Friday, April 14, 2017

Work Relationships...

We go to work everyday to make a living, extra income, new opportunities and learn a new skill. Along the way we meet new people, maybe experience seeing different cities, and learning how to work in a group setting on occasion. You then begin to realize, you see these people more than you see your own family or spouse! Sometimes it’s not always a good thing either lol. There’s always that one negative co-worker, the one who's too happy (not a bad thing but early in the a.m and being on 10 can be annoying), one who’s always having relationship troubles, the brown noser, the antisocial but always on the phone during the day texting or on a call during lunch breaks, and the parent who always discusses their children and their actions on a daily basis. Just to name a few. Then it goes to the outside of work activities.

It all starts in steps. Staying at work late with certain people all the time, to then getting drinks from the nearest pub, bar or lounge, then dinner dates, and then eventually to the homes we go. Cookouts, birthday parties for the kids, husbands watching the games together and maybe even double dating here and there. That to me is all good! By no means is there an issue with that. However, the issue I have and will not EVER do is meeting my spouse at work! I don’t know how the hell people do it! I want to be in my partner's world but to an extent. I want to know your working hard and doing your thing but I do not want to see it on a regular basis. I would get sick of the seeing this person to the point where I would feel going to our separate homes is space for us. Or if I’m mad at this person, have to see his ass allll day for 6-8 hours while I try to act as if he doesn’t exist lol. Petty moment number 1 and there’s plenty more where that came from!

The one thing that would really irritate me and I have heard of happening before is the flirting and dating other women in the office, professional setting, wherever you work. Um, no. You could get so caught up with someone that you might forget that even though there may be sex involved, they aren’t just yours! So you would have no choice but to hear stories of him dating other women from other people you work with, not him of course, and see it for yourself. At this point the choice is yours to figure out what you want to do but it’s definitely a hard decision to make when you’re feeling someone. That’s speaking from a typical woman's view. In my personal opinion, he can kick rocks and kiss every inch of my ass, as he has probably done already lol! But seriously, it’s a respect issue for me and if I’m not throwing other men in your face whether hearing it from me or not, then you shouldn’t. Sharing is not something grown people should do.

A girlfriend of mine went through the same thing. Now with her already being emotional, she let it go too far and got her feelings hurt. Now, I’m not being heartless but I feel you have to know who you are as a person before dealing with certain people. Period. If you know off hand from the beginning this person is full of shit and you fall easily, LEAVE THEM ALONE. It’s simple but people make life so complicated. Anyway, after he got what he wanted, he began acting differently and swerving her to no end. I felt bad at first but once she kept going on about it even after it was over, I got a little irritated. In my eyes it was done but she kept holding on and getting upset every chance she got from the thought of what he did. He didn’t care about her the way she did him and we seen it...she did not. Again, know who you are and what you want!

Back to work. I also feel when trying to get to know this person, you will hear most of it from co-workers running their mouths, most likely devaluing this person. So by the time you have a one on one, what wouldn’t you know? I guess what he looks like naked at this point lol. You would then have to worry about people being in ya’ll business if deciding to make it official. That’s annoying. Every little step he takes or whatever he does, they would be glad to tell you especially if it’s something concerning another woman. Petty moment number 2, aka will get somebody cussed out moment. So at this point, how do you really enjoy this kind of relationship? Yes, outside of work but what about at work? Of course keeping things professional and low-key is the key but people will know and I don’t know how much I would be able to take from the nosey co-workers with nothing to do. You know, the ones who have their own relationships, marriages, kids or anything else to worry about but they worry about you co-workers. So, yeah it’s safe to say...work relationships are the worst idea...in my opinion of course lol.
Until next time!
Dannie J.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Scared of Marriage

Me: Failure. Communication. Loss of interest. Compromise. There’s an ending (like a job). Consistency. Bored. Growing apart. Financial. Literal distance. Emotional distance. Time. Power struggles.

The way marriage was in the 60’s was beautiful. Not necessarily the roles they played (stay at home wife and working husband) but how love was sometimes all they had and they made it work. Divorce was not an option. You see and hear now how our aunts, uncles, grand-parents or parents have been married for years upon years and stuck it out through everything. She didn’t have to be barbie and dress a certain way to get and keep his attention and weddings were simple.


