Wednesday, March 30, 2016

"Girl"friend

I know at some point you have dealt with this woman. She may still call, reach out on social media, email, come by his family's home or even his home just to say “hello”. Depending on the type of woman you are, things can either stay good in this situation or in most cases, go left, real quick. It comes a time during the dealings with someone that you have to set boundaries. I honestly feel that it doesn’t matter how long they have been friends before our relationship, how close the family’s are or if the two are like brother and sister, if he’s in a relationship, fall back. Like all the way back.
Any man I have dated, if they had female friends before I came along, I have to respect that and let it be unless the two have been intimate in the past. You have some women that feel, “well he’s my homey and has been for the past 30 years, no woman he has ever dated got in the way of our friendship”. Welp, you just met her. Is it over-bearing? Jealousy of their friendship? Controlling? None of the above. I just want it to be known that ya’ll can keep the friendship, just respect our relationship. Period. Women tend to overstep their boundaries and get in their guy friends business and they play the big sister, big brother, little sister role. Come to his home and get comfortable because she’s been doing it for years, throw parties at his home when he’s out of town and has a key, cook for him, take him out to eat or stay on the phone with him to complain about her “men” problems and looking for advice. All of that in my book is unacceptable. What are yall in a relationship? Taking a break to see where you guys stand or something? I’m confused. Sad thing is most men see nothing wrong with that and feel she’s just being nice or we just cool. Just cool my entire ass! There is no way a friend of mine will have a key to my home especially if my mother doesn’t even have a key or it will be just my mother. Nobody will be in home while I’m away and staying on the phone at any time in any way is not cool when you’re with someone. That looks suspicious.
It even gets to the point of you having to check her and now it’s the friend versus the girlfriend situation. That’s when you let his ass go. As the woman in someone life, outside of the mother, grandmother and sister relationship, mine is definitely on the list of some importance, not a friend because you guys have been cool forever. I would have nothing to do with that and she needs to know her place at all times. If we live together, I Am the woman of the household and will be respected in all scenarios. Lets just say I’m Martin and can be Malcolm: “non- violent, non- violent….”but by any means necessary”. Lets keep it cute. Not to say to beat the girl up but if putting her in her place does not work, then you take another route after being a lady/grown woman about it.
Now there is that point where you will be JEALOUS! She knows him, everything. And not to mention always having that feeling that something happened between the two in the past but of course it will never be spoken of in your presence. Woman’s intuition. So that’s what really pisses you off about this person. Anyway, she knows his family and knew them before you did, his friends before you, his dreams, life goals, the foods he likes, what his favorite sport is, color or what his first car was. Petty? Maybe but just like the men in situations like this, we get jealous and maybe even envious as well. Their friendship has already been bonded before you came along and now you’re just the girlfriend who’s over-reacting to something that won’t change even after you came along… What women fail to realize in this case is that you have to accept what you can’t change and if it’s too much, then you can either change how you view the situation or step out of the situation and save yourself the back and forth of something that probably never happened in the past between the two. BUT she should still know her place first and foremost and know she’s no longer “that number girl” that he goes to outside of his female family members to express himself and talk about what's going on in his life. She will learn to make room eventually.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Black & white or men & women?

           The way we live is different, what we eat is different, and the attitudes we carry are different. Its not a surprise that the way we handle relationships are different. Statistically, black women are the race that are least likely to be married and have a family. We often have kids before committing seriously to someone therefore making it okay to be a baby mother and drag on the title girlfriend forever. Is it us or the men?
            I see soo many white men and women my age who share a mortgage, a child or two and are genuinely happy. Of course with the usual relationship/partner problems. So why can't my race get it together?? In my opinion it's the way the we are raised, the neighborhoods we come from (environment) and homes we come from. The men are taught to not seek anything serious, have fun, and "sow your oats" beforehand to get it out of your system before settling down with someone.  While doing so, they have relations or relationships where they drag them along, feed them dreams of the things they wish for and impregnate without a second thought because "it" feels too good to use protection. The women allow it.
            Women constantly hear the convos from girlfriends or family on the amount of time you 2 have been together and automatically assume you should give him a child. Why not right? Financially your not where you want to be, you have an apartment not your ideal home, and don't have the career just yet that your working towards. But yeah, throw a baby into the mix and you will live happily ever after. Their examples are their mothers, since fathers being absent are the norm, which takes me back to black women not being married or staying married. It starts somewhere. Fathers are at a minimum and the confidantes are their friends whom are most likely in the same boat.
             The women see their mothers being single parents and most see it as independence and that it's okay to raise a human being alone. They may see their mothers being submissive to a man, giving him everything to keep him around but receiving nothing in return. And it's okay with them. Some women even tell their daughters that's how you get and keep him around. To play the role of house wife without a ring or serious commitment from this man, and it's okay. It has to stop somewhere. One thing I can say is most white women generally keep their men or is it the man keeping them? There's no gray areas, it's either or. Either women do the above for a man with no committing or she lacks somewhere because she knows she deserves more and she's single. Most white women I know or see are single or have the latter...the home, husband, kid (s), and careers. So which do you think it is, black culture or just men and women in general? I could be wrong though, just my opinion.