Love letter to Love

Thank you. You have allowed people to be happy and actually feel it. Allowed people to have that emotional attachment that will make them do anything for the ones they adore. Gave those who have done wrong a second chance to have you in their lives and to feel you in every bone and not just the heart or smile. You have the ability for distance to never be an issue because you’re in heart and mind. Bringing children into the world and to actually have those that feel you inside and out before giving themselves away inside and out. True adoration are the grandparents who never seem to age and even after they raise their children, raise their grandchildren giving nothing but wisdom and all of you. Bringing families together for Sunday dinner or just a Tuesday night movie discussing life and goals. Giving hope to the men and women who feel you have failed them early on in life and allowing them to open their minds and hearts again to you.

You are powerful and almost like a drug, addictive even. Once people get a taste of you, they look for you again and again until being fully satisfied. You’re the reason people date and they have all kinds of apps/websites such as Tinder and eharmony for those looking for you. To feel the warmth you bring, a glow that never fades and knowing you have someone with you every step of the way. Bragging on social media of new babies, new partners, new homes or cars is the norm when wanting to show off the things they have the most adoration for. Pictures say a thousand words. Creating a strong bond between friends that lasts a lifetime through ups and downs, kids, marriages and relationships. People have the tendency to trust when you are around. They gain faith, hope often, wish more, trust God and learn to rely on self when not able to rely on others. The biggest problems many people have going through life.

I have personally learned to adore me more over the years whether good or bad. My mood swings (hey not my fault), loving nature, willingness to help those who need it, accepting people for who they are, my silliness around those that know me best, my randomness, conversation about anything, willingness to learn, love those who love me, straight forward, quiet, and often in my own world. That's just me. People will try to bring you down about the person you are because you’re not the person they want you to be or expect you to be. That's fine but I’m good on that. I have learned to adore those around me more. Friends, Family and my love and dismiss those who are not for me. You have confirmed to me awhile back that it was okay to adore ME enough to let them go and move on with life. That I will find happiness elsewhere and have.

So to love, I appreciate you and I’m sure other do as well. Keep being you and giving people a reason be themselves, to smile and to use you unconditionally.

One of my favorite quotes

• Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
• Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
• Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I’am alive.
• Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
• Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
• Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
• Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
• I can complain because I have to go to school or I can eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
• Today I murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord had provided shelter for my mind, body, and soul.
• Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped
• And here I’am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping
• What today will be like is up to me

The battle within

• Weight issues- you feel you’re too heavy or over-weight and just trying to keep up with the video models and actresses. Or even just everyday people. Feel a big booty and a size 8 is the perfect size to get attention. (feeling of being over-looked)   

• Childhood issues- you were either teased or bullied. You were a loaner and wasn’t good at making friends. People didn’t accept you for who you were even when genuine.This then carried on later in life. (feeling of loneliness)
• Family issues- There was either constant bickering, arguing, name calling, and no affection. They didn’t show any support, you never sat at the table to eat dinner and were not very close.  One or both was all about career and you rarely seen them when you needed them most. (abandonment issues)
• Skin Complexion- you have a beautiful dark, olive or light skinned complexion and people love it but for some reason you struggle with accepting you for you. You often put yourself down and feel you could look better (self-hatred vs self-confidence)
• Blunt/outspoken- speaking your mind is a good thing but you never know when to press the pause/stop button. People often can’t handle the truth. (to speak truth or bite thy tongue)
• Pessimistic- Negative nelly. Always shining a negative light on things and can’t see the good in anything. You’ve lived in bad neighborhoods growing up and surrounded yourself with like-minded individuals. You always tried your best but always felt success was not within reach. (psychology vs surroundings)
• Too nice- people often take advantage of you and you wonder if they really like you for you or just what you are willing to do for them...

Everyone has a battle they deal with at some point in life. Whether you’re taking things day by day or simply one step at a time, nobody is living the perfect life. If so it may seem that way on the outside. People have the tendency to make things worse for you and what you’re battling with. They often criticize and say you’re too skinny, that you need to lose weight, ask why are you so negative or why are you so nice to people that don’t deserve it. People tend to not care about figuring out where it comes from and why, you know, the real question they should be asking. It makes you feel bad and maybe even worthless in a sense that you are not what people want you to be. It’s more so sad even because you never know someones story but will judge at the drop of a dime. It begins to mess with your mental and emotions until you want the pain to go away.This is when self-harm comes into play or drugs, alcohol abuse and just no longer caring for self. People will abandon their child/children, steal from the ones that love them, and have babies with men/women who care nothing about them but show them all the love in the world. They feel the high from the drugs, alcohol or pills will take them away from the pain long enough to cope better but it makes it worse and often leads to death.