“I knew he was cheating, just didn’t know with who. His schedule became unexpected and he stayed out longer than usual after a while. With years behind us already in marriage, It was hard facing the truth. We were experiencing a rough time but felt talking, therapy, spending more time or remembering why we got married in the first place would help. I cared at first asking myself a million questions with the first being why? I got over it though. I then began to have my own affair. I would go to work, go to “his” home, wash and go home, sometimes beating your uncle there, to cook and help the kids with homework. Like nothing happened, just how he was able too. It became the normal daily thing to do. As long as home was taken care of on his part, I didn’t care what he did. I wasn’t going to stress over a man, husband and all.” - Auntie (this is not them in the pic, just an example)

As time goes on and I’m getting up there in age, I realized I’m probably the only woman scared of marriage! I would embrace it and not think about the negative but sometimes I feel like most men and how they feel! Of course you’re thinking if everything is good beforehand and there’s an understanding of what you both want/need, there shouldn’t be an issue right? This is true but that’s not always the case and I think I’m scared of things going wrong. Do I walk around like this...no but I’m a logical person and if nobody else can be real with me, I know I can. So I don’t sell myself the dream of marriage, I sell myself on the reality of marriage. They say it’s better to love than to not have loved at all...but that does not always mean you’re meant to marry that person... There will be arguments, disagreements, petty moments, and a dislike of something from the other at some point...but that’s a relationship. I’m more so concerned about the things that happen outside of those small things like losing trust, disrespect, money issues, or no longer keeping your partner on their toes...you know keeping things “new” and consistently being able to keep them happy….for the rest of your life. You would think people would have this down pact in the relationship but seems it gets harder with some. To keep interest for the rest of both persons lives, through sickness and health and until death do you part. That’s a lot of pressure!


I honestly feel that it’s like having a full time job because it takes WORK...outside of your full-time job, having a social life outside of them, making time for friends, family, then your own interests above all while trying not to be selfish. Somebody or something is going to come up short and depending on who you married, it may be you. People don’t treat it as such and afraid he may treat it as a part-time position. People view it as: I love this person, I see my life with this person and that’s it. Yes, as human beings, we make life more difficult than it really has to be but people are like onions and have many layers that you may not have seen. They don’t think about this person at their worst and really SEE if it’s worth it in the long run. I’m scared of not fully being accepted and this person just settling because of time. I’m scared of time spent being a distant memory, not being put first as his wife, work being more important than actually LIVING and having the guy who puts our relationship second or last to family or friends. You could worry about this before marriage but marriage is important and want my partner to know this as well. Not just to marry because it’s the “next step” or it’s been long enough so why not.  I also feel many women carry resentment into their marriage. Their partners took their time asking for this commitment from her and she felt it could have been sooner. Over-time people can change like the weather and it affects you as well if your with this person. There could be a job offer that’s great for him but you're not willing to leave your job, family, money and stability for HIS career. You both agreed 100% before marriage on everything listed above and that you want kids but you're willing to wait a few years after marriage and traveling a bit while he wants a child six months to a year afterwards. Things and people change!

You have many men after a while or before even asking that feel they would be missing something or freedom is “gone” for some reason…what? Smh. Your married, not going to prison lol. You’re spending the rest of your life with someone you love and care about, not going into an arranged marriage. Lastly, if that’s how you feel, just don’t ask her or anybody to marry you then… duh! As stated, just goes to show people make things more difficult than they really have to be. If your partner is going in with that attitude, you will go into the next situation with your guard up. No one wants to be that person. Love is supposed to make you open to new things, it’s supposed to feel good when new and even after. Not to be the person who’s closed off and guarded because of being that open in the past and failing. Many men have this thing where they feel this way (listed above) and will wait 7 plus years to ask/make that commitment. It’s like they’re bracing themselves for marriage with this person knowing they don’t want to lose them but not fully ready for the REST of their lives to deal with this person’s flaws. Women are more open to it. A glass of wine/mojito and girl talk cures everything sometimes lol. Just go in light hearted and happy!


All of those things and more could put a strain on the marriage and fill either you or your partner with regret, resentment, anger (angry black woman lol), sadness, confusion and feeling hopeless. Thus looking forward to moving on and living without them eventually. I honestly don’t think that’s something I ever want to deal with. You can’t help the change in someone over-time. It’s life, it happens and you can’t help certain things that happen in life but I feel things can be prevented...by not getting married lol!

Happy union’s to all!!!

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

To The Entrepreneur

Being your own boss and becoming a business owner is a dream for most people in the world! To manage the way you see fit especially if coming from a background of managers who didn’t know what they were doing, put their energy into their favorite employees, or creating the word asshole to be a new personality trait by definition alongside hard-working, determined, or motivated. You have the opportunity to treat people how they deserve to be treated, pay is fair and reasonable (you know they can actually live life), and you love the smiles people have with good personable customer service. Growing into something and maybe even global is the goal. You’re a hard worker and want the people who work for you to embody that same trait. What most don’t realize is it’s a trickle down effect. If your employees see you behave and treat people a certain way, they will do the same. There’s certain characteristics and a level of “humble” one should have. I’ve seen a lot of the opposite. You ever happen to be out shopping or just getting some air and go past small boutiques. You look inside and the employee at the register or desk is on the phone texting or talking and there is no one shopping… Bad for business!!! Now don’t get me wrong, I live for someone doing their own thing and trying to build their brand but it won’t happen while doing the things listed above. Period. You will not get my money either, sorry. When I walk into a store, no matter where it’s located, I feel I, the paying customer, should be greeted. And not just greeted because you feel you have too but because you are welcoming my business/money and a possible return and referral. Here in Philly, I know those who are from here are familiar with the Chestnut St. and South St. stores.

