Monday, November 7, 2016

Cheater Cheater

It felt good. To be wanted, held, and looked at as if you were the most beautiful women in the world. To be wined and dined, treated like a queen and then the grand finale. At first you felt super uncomfortable and knew that karma was nothing to play with. He knew as well but went along with his inhibitions without a care for your feelings or the life you guys were building. He caressed your body and it brought you back to the present moment which was love but not the typical. He made you feel safe and like he could keep your heart out of harms way. You knew this was all in your mind because you were emotional and emotions in a women could be a bad or great thing depending on what was going on in her life at the moment.

You began to think why you were there in the first place. Was it strictly emotional or were you just sick of the blocked calls to your phone, him hiding the phone when walking into a room, the too much needed “alone time”, his boys being more important or just the lack of respect for the relationship as a whole? Either way, dude was making you feel like the biggest whore but you were on top of the world (literally lol) and he had a way of making those bad thoughts and feelings disappear. Why didn’t you just leave? Well your decision is to leave but wanted to get this out the way first, you know, as a way of making him feel like shit. You finding out about the “other woman” hurt to no end but felt like things could still work… Silly girl, once a cheater, always a cheater. He’s told you how he cheated in the past but reassured that it was the past and he was done. He wanted to “man up” and be in a mature relationship. So how was it this girl/women made him decide otherwise?

You weren’t one for competition but at that moment and on that day, you definitely had one up on him. This man was gorgeous inside and out. It wasn’t about how he was built, his complexion, the way he looked at you or how he treated you. It was more about how he made you feel, how he lived his life, how he embodied all around the kind of man he wanted to be and embraced the man he was in the present. Basically realizing he had flaws but working to be a better man. He came with minimal bullshit and secured his life so that himself or family didn’t want for anything. He was willing to give that to you as well...but you needed to drop the current situation. You weighed the pros and cons. Pros: no bullshit, respect, treated like a queen, have fun with him, be with a family man, career driven and all around awesome person. Cons: stay in the current situation, dealing with whatever issues the new guy brings, deal with trust issues with the current, share the current with other women, getting to know someone new all over again, being put last from the current and being unhappy. This was an easy decision hands down but he ultimately has your heart. This is a dangerous thing for a women with whom is not logical and thinks SOLELY with her heart. But that wasn’t being done at the time because you were enjoying the body of another man.

Waking up the next morning your decision is made: your going to stay and act as if nothing happened. You feel stupid for letting the “good guy” slip away but don’t actually let him slip away. You keep him around until he wants something different, then on to the next. You figured he will also have his bullshit with him that he just hasn’t shown yet and you weren’t willing to take that step...yet. So you decide to “stay” with your comfort zone. You know him and everything that comes with him and regardless of what you go through or deal with, you know for a fact that stepping out now won’t be an issue. Since you know his patterns, you work around those to do what you want to do and come home like nothing happened. He does it, so why shouldn’t you? He can stay out all night so why can’t you? He can have his alone time, funny ways, sleep with her, her and her, come home as if nothing happened...you can as well. Especially if you’re going to stay with him. You guys aren’t married and have no children so you figure, I’m going to rock out until the wheels fall off. You were sick of the double standard with men and felt that if a grown man can play and do dumb shit, as a grown woman with needs not being met, I can as well.

It’s stupid but when the person you want doesn’t want you wholeheartedly and not willing to do the work, it does something to most women and they began to have doubts about love and play, start to like it and play some more. They may love this person a lot but just like men say when cheating, it means nothing, it’s just sex, right?;)