There are all types of individuals that are still not accepted completely within society. I can see the 50’s or 60’s but in 2014 it’s still unbelievable. Gay men and women, whether people want to accept it or not. Their battle, not being accepted still and are thought to not be normal wanting another man or woman. They often get the we are disgusted looks. Straight women will look at a pretty girl whom is gay or bi and think she is too pretty to be with another woman or will look at a gay man and think the same thing. Individuals who date outside their race is another group. Their battle, they are judged and looked at like its just about money and being taken care of. My thing is a man within my race can do the same thing...so what are you really saying about a man within my race? I don’t look at it like they feel it’s better but some people probably had bad experiences dating within their race and decided on something different/new. There is nothing wrong with that but you would have thought they didn’t like their race at all the way people look at the situation. Relax and let them do them unless they are completely bashing their own race then make an issue. The roles men and women play within the household to a certain extent is not accepted. Many men or older women feel the woman's place is at home. Now the woman may not agree with this but will comply because she loves and wants to be with this man. Her battle, wanting independence and some control over the finances as well instead of all decisions being on him. She can always leave but will question if it’s worth completely leaving and throwing the relationship away. If the role is the other way around and the woman was the breadwinner, his battle is he will be looked at as less of a man. Some women have the tendency to belittle a man when he can’t do his part in the relationship.

It’s a struggle to walk around like everything is okay and yet feel so much pain, non-acceptance, and confusion inside. You have to smile and be friendly at work and fake to get through the day and keep your job secure. You don’t want people asking what’s wrong and how can I help because they can’t. And believe me that gets annoying. It’s an issue that starts with you and your surroundings and ends with you. Whether you take the step to get better or do better and move on to the next battle or you stay fighting that same battle. The choice is yours.

Father's day

This day comes and goes by every year. I rarely feel any kind of way about it either. I’ve never met him and wish things were different with this situation but what can you do. Life goes on right. I wanted to find him and ask a lot of unanswered questions from the past 27 years. Like why weren’t you there, did I at some point matter to you at all, and what have you been up to all this time. But instead, I kept quiet and only went on google once typing in the name to see how many people popped up. Of course it was way too many and I’ve gotten discouraged afterwards. What was the point? Yes every little girl wants a relationship with their father but why should I be the one that has to take initiative? Why should I take time out of my day or life for that matter and look for you? Was I not worth it? Am I still not worth it? I didn’t ask to be here but now that I Am, it was your responsibility to man up and do what you had to for me.

It’s sad just having to rely on our mothers, grandmothers, aunts and uncles and 9 times out of 10, there are many I encounter that do not and have not ever had a relationship with their father. I guess you can say these are the real father figures. Whats crazy is they live in the same city and could see you waiting for a train or getting in your car and won’t beep, wave, or even acknowledge you. They may not even recognize you. I began to think a little deeper and compare to what goes on now with these girls/women having these babies by these nobodys. Then realized, what’s the point? Nothing has changed. Maybe he wasn’t a dead beat when you met him and promised to be there, maybe another woman was the cause of the rift between him and your mother, or maybe it was your mothers decision to keep you and he wasn’t ready for a child. No matter what it was, I wish these men would realize you have to be there. Once a woman is pregnant, it is solely her decision to keep the child but too often she wands up raising the child on her own. The “father figures” are always absent in life or just yours but will be with another woman and help her raise her children. They don’t even have to be married. I guess they are just shacking up or could be he needs a place to lay his head. Who knows.

Seems the only time they are present and want to be there is if you have children of your own some day. Like they just pop out of nowhere and want to be the perfect grand father or something. I don’t know if they are trying to make up for them not being there for you or just all of a sudden want to be present after you’ve grown into adulthood on your own knowing they are not obligated to do anything for you. Sometimes with certain situations they know they have to build a relationship with you to get closer to their grandchild. Using you in a sense but not actually wanting a relationship with you, their child.

Did I ever feel lost or still do, sometimes. Did I ever wish I could meet his side of the family to see where part of me came from, of course. These are thoughts I still have and wish things were different. Not many get to live and grow up in a 2 parent household and I definitely pray it works out for me to have this for my children.

I definitely salute the men who are there for their children and have been the entire time.

Just be

When was the last time you could just be?

Where your day was great, there was a smile on your face and everyone you ran into was friendly. People passing by smiled back at you and actually spoke saying good morning or good evening, whether you spoke first or not. The train ride was smooth and quiet or the bus had not a loud and rowdy individual in sight. Everyone actually wore headphones and were zoned out waking up to start their day. Your favorite coffee or tea spot flowed pretty quickly without delay and had the coffee cake muffin you were craving the night before. While at work, there were no complaints from clients, customers, patients or coworkers and your GM or store manager was either cool or took the day off. Everybody looks forward to these kind of days. The ride home from work was smooth and traffic seemed to flow a lot faster than it has in awhile. You heard your favorite songs on the radio whether it's smooth jazz, gospel, oldies, something new or even rock n roll or your playlists just played all the right things to keep you in an awesome mood. You danced in your car without a care in the world and the guy in the car next to you decided to do the same. Thus giving you the biggest laugh you've had all day! Finally arriving home to a quiet house and ready to play your music and cook the meat (chicken, steak, etc) you had marinating all day to give the flavor you craved since earlier that morning. The coronas have been chilling in the freezer all night and day or choice of wine is ready to be popped open and served. You then realize you've made it to 8pm and there wasn't the daily drama filled phone call from that person that refuses to see the good in anything or from your mother who wants to tell you what your sister has done...again. Catching a breeze on your front porch, back porch, by your pool, at your neighbors, or on your favorite sofa next to the window relaxes you. Making you appreciate the choice of drink even more as your day comes to a close. Your dry cleaning is done, clothing washed for the week, paperwork was finished before 11pm finally, and your clothes are picked out saving you time in the morning to get ready for work... 

