No matter what was going on back in the day with our parents and grandparents, it seem to never be a doubt concerning marriage. I think that’s why they look at younger generations and ask when, what’s up, or what you waiting on. It’s mind blowing to them because they got married at young ages, had all their children or most with one man/woman and feel if it’s not done with a certain time frame, then you need to move on. They feel marriage is what makes a family whole and complete and simply spending the rest of your life with the one you love. That was simply the way to do things. Simple right? Wrong!! You know how many women my age have put out a deadline with or without her man knowing on the relationship because marriage is her goal and she wants nothing less? You know how many women will beg their man for marriage? Stick around and have all of his babies, cook, clean, wash clothes, and whatever the hell else just to prove that she is the marrying type? When are we women going to learn that if he is not fully committed, he will move how and when he wants too. Move on if it’s not what you want. Move on if he’s not willing to give you that commitment you ask for and have asked for since day one before anything serious. Move on if your not getting the time, attention, or proper love you need and deserve or if at one point you were getting this and it just stopped. Move on.
It will cause less heartbreak, less anger, less resentment, less loneliness and less bull. Trust me, you will get over it. Smoke something, have a cocktail with your girls, sleep, sex, exercise and learn to live your life without this person….you will be okay. I always wonder if women are scared of being comfortable then suddenly being alone? But is it better to be alone or to be with someone who has gotten comfortable? Think about it. Would you want to be with someone who is willing to ride WITH you and vice versa or with someone who wants you to ride out with them? As if selfishness isn’t already a human being issue. Do you want happiness, vacations, a family, love and peace in the household or do you want to be filled with resentment and anger for not following your gut instinct completely thinking that keeping this person around would work out? Prayer works wonders in this situation.
I feel many women have bad or unhealthy relationships/marriages due to thinking he only proposed because of how long we’ve been together. But it’s like a sympathy proposal: she’s been riding out with me for like 10 years, carried my children, stayed through tough times or when I was being a dog, take care of the household….that’s the least I could do is give her a ring. A ring...not commitment, lifelong companionship, a good man/husband, a family, beautiful wedding, wife and no longer girlfriend….a ring. The things I have heard men say are ridiculous and I feel bad for the women who deserve a good man and happiness and to get there have to endure all the nonsense first or at all before getting a proposal. Sad. I start to think, is it the parent/guardian or the woman just letting this man do whatever he wants with no boundaries or standards? Or both? Not saying women make it better because we can get in our way. Many began to think they aren’t worthy of being someone’s wife because no one asked, date all the wrong men and think your doomed to find anyone good instead of simply changing the men you bring into your life or simply waiting because you think you found the one but he makes you wait years upon years because it has to be on HIS time.
He’s just enjoying you! He doesn’t feel the need for commitment or marriage because he’s already getting the benefits. Maybe it’s just you as a person and woman to want a clean home so you don’t mind cleaning but he doesn’t. When you cook you make sure he eats as well knowing he never cooks for you. When at the store you call and see if he needs anything knowing he never does the same and “assumes” your good. Continue to be this person so God can give you exactly who you need and want. Now for him, I always personally want karma (LOL) it just feels good to be petty for once but also knowing that he knows what it feels like to be treated as such. Trust, it’s a lot women out here who are savages and could care less about a man’s feelings, she is out for self….let him run into one of those. To feel worthless, unappreciated, or disrespected and cry to their boys what she did and with who...hilarious! But on a serious note, I wish women would get more confident and know their worth. To leave when you see the red flags and not way after. There too many of us being abused and hurt. I wish men would respect more, be more mature in life and not just “enjoy” a woman. Do the opposite of what daddy did to your mother and do better by your woman and children.
“The mother controls the man’s heart and the father controls his actions.” - Iyanla Vanzant
Until next time...
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