outside of your man/woman. It was exhilarating and gave you a rush to even get attention from someone else in that way. The way they touch you, smile at you, make you feel you can be yourself good or bad and makes you forget about the headaches going on in life. Many people would say it made their relationships last longer or made it better. Maybe you realized you weren’t ready to settle down and were just used to dating but didn’t want to let them go. Maybe the sex is better, you guys have more in common, or maybe this is the person you run to when your partner is tripping or just getting on your nerves. You could be the side piece’s side piece, it could be insecurity issues, or maybe you’re looking for more of what you’re not getting. What happens if the side piece catches feelings? What happens if you do?

The funny thing about most “side relationships” is the person doing the cheating treats this person better than their “main”...yeah I have always been confused about that. If that’s the case then move on and stay with the side piece and live happily ever after. Of course this rarely happens because the one doing the cheating, wants their cake and eat it too. To be free spirits without the consequences. The cheater will make all the time in the world for their side piece without knowing it and leave the one at home on hold constantly wondering. I know you can’t help to whom you fall for but to a certain extent it makes me wonder, where is the respect for your relationship? For this person as an individual? Why do people insist on leading others on after this person’s emotions and heart are involved? Is this for excitement?

It’s funny and yet sad because with the women who are successful in life, lower their standards or “dumb” themselves down to be with a man. Usually a guy feels that since home is taken care of: bills paid, mortgage paid, suburban living, nice home, she has a car, sex whenever he wants it and sometimes how, they may have children together, and she gets whatever she wants, that its okay for him have other women…..or woman...a.k.a ”The side chick”. So I have wondered many times how these “type” of chicks feel knowing this. Of course they don’t feel bad because they wouldn’t continue to deal with him or even look twice if they knew he was taken or cared. But then the question at hand is who is the one actually lowering her standards? The side chick or the main? Or both? Honestly I say both.

In all actually, as far as personality, people show their true colors not too long after you meet them. When it becomes serious, some may show this side up to a year. At that point its up to you to decide if you want to deal or keep it moving. With that said, the main chick about 90% of the time knows what kind of man she is dealing with from the gate. Whether he's a flirt, all around cheater and with anything in a skirt, a gentlemen, all around asshole, selfish etc. You just know. Women don’t have women's intuition for no reason. So sometimes the main chick at one point was the side chick. He may not have had other women he was dealing with but everything else under the sun could have been his priority and not her. Just so happens he got comfortable with the main chick and decided it was not enough and went looking for more of what he thought he was missing.

The side piece has a woman's intuition as well but rarely uses it. She usually waits in the background playing her role. She notices him coming around when he’s horny and the main is out with friends or on vaca. She may know that things won’t work out in her favor every time she wants to see and be around this person. Instead of getting out of a hurtful situation, they stay for the benefits that come with it. She doesn’t have to deal with the emotional attachment, scheduled phone calls and texts, he has no authority over her meaning she can date whomever and whenever, no commitment and she is still taken care of financially (to an extent) and sexually. Sounds like a deal right? I guess but at some point, she is going to want more and want the luxuries the main chick is granted with on a regular basis depending on how long she’s been around. The kids, calling and texting whenever something good or bad happens, quality time, sharing a home, PDA, money for her own business, different cars and driving his, knowing the fam and close friends, cookouts, and double dates. But most of all his heart. These things will make anybody without a love of their own envious. May not seem like a lot but in her eyes and heart, she’s not getting that and will want that eventually. Then what? She makes herself known in some way and many cause rift and confusion in the life and relationships of the one they want leaving him with an ultimatum. Why do people still get involved in these situations is beyond me but to each its own.