Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Financial Inabilities

In order to live and live how you want to, you need a job. While it’s great to have a job, you need a job that’s paying well or at least good enough with benefits. When it then pays good enough, you can live how you want and dreamed of. Right? That’s basically how it goes and been going for years now. It’s not the 50’s and 60’s anymore where women play housewife and cook and clean all day while taking care of the kids. The men took care of the financial part along with driving the family around when needed. These days, how I once was, women are doing it for themselves to the point where having a roommate, school, working 2 jobs, and being single is the norm. All of this to have their own and claim their independence from our counterparts: the man.

You then have the women, like myself now, who live with their partners and still have their independence, school, and possibly working two jobs to make ends meet. Of course you have the man in your life and could probably go to him when needed but come on women we all know when things get tough, somebody wants to fall back or can’t handle it...usually it’s him. Not all men but there are quite a few. Us women are tough and do what needs to be done, daily. The men today still wants you to pull your weight regardless! Now I’m not saying that women who work hard are looking for a “free ride” to make up for the lack of sleep but when help is needed, the Jordan’s, Polo’s, going out every weekend, and some extracurricular activities have to be put on hold to take care of home. I guess they forget you like to go out and have fun also! Let loose, forget about your money problems and finally have a clear head. So that's hard for the person who can't do it or has to on someone elses dime. Outside of my immediate family, I have a plethora of aunts and uncles who take care of business. I’ve watched them and even till this day, let their women (my aunts) stay home and do whatever or my aunts getting off work the same time as the men or later. However she utilized her time when the kids were grown and left was her business. He didn’t care as long as he was able to play the part he wanted in her life, the man.

Back to the Polo’s and Jordan’s. Men these days are much more caught up in looking good then us women! It’s not a problem when the money is right but when it’s tough or your partner is having a hard time, they don’t know how to compromise. They know self, me and I. And sorry to say but most men tend to stay home longer before getting that first place. They know nothing about stress, feeling useless, doubtful, or powerless. Women being emotional, we tend to feel 10 different emotions in one day depending on what we’re going through. With many, they have the audacity to make you feel as if you’ve never done ANYTHING before reaching your low moment without realizing the damage being done. Only because they see how they were used to living has to take a “pay cut”. When you’re a partner, you have to learn to put things on back burner until further notice especially when it’s materialistic or not a priority. For example, when living on my own with just roommates, hair and nails stopped until I was caught on bills and rent was paid, DVD’s were brought out and bought and cable turned off, places where I bought my seasonal items from became cheaper and I reached out to people who had food stamps to not worry about food expenses. You make it work. So in my opinion, when a man gets “stupid” over bills or anything with money when you’re tight but trying, red flag alert. That’s the person you should appreciate the most in my opinion because they have nothing and still give what they can from their situation. Nobody is perfect and things happen.

I know women going through this at the moment but not many men. I’ve actually spoke with an old co-worker one evening on the train about his situation and me actually hearing it from a man gave a different perspective. He was ready to put her out, was sick of her sitting around all day, tired of being the breadwinner, and didn’t feel the need to take care of a “grown woman”. All I could say was damn. How do you know she’s just sitting around all day? And did you also think she may be tired of you being the breadwinner as well? I felt bad for him and also for her. Him because I understand the stress it puts on someone when going from splitting everything to it being done all on your own. It’s like carrying a feather to then carrying a 50lb weight everyday on both shoulders. Her because it sucks having to depend on anybody for damn near everything that you need on a daily basis. It’s nothing like having your own money so to go from working everyday or whatever to not at all is the worst feeling in the world. It makes you feel like a failure, your credit is getting tore up, interest is getting higher, debt collection calls are the norm and debating with your phone company to even receive calls for an interview is a weekly thing. Trust, if your a regular non-famous individual, we have ALL been there.

So how do you avoid having to deal with this? To not ever move in with a man!! LOL just kidding but you definitely have to learn patience, prayer and understanding. If we understand each other’s perspectives and actually learn our partners inside and out, then you should be fine. You want to be comforted and loved by your partner not criticized about what you can't do. Nobody wants to feel that low blow. I feel people and life in general are not that difficult so why do we make it so hard? It’s already hard enough on a day to day basis as is so having a sense of humor helps get through anything in my opinion. Looking at the brighter side of things can make your day feel like a sunny spring morning in April...and that’s a great feeling. I know it’s hard so when that financial conversation or argument comes up and after all is said and done, pray, let go and let GOD. If all else fails, better your situation the best way you can and move on.

Until next time;)