This sounds like the perfect day to me but we all know 9 times out of 10, it doesn't happen as often as we like! I'm going to keep dreaming though (LOL).

Time

He has it all. The degree, career, dream home, dream living location, trips, friends that love him, family that adores him and a woman who's always by his side and would do anything for him. His negative, he has a problem with time for things outside of his career and more so with his woman. He is steady living for the future and not worried about or living for today. It’s cool he wants his future secure but it’s unnecessary to build on new relationships when they require time and attention you don’t have. Shes patient though. Keeping herself busy with her own career and working on smaller projects that takes her interests. He notices but instead of trying to make time for her in between what they are working on separately, he’s with friends. They both have a day off and he’s with long distant relatives or something chilling, eating, drinking and having a good time. Cool. She makes a few calls and have a day of her own and enjoys her day. No matter what she does though, she makes sure to call him or text to see how his day is going. He never does the same but she does not worry about that and knows when he has the time, she will see him. She tells him over and over they need to spend more time together and feels left out from his life. He still neglects how she feels and tells her he still wants to be with her and shes all he’s thinking about. She can’t see it. Time goes on and the same behavior continues and on her part she’s had enough. A movie night will turn into an half hour work call, a friend having girl issues that turns into a n hour conversation, date night will turn into one of the homies coming out to chill (and for the life of her, she can’t understand why anybody would want to be third wheel), and phone conversations they have get shorter and shorter. She begins to question why she is there and wasting her time? She realizes it’s time to move on, so without saying anything she does just that. He calls no answer, texts and no response and she is no longer asking to see him or spend something he clearly does not have. She still keeps space open for him in her day just in case space was all he needed and he notices to make more time for her, for them. When he finally realizes what’s going on, it’s too late. Shes moved on and is hurt behind it but know it’s for the best. He goes back and forth trying to figure out what went wrong and why she just disappeared without saying anything or voicing her opinions when she has time and time again. He just was not paying attention. But that was the norm. He learned he didn’t take his relationship or the time she presented to him seriously. He learns to hang up the phone, stop texting, emailing and hang up anything they had because it was over and he needed to move on.

Appreciate time and when someone wants to share this with you. You may never be able to get this back.

The Ring vs The Relationship

Ladies and gentlemen, would you rather focus on getting a ring from or for your partner OR focus on the connection between the two of you first and foremost?

Men and women have many different views on marriage and the “ring epidemic” is what I call it. Women have said they don’t care how much money he makes or what he does for a living, I want my ring. Is that all you’re concerned about? How about how you two feel for one another, matching goals, loves you unconditionally, makes you feel secure, happy and still keeps interest in you after many years of dating.  

So many women I have spoken to over the past year rush marriage and have specific times and ages when they want to elope. That’s fine but things never happen as planned. It’s kind of funny hearing the women that have children by their partner and are “shacking up” is what the old people call it. I feel like the conversation was never brought up from the beginning and they feel since there is a child involved, marriage should come soon after. I think women are so caught up in the “ring” more so because of what it symbolizes. To them it shows you’re no longer single, have a husband and not just a baby mother and shows stability to an extent. I guess they are more so scared of being stereotyped and put into a certain category that most women don’t want to be in and shun the woman who is. Something to gossip about honestly. Or is it their way of holding on to him? Feeling that marriage is the final step and he would have no choice but to stay around. There are a million ways to view the reasons on why an engagement ring is so important to a woman instead of why it should be important and why they rush this union.

Men want to be married by a certain age but will not rush it and have “other options” for a ring. A guy friend has stated that instead of buying an expensive ring, how about using the money to start a business of some sort. Made sense and I never actually thought about that. Receiving a cheaper ring and gaining a business of your own...not a bad idea. A few feel after knowing a woman for at least 5 years was the ideal time to get married. They feel you actually KNOW this person and can deal with the ups and downs of their attitude, are loyal, trustworthy and will be there for you no matter the circumstance. Men are pretty simple individuals but we woman look too much into things. When and if he feels you are the person for him, trust he will stick around and when the time comes he will propose marriage. Until then...chill out and enjoy the ride.