Yes, the demographics change but professionalism and being a good boss should not. As the boss of the boutique or franchise, you lead by example! So I don’t blame the employees when things look sloppy, I blame the Boss/CEO, Manager or Assistant Managers of the world for that behavior. Even if it’s a “problem employee” who won’t follow the rules and do what they want, I still blame you (boss). They should have been replaced after the first conversation. The thing that bothers me is becoming friends with your employees! Like who the hell made this a “law”??? I’ve been in too many boutiques from here, Baltimore, and New York to always hear the CEO and Store Manager are besties...why? There’s no way I’m hiring my best friend or family member to help me run my business or nor will I become friends with that person. Doing COMPANY things together is one thing but having dinner and drinks regularly outside of work is a no no for me. I’ve seen far too many who take advantage of being the bestie and have one of three problems: 1.) She really has no clue to what she is doing but because the boss trusts her or that’s her friend, she has that mentality of “I can run the business how I choose when she’s not here.” 2.) She then becomes friends with the employees and let them do whatever they want. Take off work for odd reasons, not acknowledging the clients when arriving to shop, or taking her side over a customer's side when there is conflict. 3.) Has favoritism and will pick and choose who she wants to work with when she works instead of which personality fits a specific time period for clients throughout the day. Alll bad for business traits that I see too often.

Now my personal experience is the same but a little different. It lasted for about a month before I realized that I was good. It was working for a Real Estate Company and since that’s what I’m trying to get into, I felt it was an awesome opportunity and good start. Why not right? I was going to be the Office Assistant/Administrative, it was a black owned business/company and not too far from my house...perfect and finally because Plymouth meeting and King of Prussia was a hike. Everything was cool except for the pay which was a bit odd for the position. I knew how much I was going to get paid but she stated there were bonuses involved so it would be like I was making more money. I wasn’t too concerned due to being more focused on the experience. First bad thing was not having a key to the building yet and getting a text stating the Office Coordinator aka the owner's mother, was going to be 20 minutes late….after me already standing out there for 10 minutes longer than I should have in the cold. When she pulled up, her excuse nonchalantly was she wanted to try and get her phone fixed because it was acting up…. I wanted to punch her in the forehead like excuse you!?? Smh. Then she (mother) was 50 years old speaking like a 20 year old around the way chick with the lip smacking, constantly touching her hair and looking at her nails as if they were going to change colors or something!  I was confused. I don’t know anybody who wants their mother speaking or acting like that! Bye lady. Anyway the agents were lazy and not bringing in any money meaning those so called bonuses were never going to happen due to that! No one said anything until after I took the position. There was no signage, sticker in the window, email or phone anywhere on the building...in a predominately white neighborhood with the people in the area walking in asking what we were. Basically trying to figure out what the hell 5 black people were doing in an unmarked building.

The owner: supposedly had another location in Atlanta but never spoke about it, would go to the office to pray in the morning before opening, rarely interacted with us unless there was a task in mind, would change softwares every week after getting used to the previous and her children would come in after school randomly throughout the week during business hours because they were locked out the house which was 10 minutes away. Oh and I guess because I quit, she has yet to pay me. The building was nowhere near finished inside so we were working in the middle of that whenever he came to fix or do anything. It was just an annoying experience and I vowed to not work for another “start-up” again. I honestly felt she was one of those companies that use people to get where they want to be financially. Like you help her build and make money but just put “Real Estate Company” as the title. She has yet paid another guy that worked there as well and he was fired due to not doing his job “correctly”. When in that case, he was there a whole 3 months before I was...if he wasn’t doing anything correctly, it was due to whomever taught him (the job being his first real estate job) and he should have been fired. To drag it out that long made no sense. This will all bite her in the ass though. The guy she fired was doing things that only a licensed individual should have been doing and he was not with license. She could lose her business and then owe myself and him the money she owes and then some. That has me wondering how can you be so religious but treat people in this way?? I know it happens but come on. Bad for business but you live and you learn and she will find out soon.

On that note, anybody that’s a boss should always get the knowledge needed before opening a business! Just having an idea and the money is not nearly the half! It’s something so simple yet business’ close everyday due to not making enough money because of the many reasons listed above. Especially if it’s advertised properly, a business people will need or benefit from and you’re the only one listed in a particular area...bring on the money!
To privately owned business’ doing better this year!!!